


Pack up the Mockingjay

by Miffy



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crossover, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-03-11 03:58:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 49,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3313046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miffy/pseuds/Miffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After her boyfriend of 10 years dies due to an accident, Katniss has to learn to move on with her life and how to love again. Luckily she is surrounded by people who love her and help her; her family and her loyal friends: Madge, Finnick, Annie and Peeta - the guy who sometimes makes her heart skip a beat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 3 minutes

**3 minutes**

God, I’m scared. I’m sitting here on the toilet with a pregnancy stick in my hand, counting the seconds. Time really is going slow. I can’t believe I’m in this situation. Even though I’m 25 years old and I have a boyfriend I couldn’t love more, I never thought about having children. It’s not that I think having children with Thom is a horrid idea – again I love the man very much, but I’m not sure that right now would be the right time. We have a mortgage to pay off and Thom and I are just not making enough money to afford a child now.

**2 minutes**

Thom is such a handsome man though, so at least his kids would be very cute and more importantly: he is a good person. He’d be a good dad. But would I be a good mother? Honestly I don’t think I would, even though Thom would beg the differ. I’m not really a patient person, something my parents probably agree with. My mother always said patience was the key to being a good parent. And I’m scared of letting my child down in some way. _Beep_. My phone is buzzing. It’s a message from Peeta. I try to ignore the flutter in my stomach when I see his face pop up on my phone. _What time are you two coming tonight?_ I put away my phone – I’ll answer Peeta later.

**1 minute**

O, Lord. Only one minute left. Time is going by quickly now… To quickly. I need more time to think! If I was pregnant, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, I decide. I have Thom. My parents. His parents. Prim. Our friends; Finnick, Annie, Madge and Peeta. We’re not alone, they would help us. This child would be loved by all of them. I would learn to be a good mother, I would grow as a person, I decide.

**0 minutes**

Times up. This is it. I turn over the pregnancy stick: it’s blank. Blank! I’m not pregnant.. A sudden feel of grief washes over me. I’m not having a baby… Then I only feel relief. I’m not having a baby! A baby should only be a blessing and nothing more. This just wouldn’t be a good time. Pfft.. This was definitely tiring, all these emotions rushing through me – and I’m not an emotional person.

Before I throw the stick in the trashcan, I wrap it up in some toilet paper, because I don’t want Thom to find it. I’m not ready for that conversation just yet.

As on cue, I hear our front door close. ‘Katniss! I’m home!’ I hear Thom say. I go downstairs to meet my boyfriend and give him a kiss on his cheek. ‘Hey honey, did you bring food?’ I ask. It’s Friday and on Friday we eat take-out to celebrate the weekend. ‘I had a craving for Chinese food’ he answers and smiles, as he holds up the bag. ‘You always have a craving for Chinese food’, I answer. ‘I got a text from Peeta asking us what time we are going to Finnick and Annie’s party. What time do you want to go there?’ I ask. ‘I was thinking around 9.30. Does that work for you, babe?’ he asks. ‘Yeah, that’s good’ I answer.

We talk about our day like we always do. Thom just got a promotion at the lawyer firm he works at, so now he gets his own cases. He tells me that today he got a new case again. ‘It’s nothing big’ he’s saying. He’s blushing. ‘It’s just a women who’s being sued because she took a bathrobe and a hairdryer at a hotel and she refuses to pay for it’. I can’t help it, but I laugh. ‘Don’t laugh at me’ he says, smiling.

‘I’m not, I swear’ I say, still laughing. ‘I’m laughing at that women for taking a robe and refusing to pay for it and I’m laughing at the hotel because they are suing the poor women for it’. ‘Yeah, right. Like I don’t know you. You do realize we’ve been together for ten years, so I know you better than anyone else!’ he says. ‘You love to mock me!’. ‘And you love me for it’ I say and I wink at him. ‘But seriously Thom, I’m proud of you! Your bosses have enough faith in you to give you another case, even if it’s a small one. You should be happy about that and you’ll gain experience. I have all the faith in the world in you becoming an amazing lawyer. Let’s toast to that!’. I raise my wineglass and he raises his.

‘Than I’d like to toast you for being such an amazing women. Even after ten years you still amaze me. I love you Katniss’. ‘And I love you, Thom’ I say blushing. I still don’t tell him about my pregnancy scare of this afternoon, even though I know I should. Saturday, I decide. I’ll tell him tomorrow.

* * *

 

 

 _Around 9:30_ , I text Peeta back after dinner.

 _Great, I’ll see you two then!_ , he replies.

Before we head out to Finnick and Annie’s, I change into a dark green dress. it’s my favourite colour because it reminds me of the forest. There aren´t a lot of forests in and around Dublin, but when Primrose and I were younger our parents always took us to the woods on school breaks. Me and my dad spend days in the woods, just hiking and talking. Enjoying each other’s company and the beautiful flora and fauna. My mother and sister enjoyed the beach more, but me and my dad were always bored just sitting on the sand: we’re restless. I put on black pumps and add some make-up to my face. Thom will love the red lipstick, even though he’ll look like a clown if we kiss. I untie my braid and let my hair fall down.

‘How do I look?’ I ask Thom when I come downstairs. ‘Hot, like always’ he says with a grin. I roll my eyes. Thom is the hot one, in my opinion. He’s wearing jeans and a blue blouse with long sleeves. It makes his dark grey eyes pop out against his tanned skin and his dark brown hair. I’d kiss him senseless if I wasn’t wearing the red lipstick. ‘Let’s go, handsome’ I say. We walk to the car holding hands.

Even though I think the occasion for having this party is a little morbid, I’m looking forward to seeing our friends again. We don’t nearly see each other as much as we’d like. Life is just crazy busy right now.  
‘I still can’t believe Finnick is throwing this party’ I say.  
‘He said his grandfather always lived life to the fullest and would have done the same thing. Let’s just enjoy the free booze, Katniss’ Thom answers.  
Finnick’s grandfather just passed away a few weeks ago and left a cartload of money to him and his wife, Annie. It’s a ‘yeah-we-are-now-loaded!’ party. Annie thought it was a little disrespectful too, but Finnick convinced her, like he always does. She did insist that we would toast to his grandfather’s life, which we all thought was a good idea.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When we arrive, the party is already going strong. Finnick and Annie invited a lot of their friends, younger relatives and co-workers. Finnick works as a lawyer to. His deadly combination of his charisma, tongue and looks make him a dangerous lawyer who can let a jury believe anything he wants them to. Annie works as a pre-school teacher in the city. She loves kids and is amazing with them. She would be an impeccable mother, when she and Finnick decide they’re ready. We find them in the kitchen with Peeta and Madge. There is a girl sitting on Peeta’s lap and I feel a sting of jealousy go through me. _Where did that come from?_

‘Finally you’re here!’ I hear Finnick say. ‘What do you want to drink?’ It’s my turn to be the DD, so Finnick gives me a coke and Thom a beer. I give my friends a hug and when Peeta kisses my cheek I feel a familiar warmth rush through me, what I try to ignore. I learn that the girl, who is now standing next to him, is named Leevy and works at a hotel.

Madge tells me about work. She is a conductor at the theatre in Dublin and leads the orchestras. She is crazy talented and loves her job. She’s telling me about a new performance she is directing that will premiere next month. Thom and I try to go to all her performances, because it’s amazing to see what Madge is doing. Also, she gives us a massive discount.

Madge and I became friends in primary school and have been throughout high school and college. The girl is my rock. We met Thom in high school and a year after that I started dating him. I met Annie in one of our mutual classes at college and we hit it off immediately. Luckily she and Madge became good friends too, so there were never awkward moments. Annie and Finnick met each other when they were kids on a holiday in Spain and ran into each other at college 5 years later. It was like faith. They hit it off again immediately and instead of going to their classes they decided to go get some coffee instead. A romance was born and two years after graduation they got married.

Thom met Peeta in his dorm and they have been best friends ever since. Peeta studied art and is now an art restorer at some fancy museum in the city. He is, just like Madge, crazy talented. His own paintings are exquisite. They almost look like photos: the details are amazing. And if Peeta isn’t talented enough, he is also a really good cook. Everything he fixes up in a kitchen tastes just as good as in a restaurant, but my favourite are his cheesebuns and his stew – I’m not a fancy person.

Even though there are probably a hundred guests in the living room, we stay in the kitchen – laughing, drinking and smoking a cigarette or two. I look up at Peeta and see him looking at me. Normally his eyes always fleet away, but not this time. He looks good. Really good. His eyes are so blue, like the sky. They’re gorgeous. His gaze is a little unfocused, probably due to the alcohol and nicotine. He smiles lazily at me, I smile back.

 

* * *

 

 

When it’s 3 am, Thom and I decide to head back to our place. Madge left a couple of minutes ago and Annie is checking up on the remaining guests. Finnick walks us outside and talks with Thom about some soccer match, it's their favorite sport. ‘Shit!’ I curse. ‘What’s wrong, babe?’ Thom asks. ‘I forgot my scarf inside’ I answer.  
  
‘Just leave it, Katniss. We’ll come back and pick it up later, I’m tired’.

But I don’t want to leave without the scarf. It’s my favourite. I got is from Prim as a graduation present, so it means a lot to me. it’s red and soft and dare I say it – it looks good on me. People always complement me on this scarf and it makes me feel proud of my sister. She’s such a good, sweet and intelligent person and she also has impeccable taste. So I go back to the kitchen where I left it.

Peeta is the only one left sitting there. ‘I forgot my scarf’ I explain, when he looks questionable at me. I wrap it around my neck when I ask where Leevy is. ‘She’s in the bathroom. I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk much tonight, by the way’ he says. ‘Yeah, me too’ I answer. ‘I have to go now, Thom is waiting for me outside. We’ll see you soon!’  
He gives me another hug and gives me a quick peck on my mouth. He lingers for a second to long on my mouth and I pull away. ‘Sorry’ he says, blushing. ‘It’s okay’ I say, blushing too. For the second time that night, Peeta causes a rush of warmth to go through me and for the second time that night I try to ignore it. I laugh because his mouth is red due to my lipstick. I try to wipe it off, but he says I can leave it.

Than something happens. I left the front door open so I hear a pair of breaks, a car slipping and a big _bang_. I hear someone screaming – I recognize it as Finnick’s voice.

I always heard people say that when something scary happens, time goes fast and everything is blurry. But that’s not what happens to me. All of my senses are heightened and I run outside. Even though it probably takes me seconds for my legs to carry me to the street, it seems much longer.

I see Finnick hovering over Thom, who is lying down on the street in a puddle of blood. His blood, I realize. ‘Thom!’ I yell and I run to him. I hear someone yelling to call an ambulance, but it’s like the buzz of a fly – on the background and me trying to ignore it. I wrap my hands around his face. He’s unconscious. ‘Thom’ I say again. He doesn’t react. Someone is pressing a towel on his wound, trying to stop him from bleeding out. It’s not working. I can’t seem to move, it’s like I’m frozen. ‘Thom’ I whisper again. ‘It’s going be fine. Just hold on honey’ I say to him, because everything is going to be fine. Why wouldn’t it be? I need him and he needs me. I keep holding one of his hands and his face. Finally, after what seems to be an eternity, I hear the sirens.

 

* * *

 

 

He’s gone. Dead. Thom is dead. The person I spent loving for the majority of my life is gone. _Dead_. There was nothing the doctors could have done to save him, they tell me. Not that I really hear anything, everything is going right through me, it seems. ‘Would you like to see him?’ they ask.

He looks like he is sleeping. But he’s not, I know. We have been living together for the past couple of years now, so I know that Thom moves a lot in his sleep and that he snores. But now he is just so _silent_.

‘Thom?’ I ask him. ‘Please wake up, Thom’ I beg him. My voice breaks. ‘Please wake up. I can’t do this without you’. I kiss his lips. My lipstick leaves a mark and I wipe it away. He is so cold. ‘Wake up Thom!’ I say, now more angry. ‘Thomas Michael Adams! WAKE UP!’ I shake his shoulders. He doesn’t respond and I fall apart. Tears come down pouring from my soul. I keep saying his name, hoping – wishing – for a reaction that never comes.

 

 


	2. The Five Stages of Grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to point out that I don't own the Hunger Games characters or the storylines of Pack up the Moon. I'm just a huge fan of both of the stories and wanted to bring these worlds togheter ;) This story is for entertainment purposes only and I don't make any money of it. Hope you enjoy my 2nd chapter!

**Stage 1: Denial – Katniss**

 

Weeks go by in a blur. Thom’s funeral passes and so do the 2 weeks after that. Principal Paylor, my boss, gave me 2 months off.  
I feel numb, it’s like I’m a ghost. I just wander through our apartment talking to Thom like he’s actually here. I know he’s gone, but it doesn’t feel like that. It feels like he’s gone to work or on a vacation, like he can step back through the front door – back in the apartment, back in my life. I’m sitting on our bed holding Thom’s favourite sweater. It’s green and soft and it used to smell like him – it doesn’t anymore. Now it just smells like me and my misery.  
I gave him this sweater as a birthday present last year. Green looked so well on him, but he could pull off anything. I know that every time he wore this to work, he thought of me. Everything green did, he ones told me. That’s why I gave this colour sweater to him. I hear the front doorbell ring.  
It’s probably my neighbour Sae. She comes by every day and brings me a warm meal and makes sure I’ll eat it. If it wasn’t for her, I probably wouldn’t eat as much.

When I open the door I’m greeted by my sister, Prim. She’s not alone, she has a dog with her.  
‘You got a dog?’ I ask her.  
‘No, one of my patients died and now the dog is all alone. The family doesn’t want her and wants to put her down’ she says.  
My sister is an intern at the hospital in the city. I was so proud when she got her diploma. So was Thom.  
Thom was the big brother Prim never had and they loved each other very much. When Thom came into my life, he came into hers and he never left. I ask her how she’s doing when we sit down on the couch. I know losing Thom left a scar on her too.

‘I’m getting by, Katniss. I’m just really worried about you’ she answers and she grabs my hand. ‘That’s why I brought Buttercup with me’ she says while she points at the dog.  
‘Her name is Buttercup?’ I ask.  
‘Yes and she is really sweet. She was a good companion to old Mrs Coin’ she says. ‘That’s why I thought that maybe she could be the same to you’.  
‘Prim, I don’t want a dog’ I say determined. ‘I just can’t handle that kind of responsibility right now’. Responsibility – my mind goes to the pregnancy stick in the trash can. I never got to tell Thom about it.  
I start to cry again.  
She hugs me. ‘I know, Katniss and I will help you with talking care of her, if it’s necessary. I just don’t want the Coins to putt her down. She’s a young dog and doesn’t deserve that. I also believe it would be really good for you. You’d have a reason to go outside when she needs her walk and she’ll keep you good company’.

I think about that for a second while I wipe the tears from my face. I haven’t been outside since Thom’s funeral and even though Sae, my parents and Madge come by a lot and Annie calls me almost every night, I have been feeling lonely since Thom’s passing.

Buttercup is not an old dog, so I could take her out for long walks like I used to do and she is not so young that I have to puppy train her. She has a really sweet face and has a nice golden fur. ‘Why don’t you take her for a while, see how it goes?’ Prim asks. ‘At least she’s not a cat’ Prim says knowingly when she sees I’m staring at Buttercup.  
She smiles a little at me and I smile a little back. My sister knows me well, I’m not a cat person.

I think about what Thom would do. He loved animals and wanted to start a family. He’d never let some people putt her down.  
So when Prim leaves, I have a dog. At least until I decide if I want to keep her or not.

Buttercup putts her head on my lap and I start to talk to Thom again.  
  
_At least now someone is listening._

 

* * *

 

**Stage 2: Anger – Madge.**

 

It’s 2 pm and I pour myself a scotch. The drink makes my insides burn. It makes me feel alive. _Alive._ I’m alive. Thom, my best friend, is not. Katniss is alive too, but when we buried Thom a couple of days ago, I know she wished she wasn’t. That’s why I’m drinking at 2pm on a Wednesday.

I pour myself a third glass, but before I put the glass to my mouth, I make the brownish liquid swirl. A sudden feeling of intense anger goes through me. I throw the damn glass with all the strength I can muster into the wall and watch while the glass breaks in a hundred pieces.  
Damn, that felt good!  
  
I open a cabin and grab a plate. _Bang!_ I like it next to the broken glass.  
I grab another plate. _Bang!_  
A vase. _Bang!_  
A wineglass. _Bang!_  
A mug. _Bang!_

I smash things in the wall until all of my anger is gone. I’m lying on the floor with nothing but sadness. Tears are streaming down my face. Why is the world so damn unfair?! Thom was a good man, a good friend. He loved Katniss and she loved him. They were going to get married and be grandparents together!

My doorbell rings. It’s my dad. ‘Madeline..’ he says, looking sad, when he sees my red, puffy face. He wraps his arms around me.  
‘Some things never change’ he says when he sees the mess I made. ‘I remember that when your mom died, you did the exact same thing. Only then it wasn’t glass and porcelain, but your plastic tea set you got from your grandparents. You broke every piece of it’.

‘I was so worried about you, when your mom died’ he continues. ‘You were barely 9 years old and a girl needs her mother. I was afraid of being a single parent, afraid of screwing you up’.  
‘You were an amazing dad, dad. Don’t worry about that, okay?’ I say.  
He smiles at me. ‘How are you holding up?’ he asks.  
‘I’m so angry dad! Thom was so young and he had his whole life ahead of him!’  
‘I know, honey. If there is one thing I learned in this life, it’s that life is never fair’.

Thom and I have – had – been friends for ten years. I could really talk to him about losing my mother. He had lost a sister around the time I lost my mom.  
He always had my back. He never made fun of me when I joined the school orchestra or about the fact I was more a fan of Mozart than the new pop icon.

I was the one who introduced him to Katniss. I just had a feeling they would be really good together.  
I was right.  
  
I tell all of this to my dad and he listens. I tell him about the pranks he and my high school boyfriend, Blight, pulled on me and Katniss. We got them back good too. Thom and Blight looked like a canary for a week after Katniss and I dyed their hair blond in their sleep, while we were camping.  
I tell my dad the canary story and we laugh.

_I’m really gonna miss my friend._

 

* * *

 

 

**Stage 3: Bargaining – Primrose.**

 

‘How are you feeling today, Juliet?’ I ask my favourite patient.  
‘I feel fine’ she says bravely. She tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.  
‘I’m your doctor, Juliet. If you lie to me, I can’t help you’ I say.  
‘I know.. I feel dizzy, I’m nauseous and my body aches’ she says. Her voice sounds weak.  
‘What number?’ I ask her. We always ask patients to grade their pain on a scale of 1 to 10.  
‘9.’ she answers.

Juliet is my favourite patient. She has leukaemia and it’s not looking good.  
She’s been battling leukaemia for 4 years now. The girl is 15 years old.

She was finally in remission, but then a half year ago, she collapsed on the street. When her parents brought her in, we learned that her cancer was back.

She’s sweet, smart and funny. All of the doctors and nurses were hoping we never had to see her here again. We were unlucky – Juliet the most unlucky of all of us.  
But life is unfair. If it wasn’t, Thom would still be here. I miss him. He was the big brother I always wanted to have – and had. Thinking of Thom, my mind goes to my sister.  
I’m worried about her. Now that she has Buttercup, she has been outside more, but there are days that she’s just not up for it. Than Sae takes the dog for a walk after feeding Katniss.

‘Dr. Everdeen?’ a nurse asks me. She’s handing me Juliet’s x-rays we took an hour ago.  
On the x-ray I see her lungs with clear metastasis that weren’t there a few days ago. She’s losing her battle. No. _No!_ We tried so hard! We fought so hard – Juliet the hardest of us all!

My feet take me to the hospital’s chapel. I sit down, close my eyes and fold my hands.

_Please God. I’ve never asked for much, but I’m begging you know. You already took Thom way before his time. Don’t do the same with Juliet. Heal her. I know you can. Please. I’ll do anything..._

_Pieppieppiep_. It’s my pager. It’s Juliet – she’s coding. When I arrive in her room my supervisor is already there with a defibrillator.  
‘Clear!’ she shouts.  
We try to bring her back for the next 5 minutes. Juliet is not responding.

My supervisor calls it.

‘Time of death: 12:08’.

 

* * *

 

 

**Stage 4: Depression – Peeta.**

 

I wake up with a massive hangover and a bottle of vodka on my nightstand. It’s the nightstand Thom helped me build in my backyard a few summers back.  
I grab the vodka and drink straight from the bottle.

‘Hello?’ I hear someone say. ‘Peeta?’ It’s a women’s voice. I wish it was Katniss’, but I know it’s not her. It’s Leevy. She walks into my bedroom and her gaze fixes on me.  
‘Peeta it’s 11 in the morning. A little late to still be in bed, don’t you think?’ she asks. ‘And way to early to start drinking!’ she says when she sees the bottle of vodka in my hands.  
‘Jesus Leevy, mind your own business!’ I reply.

It was a mistake to give her my spare key. I liked her and wanted to have a ‘serious relationship’ for once, but now Thom is gone, I don’t really care anymore.  
To come and think of it, I don’t really care about anything these days. Work, my paintings, the cooking class I give once a week – it all does nothing to me.

‘You are my business Peeta!’ Leevy throws back at me. ‘You look awful! When was the last time you showered?’. Not in a while, obviously, because I don’t care much about that too. When I say this to Leevy, she becomes even more angry.

‘No, I know you don’t care about anything Peeta! You have been rotting away in this damn house ever since Thom’s funeral. But I do care about you, Peeta! And I know you care about me too.’  
‘That’s where you’re wrong Leevy, I don’t! So why don’t you get the fuck out of my house and my life!’ I yell at her.  
I’ve really hurt her, I can see it in her eyes, but I honestly don’t care.  
‘You know what, Peeta? I really liked you, we could have had something special. I know losing Thom was really hard on you, but you don’t have to take it out on me’ she says. ‘Leave my keys’ I say when she walks out of my house. She does.

_I’m standing in my garden looking at the sunset. The sky is beautiful. I want to memorize every single detail of what I see, so I can paint it later._   
_Let me guess what you’re thinking now’ I hear Thom say. ‘You’re thinking about how you have to memorize every detail of this sunset, so you can putt it on a canvas later’._   
_I laugh. Thom knows me so well._   
_I want to turn around so I can face him, but I can’t seem to move. ‘You’re right. This shade of orange deserves te be captured’ I say._   
_‘It’s your favourite colour’ Thom says knowingly._   
_I smile._   
_Suddenly I remember something. This can’t be happening – Thom is dead. ‘_

_'You died’ I say, suddenly feeling sad._   
_'Peeta, no one ever really dies. You just stay or you leave’ Thom answers._   
_‘I’m glad you stayed than’._   
_‘I didn’t’._

_Finally I have the strength to turn around and when I do, Thom is gone. I’m alone again._

  
This time I wake up breathing heavily and with tears in my eyes.  


 

* * *

**Stage 5: Acceptance – Finnick and Annie.**

 

Finnick and I are on the couch snuggling and watching our wedding tape. Thom dying put things more in perspective – it made us realise what we have is really special.  
Seeing how fragile life is and how quickly everything can change brought us even more together.

Thom was Finnicks best man at the wedding. We’re watching Thom – looking as handsome as ever in his tux – giving the best man speech.

 _‘Finnick is one of my best friends, so I kept my mouth shut, but now that Annie officially married him, I just have to say: Annie you could have done a lot better! Don’t you know that Finnick’s feet smell, that he secretly still listens to *NSYNC and that he snores in his sleep? Please don’t ask me how I know that, –_ the guests are laughing _– but are those seriously qualities you want in your husband?’._ _Everybody laughs again. ‘No, but seriously, Annie you are incredibly lucky. I wouldn’t even think twice if Finnick wanted to marry me! He loves you so much, you are his world and he talks about you all the time. All positive things of course. So, now let’s raise our glass to this lucky couple. I wish you all the love and luck in the world and may your lives be long, healthy and fulfilling. I love you both very much. To Annie and Finnick!’_  
_‘To Annie and Finnick’ everybody echoes._

Hearing Thom say these words again, means a lot. Even more than at the wedding itself. Finnick and I laugh and cry together while watching our friend speak.

‘Thom looked so good in that tux. I have to confess I always had a little crush on him’ I say.  
I look at my husband and smile. ‘But you never had to worry, babe’.  
‘I was never worried, honey. Even if you did tell me when he was still here’he answers.

‘I always had a crush on him too’ he jokes.  
We laugh and kiss each other.

And a two weeks after the funeral, we finally accept that Thom is gone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me no what you think! :)


	3. Reconciliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the characters belong to Collins and this story is based on a book by McPartlin, all credicts go to them :)

It was a Tuesday morning and it was raining a bit. I was still lying in bed, holding Thom’s pillow. I sprayed it with his cologne and inhaled the scent for strength – I wasn’t looking forward to this day. I went downstairs to my new best friend, Buttercup. Prim was right, she had been an excellent companion for me these past few weeks.  
Buttercup comforted me when I was crying, she listened to me when I was talking to Thom and when we went outside for walks, she never left my side. ‘Good morning, Buttercup’ I said. ‘Today is the day, I have to go to work again’. Buttercup greeted me with some ‘kisses’. I putt some dog food in front of her, while I grabbed my breakfast. We ate together in silence.

The day went by quickly enough. All of my students behaved perfectly, my grief made them uncomfortable. When I walked into my classroom everyone grew silent and they did exactly what I asked them to do. ‘Grab your books and turn to page 39. Thresh, could you read the first two paragraphs?’  
It was the same with my colleagues when I walked into our staffroom. Everyone acknowledged my grief and everyone was nice to me. I could see the pity in their faces – which I tried to ignore. I was looking outside and saw someone walking their dog. I missed Buttercup, she never pitied me. I never wanted a dog when Thom was alive, but now that I had one, I missed her while I was at work.  
‘Ms. Everdeen?’ I heard Thresh ask.  
‘Yes Thresh?’ I said.  
‘Do you feel okay? I finished reading the two paragraphs a few minutes ago’.  
‘Yes, thank you Thresh. Does anyone have any questions?’. None of my students met my gaze.  
‘Great. Let’s continue’.

When the class was finally over, my students practically ran outside.  
‘Ms. Everdeeen?’ I hear Thresh ask again. Thresh is a tall kid and has these strange golden brown eyes. I knew that he would grow up to be very handsome.  
‘I just wanted to say that I’m very sorry for your loss. What happened to your boyfriend and to you is something that should never happen to anyone’.  
I was taken aback by his words and his kindness. I felt tears well up in my eyes. ‘Thank you’ I whispered.  
‘Would you like to see a funny video?’ he asked.  
‘Sure, why not?’  
He showed me the video and for the first time in weeks I laugh.

 

* * *

 

Around dinnertime Madge arrives. She brings some stew, it’s not as good as Peeta’s or Sae’s, but I’m not complaining.  
‘How was your first day back?’ she asks.  
‘It was okay’ I say. I don’t really want to talk about work right now.  
‘How’s Peeta doing?’ I say to change the subject.  
I haven’t seen him since the funeral. He came by the house a few times, but I never opened the door and just hid behind the curtains, to give him the impression that I wasn’t at home. I know it was awful of me and I feel guilty about it, but I just wasn’t ready to see him yet.  
‘He is doing okay’ she answers. She’s a terrible liar.  
‘What’s going on?’ I ask, suddenly feeling irritated.  
‘Nothing’ she says, trying to look all innocent.  
‘Don’t do this Madge! Thom is dead, but I’m not! Don’t shut me out’. I start crying again and Madge joins me.  
‘I’m sorry Katniss. I just don’t know how to act around you. I feel like I should know what to say or what to do because I lost my mom, but I’m clueless. I miss him too’ she cries.  
  
When our tears dry she tells me about some guy she met at work. His name is Marvel and he is the newest member of the orchestra. They get along really well and he asked her to get some coffee with him after work yesterday. ‘We’re going to get some dinner this weekend’ she says, a small smile on her face. ‘That’s great Madge’ I say. Even though I'm a little jealous, I’m happy for her, because it seems like she actually really likes this Marvel guy. I can’t wait to meet him.  
She than tells me about Peeta. He’s not doing so well, he still drinks a lot and he’s really moody. He promised her he would stop drinking so much, but she’s not sure if he actually meant it. Apparently Annie took a pregnancy test last week, that turned out to be negative. She told Madge she was happy she wasn’t pregnant, but Madge tells me that Annie sounded disappointed on the phone. ‘I can’t believe she didn’t tell me’ I say.  
‘We didn’t want to bother you’ Madge says apologetic. We watch a movie together and eat some ice-cream. For a couple of minutes I almost feel normal and I realise that if Madge and her father could get through losing Madge’s mom, I can do this too. I’m not alone. 

 

* * *

 

 

The weekend after Madge and I had dinner together, I was sitting in my living room with Buttercup. We just went out for a walk and I was bored. Madge was on her date with Marvel and Annie and Finnick were attending some charity event. I was thinking about Peeta when I hear my front doorbell ring. Buttercup begins to bark and runs to the door. _My protector._

It’s Peeta.  
‘Is this a good time?’ he asks. ‘I’m sorry, I should’ve called’.  
‘No, come in. I was just thinking about you’ I say. He smiles.  
He looks uncomfortable and apologises for his distancing. ‘I should have come sooner, I’m sorry’ he says. ‘I did, but you weren’t ho-‘  
‘I know’ I say, cutting him off. ‘I just wasn’t ready yet, I needed to be alone’. I hand him his coffee I just made.  
‘I know it was selfish’ I say apologetic.  
‘It wasn’t!’ he says, his sky-blue eyes looking into mine. _His eyes are gorgeous.._ I shake my head, trying to regain my focus on our conversation, instead of his eyes.  
‘You lost him too’ I say. He grabs my hand and squeezes it.  
‘For a minute there I thought I lost you too’ he confesses.

We drink our coffees in silence. Neither one of us brings up our kiss. We’re ashamed and feel guilty about the whole thing. It is to complicated, to embarrassing and to pathetic. I wish I didn’t went back inside to the kitchen to get my scarf. I wish I hadn’t given Peeta a second hug. I wish he didn’t turn my hug into a kiss. _Our lips touched and Thom died._

‘I was drunk’ he says after a while.  
 _Oh no, he’s talking about it._  
‘We all were’ I whisper.  
‘I shouldn’t have…’ he doesn’t finish his sentence. ‘I’m sorry..’ he says. He can’t even look me in the eye.  
‘Don’t be.. It is my fault’ I say.  
I see tears well up in his eyes and I feel miserable. I wish I had the strength to comfort him, but I just can’t seem to move.. Apparently Buttercup doesn’t feel the need to comfort Peeta, because she just sits at my feet, looking at Peeta as if he’s an intruder.

‘Want to hear a riddle?’ I ask, trying to lift his spirits.  
‘Sure’.  
‘What does a British guy do when he wants to catch a bird? He throws a cat in the air’. Peeta smiles.  
‘Want to hear another one?’ I ask.  
‘Yes’.  
‘What does a vegetarian cannibal eat?’  
‘I have no idea’.  
‘A greengrocer’. Peeta smiles again.  
‘How do you know these riddles?’ Peeta asks me.  
‘A student of mine told me these riddles. His name is Thresh, he’s a good kid. You would like him, he reminds me of Thom’. I give him a sad smile.

Peeta stays for lunch and we eat my leftover pizza. I still can’t stomach Chinese food – it was the last meal Thom and I shared. We watch some cheesy TV show and start discussing the actor that has the lead role. Peeta thinks he’s a good actor, but I don’t care, because he just got arrested last week for having sex with a prostitute.  
‘That doesn’t make him a bad actor, Katniss’ Peeta says.  
‘No, but it does make him an asshole’. I say and Peeta laughs.  
One way or another, our conversation leads to Peeta’s confession of him getting a STD in college from one of his ex-girlfriends, Camille.  
‘Foxface?!’ I yell and I start laughing. Peeta chuckles a bit, his cheeks red as tomatoes. 'I was so scared! I thought my dick would fall off..' he says.  
‘Did you tell Thom?’ I ask.  
‘Yes.’  
‘He never told me!’ I say, still laughing over Peeta’s obvious embarrassment.  
‘I made him swear that he would never tell a soul’ Peeta confesses with a slight smile, thinking of his friend.  
Suddenly he looks serious.  
‘Do you want to visit him?' he asks me.  
‘Not yet. I’m not ready’ I answer.  
When Peeta leaves, we give each other a hug and he promises me he will take better care of himself.  
I‘m not convinced.

* * *

 

I lied to Peeta. I was ready to visit Thom, I just wanted to be alone. Sae takes me to a gardening centre where I buy a rosebush for Thom’s grave.  
‘I saw Peeta the other day in the supermarket, he looked awful’ Sae tells me.  
‘He’ll be alright’ I say. ‘He just needs some time.’  
‘I don’t know, Kat. He drank a lot at Thom’s funeral. You should keep an eye on him’ she advises me. I’m worried about Peeta. Madge is too, but I don’t tell this to Sae.  
‘I’m sure he’ll be alright, Sae. Everyone deals with grief in their own way’ I say.  
‘Drinking until the bottle is empty isn’t dealing, honey.’  
I knew she was right. 

 

* * *

 

 

It was raining again. I was trying to find Thom’s grave, what was easier said than done. I accidently walked over some graves, in my quest to find Thom’s. I felt strange when I finally found him. The stone was nice – his mother picked it. Here I was, standing in the rain and holding a rosebush, visiting my dead boyfriend. I didn’t know what to do, or say, so I just stood there for a while. When I finally got my body to react, I dug into the mud so I could plant the bush. I noticed that it was easier to talk to him, if I kept myself busy. I told Thom about Peeta, that he was drinking and smoking to much and that Sae was worried about him.

‘Madge is too and Annie kept bringing him up when we spoke over the phone yesterday. I told Sae he’d be alright, but honestly, I’m not that sure. Annie thought she was pregnant the other day. She isn’t though and she said she was relieved, but I don’t think she is.’ I planted the bush and threw some mud around it to stabilize it. ‘Prim has changed since you died. She lost her favourite patient a few weeks after we lost you, so she kind of lost faith in the `greater good`. She isn’t the cheerful person she was before the accident, but don’t worry, okay? She’ll be fine, I’ll be there for her and I’ll be fine too. Madge is doing good – she actually met someone named Marvel at work. She told me he’s very kind and he plays the violin’. The bush is standing nice and it looks good. ‘I don’t know if you know, but I got a dog. Her name is Buttercup and she’s a really good dog. She’s a small golden retriever, I think. I’m not as lonely with her as I was before Prim brought her. I still really miss you, Thom, but I’ll get through this. That doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore – I will always love you. Just like the Whitney Housten song, I promise’.  
‘I’m thinking of putting up a fence around your grave. You have no idea how many people walk over the graves here to get to their loved ones’.

I sit in silence for a few minutes, staring at the roses before I leave.

‘I love you Thom’ I say before I walk to my car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed my third chapter! :) I'd love to hear your thoughts as always, so please leave a comment!  
> I hope I didn't offend British people with the cat and bird joke, it's actually based on a joke about Belgians ;) But this story takes place in Ireland, so.. 
> 
> (en ik mag Belgen, dus.. :p )


	4. The Driver

It was three months after Thom’s passing. I was trying my hardest to move on, but my mom and Annie were still calling me every day to check up on me. It was very sweet, but suffocating. They finally agreed to stop calling me every day, when I threatened to throw away my phone.

I heard from Michelle, Thom’s mom, that the driver was completely sober the night he hit Thom. He just came from work, apparently he is a security guard, and he was on his way home. He wasn’t driving to fast and when Thom suddenly appeared on the road, it turned out that the breaks were flimsy, even though the car had been supposedly fixed by some mechanic the day before.  
Now this so called mechanic and his shop were being investigated by the authorities. I didn’t know who these people were and I didn’t want to know. I did want that mechanic to be punished, but I realised that even if he went to jail, Thom wouldn’t come back to me. 

I couldn’t just blame the mechanic or the driver for Thom’s death – I had a part in the accident too. We all played a role in his death.  
The driver didn’t agree with me. He needed to get some stuff of his chest. He spoke with Thom’s parents at court and he even shook Robert’s, Thom’s father, hand. He wanted to talk to me too, but I didn’t went to the trial. I still felt emotional unstable and I was sure I couldn’t handle being there. I was trying my best to cope, now that someone had taken away my future and soiled my past. 

I was checking my mail, when I found a letter. Without thinking to much of it, I opened it

_Dear Katniss,_  
 _my name is Jason Avery and I am the driver that was driving the night that your boyfriend, Thomas Adam, died._

O, God. My hands are shaking. I don’t want to read this. Why can’t he leave me alone?   
I call Madge. She’s in the middle of a practice but she tells me she’ll come right away. When she arrives 15 minutes later I feel sick. My hands are still shaking and I feel nauseous.  
‘Do you want to read it?’ she asks me.  
‘No’. I answer.  
‘Do you want me to read it?’  
‘No’.  
‘I’ll go and make some tea’ she says.  
  
Sitting here on the couch with my best friend, my dog and a cup of tea, I feel more up to the task to read what Jason wrote to me. I grab the letter and start to read out loud.

  
_Dear Katniss,_  
 _my name is Jason Avery and I am the driver that was driving the night that your boyfriend, Thomas Adam, died._  
 _I know it can’t be easy for you to hear from me, but I can’t move on. I can’t seem to pick up my life after that night. I need you to know how sorry I am for everything. I think about the accident every day and at night I see you in my dreams, sitting next to Thom on the street. I’m suffocating. I am so sorry._  
 _A few months ago me and my wife had a baby girl. We were short on cash and I knew that our car needed to get fixed, so I went to the cheapest mechanic I could find. I wish I had spend more money at some other shop or that I had left a little later from my work, but I was in a hurry to go home, to my family._  
 _My wife is afraid that I’ll never be the same again and I think she is right. I was driving and someone died because of me. I’m so sorry, Katniss._  
 _I wish I could turn back time, but I can’t. I swear that I would take his place in a heartbeat if I could._  
 _I don’t expect to ever have your forgiveness, but I needed you to know how sorry I am. I am so, so sorry Katniss._  
  
 _\- Jason._

 

Madge is crying. I can’t seem to move. I have to admit that the driver never crossed my mind for a second. I never wondered what kind of effect the accident had for him and his family. They are in pain too. I hug Madge and tell her everything will be okay. My words sound hollow.

The letter is constantly on my mind. I read it until I can quote the whole thing. I even put it under my pillow when I sleep. I can’t just ignore him. A few days after receiving the letter I write one back. I don’t know what to say, so I just write two words: _Thank you._

 

* * *

 

  
I meet Prim for lunch that day. I don’t tell her about Jason, she still wasn’t her usual self. She looks tired and she's playing with her food. I ask her if she's doing okay and she says that work is just really busy. I'm sure there is more.  
‘Are you sick?’ I try.  
‘No just tired, Katniss’.  
‘How is Rory?’ I ask.  
‘We broke up’ she answers.  
‘What? When?’ I ask. I can’t believe it. She and Rory were dating for over a year now and they always seemed really happy together.  
‘A couple of days ago. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone, so I figured I’d tell you today’ she answers. ‘Why?’ I felt confused and I wasn’t hiding it.  
‘We got into a huge fight about the future and everything. He wanted to move in with me, but I said I wasn’t ready and that I wasn’t at home a lot anyway, so he wouldn’t see me much. He said he wasn’t seeing me much anyway these days due to my damn job and he was sick of it. One of his friends got engaged the other day and he realised he wanted to take the next step with me, but I’m just not ready to move in with him, get hitched and have kids. I want to travel the world and become an oncologist. I want to live a little, I’m barely 22 and live is just to short. ’ she explains.  
I just nod. 

‘Rory was really upset, saying that if I didn’t even want to move in with him, he couldn’t see a future with me. So we broke up, it seemed like the right thing to do’ she continues.  
‘How are you feeling about it now?’ I ask.  
‘We weren’t on the same page and he was right – we weren’t seeing each other a lot because of work. I miss him, of course, but now I don’t have to feel guilty all the time for spending so little time with him. I’ll get over him’ she gives me a brave smile and takes a zip of her drink.

‘How is Peeta?’ she asks, she obviously doesn’t want to discuss Rory any further.  
‘Good’ I lie. Peeta still wasn’t doing all that well. He was working way to hard and it looked like he was becoming an alcoholic..  
‘No, he is not doing good Katniss’ Prim says. She tells me that Peeta went to the hospital the other day to get some stitches. Apparently he fell of his stairs while he was drunk. She was working that night, so she saw him when a nurse was stitching his wounds and they started talking when the nurse was finished.  
‘He’s feeling depressed, Katniss. I think he should go to therapy’ she concludes.  
‘You think everyone should go to therapy’ I say.  
‘That’s because talking about your problems and fixing them is healthy’ she says. She looks like Dr. Phil. ‘You are the only person who can help him. He really cares about you’. 

I thought I already had, but I promise my sister I’d talk to him again.

 

* * *

  
Peeta and I meet in the park. I said that I was taking Buttercup out for a walk and asked if he wanted to join us. Bonus: there wasn’t any alcohol here. We talk about the weather and work for a while. He looks better than he did a couple of months ago, but the stars in his eyes still aren’t shining. We decide to take a seat on a bench and I’m fed up with talking about the weather so I cut to the chase.

‘Let’s cut the crap, Peeta, you’re obviously not doing well. I want you to talk to a professional’ I say.  
‘Katniss, I’m doing fine’ he says.  
I’m not in the mood for bullshit so I call him out on it.  
‘Bullshit! You’re drinking way to much and-‘  
‘I’m not!’ he cuts me off.  
‘We’re all worried about you. Madge, Annie, Finnick – and you know he never notices anything – and Prim is too’ I say.  
‘You talked to Prim? I can’t believe it!’ he’s upset now. Shit, I shouldn’t have mentioned Prim.  
‘No’ I lie, ‘You talked to Prim?’ I ask innocently.  
‘Katniss, I’ll be fine’  
‘Fuck you Peeta!’ I start to yell. Buttercup startles and growls at Peeta. She really doesn’t like him..  
‘Fuck me?’ he grins and ignores Buttercup.  
‘Peeta, it’s not funny’ I yell. I’m mad.  
‘Well, Katniss, what do you want from me?’ The moment he asks me, he realises he doesn’t want to hear my answer, but I don’t care. 

‘I want you to get your head out of your ass and fix your problems! You’re not the Peeta we know and love. You’re not the Peeta who helped me and Thom paint our house!’. _Dammit I’m starting to cry, but I’m not stopping now._  
‘So you can either fuck off or go do something about your problems, because we miss our friend and we want him back!’ tears are now streaming down my face. Peeta and I are silent for a few minutes.  
‘Okay, I’ll go talk to someone’ he promises me.  
‘Thank you’ I say.

He does and he quits drinking for a while to prove to himself he can. Prim was right, the talking with a therapist helpes him. Slowly he reaches stage 5 and he acceptes Thom’s dead. He wasn’t as down anymore and his eyes finally started to shine again.

* * *

 

 

Annie was having a rough time. She confessed she was upset about the fact she wasn’t pregnant and Finnick was to busy with work to notice anything different. He thought she was still upset about Thom, like he was, so he didn’t ask her what was wrong.  
Madge was doing good. She and Marvel were official and he made her really happy. She was careful not to throw her newfound happiness in my face, because she knew I was still hurting because I lost my boyfriend and the love we shared. Nevertheless, I was really happy for her and the fact that she finally found a good guy.

‘Plus he’s amazing in bed’ she says. We were drinking to much wine and to much wine always made my friend talkative. Not that we had any secrets for each other, it was the side effect of a life long friendship. We shared everything with each other, from making sandcastles, getting our first period, to losing our virginities. Nothing was sacred anymore. In our short lives we even helped each other get over someone’s death.

‘Really?’ I ask, impressed.  
‘Yes! I don’t think I had such good sex since Peeta and I hooked-up in college’ she says.  
I accidently choke in my wine and feel the blood run to my cheeks.  
‘Are you okay?’ she asks.  
‘Yes, I’m fine’ I say looking at my wineglass.  
‘Than why are you blushing?’ she asks and I feel myself becoming even more red.  
‘I’m getting warm due to the wine’ I lie. I know she doesn’t believe me, because she has witnessed my red cheeks more than anyone.  
‘You don’t like it when I talk about Peeta’ she suddenly says.  
‘Well, it’s because it’s Peeta, you know?’ I’m still not meeting her gaze.  
She says she doesn’t know.  
‘If it was someone else it would be fine, but Peeta and I are friends. It’s just weird..’ I stammer. I was lying. It wasn’t that exactly, but I didn’t know exactly what it was. Why was I so bothered by the fact that my two single friends hooked-up once, what seemed like a lifetime ago? 

‘But I was friends with Thom too and when you told me all the dirty details I didn’t mind either’ she says. ‘And you didn’t mind telling me’ she continues with a smile.  
Shit, she was right.  
‘I know, but if I couldn’t tell you about Thom, I couldn’t tell you anything anymore’ I say and we both laugh. ‘I guess that deep down I’m just a prude’ I continue.  
‘Yes, you’re indeed a prude and not only just deep down’ she says laughingly.  
‘Shut up’ I say laughing as well.

I also felt confused deep down. _What’s wrong with me?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love to hear your thoughts :) If you see any mistakes, please let me know!  
> And I'm still looking for a beta! :)


	5. Not so Bulletproof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the story by McPartlin and the characters are Collins'. I'm just colliding their worlds. Hope you'll enjoy! :)

Our little group of friends hadn’t been out together since the night of the accident. Annie thought it was time to do so and she proposed a night of bowling. I thought it was a good idea, even though I wasn’t particular fond of bowling. I was more fond of precise and deadly sports like shooting or boxing. Bowling was just so _blunt_.  
Madge on the other hand was thrilled. She was a good bowler, because as a kid she and her dad went bowling a lot after her mother died. It was also a good opportunity for her to introduce us to Marvel.  
‘It would be perfect’ she says smiling. ‘We would be an even number, so we can have a little completion. The guys against the girls!’ she says enthusiastic.  
Marvel would take Thom’s place and fill the gap Thom left behind. I thought I would be sick..  
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that’ she said apologetic, when she realised what she said. She looked guilty.  
‘It’s okay. You’re right’ I said. She was right, the teams would be uneven without Marvel. ‘I can’t wait to meet Marvel’ I said bravely and I gave her a smile.

Madge and I arrived together at the bowling centre. Finnick, Annie and Peeta were already there. Madge looked nervous – Marvel wasn’t here yet. I told her she shouldn’t worry and a few minutes later he showed up. He bought us all some drinks and he introduced himself. He seemed nice.  
It was an enjoyable night. The guys won the competition, but Madge was the best player of the group. Marvel was the worst, but after Annie dropped the ball twice on her feet, he didn’t seem to be ashamed about it anymore.

We decided we wanted to get some drinks in a nearby pub and while we toasted to a great game, Annie and Marvel toasted to the end of a great game. I walked to the bathroom after a few drinks and I saw Rory, wasted and kissing some girl. Well, I couldn´t really call it kissing, he was more sucking off her face. When he comes up to get some air, he sees me. ‘Katnisssss!!’ he slurs and he walks over to talk to me. ‘Whut are you doo-ing here?’ he asks me, giving me a goofy smile.  
‘I’m having a drink with my friends, we just went bowling together’ I answer. ‘What are you doing here?’I ask politely.  
‘I’mm enjoying being a single maaan, Katniss! It’s sooo great being single again! I’mm sure Primm told you we broke up, so it’s not like I’mm cheating on herr. How is she doo-ing by the way?’ God, he had way to much to drink..  
‘She’s doing fine Rory, thank you for asking’ I say polite, I’m getting annoyed now.  
‘Great, that’s great. You look great toooo, it was great seeing you again’ he says. He tries to give me a hug, but he trips over his own feet and he spills his drink over me.  
‘O my Goddd, I’mm soo sorry’ he says and he tries to wipe of his beer from my clothes with his bare hands. Now I’m officially annoyed.  
‘Okay, back off Rory’ I try to get his hands off me.  
‘No neeeed to bee a bitch, Katniss. I see it runs in the family’  
‘Excuse me?!’ I yell.  
‘Is there a problem here?’ Suddenly Peeta is standing next to me. _Where did he come from?_ His eyes are spitting fire.  
‘Whyy don’t youu mind your own buisnesss, mann?’ Rory says.  
Peeta is furious. He’s standing between us now. ‘Back off’ he says. This is turning into a scene, so the bartender comes and when he sees Rory’s drunken state he says he’s going to call a cab for him. _What was Peeta doing?_ _Why was he trying to protect me? It must be because Thom used to protect me and now that he’s gone, Peeta feels like someone else should do it. That must be it, right?_  
  
I don’t know why, but I feel disappointed by this fact. If he feels the need to protect me, I want him to do it for a different reason, not that I would ever admit that to myself. I feel myself becoming angry. _I’m perfectly able to protect myself, who does he think he is?_  
‘Are you okay?’ he asks, his blue eyes full with concern.  
‘I’m fine Peeta and I was doing just fine! Why can’t you just mind your own business?!’ I yell. Hurt flashes briefly through his eyes.  
‘Sorry..’ he whispers. Now I feel guilty. _Crap_.

I storm off to the bathroom. _I’m so confused_.

* * *

 

 

After the Rory incident at the bar, I apologise to Peeta saying that I didn’t need him to protect me. As a women I was equal to any man and I was just as able to handle a drunken guy. He apologised too, saying that he knew that, but that he just had been worried. We didn’t bring it up again.

I was watching some TV with Buttercup on a Thursday night when I heard my front doorbell ring. Buttercup learned that she didn’t need to go crazy every time she heard the bell ring, so she stayed in her dog basket.

It was Madge. Madge’s father was a politician, so Madge learned at a very young age that appearances matter. Always look your best and always give people a smile, that sort of stuff. Now she looked like Buttercup had dragged her in. Her mascara was on her cheeks, her face was puffy and her eyes were red. Her hair fell out of her ponytail and one of her heels was broken. She greeted me with the words ‘that son of a bitch’ and Madge barely cursed so I knew something was seriously wrong.

‘You had a fight with Marvel?’ I asked.  
‘Well that’s a way to putt it’ she answers.  
‘What happened?’ I ask.  
‘Do you have some wine?’ she asks. When I pour us some wine I ask her what happened again.  
‘I was walking down George street, the street with the bookshop, when I saw Marvel with some woman. I figured it was his sister – he told me he had a sister – I wanted to say hi, but then they stopped walking and he started kissing her. With tongue and everything, Katniss!’ she starts to cry. ‘I was so shocked that I just stood there for a second and then I ran to him and pulled him of that woman. You should have seen his face when he realised I was the one who pulled him of her. I started yelling at them, asking him what the hell he was doing. He just stood there saying nothing and then she started yelling at me saying she was his girlfriend. I told her I was his girlfriend, that we had been seeing each other for a couple of months now. Turns out he was seeing her for over a year!’ She’s crying so hard now I’m afraid she’s going to choke in her tears.  
‘He is just an asshole, a dirty cheater!’ she yells. I’m so chocked up with anger that I can barely breath. I need to count to 50 in order to get my anger under control and suppress the need to grab a knife and vitally injure that bastard.

We talk and drink wine until it´s 2 am. Madge stays over and we sleep in my bed. She has to go to work in the morning. I convince her not to call in sick, because than Marvel would know that she was so hurt by his betrayal that she can´t even go to work. She agrees with me, saying she wants him to think that she´s fine and putts up a brave face and an amazing outfit when she goes to the theatre – always the politician’s daughter. Marvel is actually the one who does call in sick that day. When he shows up for work the next day, he gets caught smoking weed in the theatre’s toilet, so Madge has a good reason to fire him.

Madge stays with me for a couple of nights after that, saying she can’t be alone right now. I’m not complaining, she’s my best friend and I like the company.  
We agree that Marvel is a total loser and Madge cries because of her bad taste in men. I pour her another wine.  
‘What if I never find a decent man? I want to get married and have kids someday!’ she cries.  
‘You will, Madge. I have all the faith in the world. You are an amazing person: you’re considerate, sweet, talented, pretty and smart. You have amazing genes! Every smart man wants you to be the mother of his children. Just be patient’ I say.  
‘Maybe I should just turn gay’ she says. I say I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t work like that.  
‘Life would be easier if you could just turn gay. I wish we had a switch or something’ she says. I agree and tell her that if we were both gay, I’d marry her in a heartbeat.  
She smiles.

We start discussing the news Finnick and Annie told us. ‘I still can’t believe they’re thinking about moving to Kerry, it’s so far from Dublin’ Madge says.  
‘Yes, it’s on the other side of the country’ I say.  
Finnick is very fond of the ocean and the quietness of the countryside, so Kerry would be perfect for him. Annie on the other hand is more of a city girl, so we’re not sure if moving to Kerry would make her happy, but if Finnick’s heart is settled on something, he always gets his way.

‘I hear it’s very beautiful in Kerry’ I say.  
‘I have never been there’ Madge says.  
‘Me neither'   


* * *

 

  
I was working hard at school and once in a while I went out, but to be honest my life felt a little empty. Thom’s death had brought our little clique even closer to one and another than before, so I wasn’t alone, but I was missing something.  
I was thinking about the days I spend with my father at a skeet club, where he was a member when I was a child. Sometimes I tagged along and he taught me how to shoot – I loved it and my father even said I had a gift. Reminiscing about these days, I came to the conclusion I missed shooting, so I decided to join a skeet club.

It was a Saturday morning when I drove into the parking lot of ‘Dublin’s Trap and Skeet Club’. Because it had been 8 years since I last went to a skeet club, I decided to enrol in the beginner class. The group was very diverse. There were two married couples who were in there fifties, a guy who was about my age, a 19 year old girl and a man who was almost 70. The two couples names were Brutus and Enoboria and Chaff and Seeder. They were friends and decided to enrol with each other as a fun group activity. The 19 year old girl was named Cecelia, who thought it would be cool how to learn how to shoot (her words, not mine). The old man was named Beetee. He was retired and didn’t know what to do with his free time.  
The guy who was around my age was named Gale Hawthorne. I’d never met him before, but I immediately recognise his name and he recognises mine. He’s Rory’s older brother.

Our teacher introduces himself as Haymitch Abernathy. He’s a recovered addict and tells us he started shooting because it gives him the feeling he’s in control and it learned him how to focus. ‘I’ve been clean for 5 years and have been shooting for 4. I’ve never shot when I was under influence of drugs or booze and I strongly advice you all to do the same. It would be nice if you’d be alive and unharmed when you leave the premises after your lessons’.

Before we actually get to shoot, Haymitch teaches us how to properly hold, reload and clean our guns. ‘After firing a shot, the gun recoils into your shoulder – hard. Be prepared for that’ he warns us. Cecelia isn’t prepared enough for the blow and starts to cry due to the pain. It’s her first and last lesson.

Gale and I start talking. He seems nice and we seem to have a lot in common. I’m sure he knows about Thom, but he doesn’t say anything about it and I’m grateful for that. ‘Wow, you’ve a good shot’ he compliments me, when I shoot three clay pigeons in a row.  
‘Thank you. I used to come here with my dad when I was a teenager. You’re not so bad yourself’ I say. He has a good aim, he just needs to get used to the rifle.

‘I grew op nearby a forest and sometimes me and my dad went hunting there. Just small animals like pheasants we could eat at our Sunday dinners, but we didn’t use rifles. We used a bow and arrow so the meat would stay clean’ Gale tells me. That explains why he has such a good aim.

We talk about work. He has his own accountant firm in the city and he tells me he just hired Rory. Work is really busy and because he doesn’t know a lot of people in the city, he decided he would join the DTS club. ‘And I always wanted to learn how to shoot’ he adds.  
When I ask him about Rory, his whole demeanour changes and his smile turns into a frown. ‘He’s doing okay, but to be honest he misses Prim a lot’.  
I tell him I ran into Rory at the bar a few weeks ago. ‘He told me’ Gale says. ‘He’s ashamed about the way he acted and he’s been meaning to apologise to you. How’s your sister doing?’ ‘  
She’s been kind of down since Thom died and she says breaking up with Rory was the right thing to do, but I know my sister and she really misses him too’ I say.

‘Okay guys it’s 11 o’clock so we’ve reached the end of our time together’ I hear Haymitch say and he shows us where we have to store the rifles. ‘I wonder who of you I’ll see next week, even though I think I already know. I’m getting a drink now – nothing stronger than a coffee of course’.

With those words he leaves us every week.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? :)


	6. My Second First Date

After Madge went back home, I got a new guest: Peeta. His house had a sewerage problem or something so he had been spending a couple of nights in my guestroom. It hadn’t escaped Annie’s attention and she thought that maybe he was staying for a different reason.   
‘So, what’s going on? Is there something you need to tell me?’ she asks when we are having lunch together in a restaurant.   
‘No, there’s nothing’ I say honestly. She wasn’t content.   
‘How long has it been?’ she asks me.   
‘How long has what been?’ I ask, confused.   
‘How long has it been since you had sex?’ I choke in my coffee and turn red.   
‘Why do you care?’ I ask. Thom died 10 months ago, so I thought it was obvious that it had been 10 months.

‘Ten months?’ she practically yells the words. _O, God. I wish I could disappear._   
‘None of us will ever forget what you and Thom had, but he’s not coming back. You’re 26 Katniss and we think you should hop back in the saddle’ she continues.   
‘Who’s we?’ I ask annoyed.   
She was silent for a second to long. ‘You’ve been discussing this behind my back!’ I say. ‘Who’s we, Annie?’   
She was looking at her food when she spoke. ‘Finnick, Madge, Peeta and me’.   
‘You had a goddamn meeting about my sex life?’ I yell. I don’t even care that people are looking at me – I’m furious.  
‘That’s not what happened and you know it’ Annie says.

It was clear to me that my friends hadn’t had a single worry in the world, if my sex life was their main topic of conversation. I was hurt and ashamed.   
‘My sex life is private and not an issue you have to concern yourselves with!’ I snarled.   
‘I’m sorry, Katniss. It’s just that Finnick has a colleague, who is hot, nice and single and we thought that..’ I wasn’t listening anymore. I couldn’t believe she thought this was an appropriate conversation to have in this stupid restaurant.   
I also felt humiliated by the fact that she and Madge were discussing this private topic with Finnick and Peeta.   
  
‘To be honest, Peeta was kind of quiet. Are you sure nothing is going on with the two of you?’   
I was disgusted by her lack of consideration. ‘No! He was Thom’s best friend!’   
‘Good, than you can go on a date with Cato’ she said cheerfully.   
‘Cato?’ I ask.   
‘Finnick’s colleague’ she answers.   
I wanted to tell her that she could date this Cato guy herself, but after she talked about him some more, I agreed to go on a date with him. Apparently I was lonelier than I thought I was. 

 

* * *

 

 

A week later I was changing in a red cocktail dress to wear to my date with Cato. It was my second first date with someone. I had my first when I was 15 and Thom took me to a fair. We had an amazing time. I smile just thinking about it.   
I’d putt some make-up on my face and Madge was now curling my hair, while Annie couldn’t stop complimenting me. I was so nervous. I wanted to bite my nails – it was my nervous habit – but Annie grabbed my hand and said that I would ruin my lipstick.   
‘Don’t be so nervous, Katniss. You’ll like him, I promise’ Annie says.   
‘What's Finnick doing tonight?’ Madge asked Annie.   
‘He’s out with Peeta’ Annie answered.   
I hadn’t told Peeta I had a date. I wasn’t sure how he would take it, being Thom’s best friend and all..   
‘Does Peeta know I’m going on a date?’ I tried to act nonchalant.   
‘Yes, Finnick told him for sure’ Annie answered, while taking a zip from her vodka.   
‘Is that a problem?’ Madge asked immediately.   
‘No, of course not. I was just wondering’ I say and I give her a tight smile.   
  
We hear the bell ring. _O God, he’s here._   
‘How do I look?’ I ask for the 10th time that evening.   
‘Amazing’ they say in unison.   
‘Go open the door’ Annie says while pushing me out of my room. I walk in my favourite heels to the door to meet my blind date.   
‘Hello, I’m Katniss’ I say when I open the door.   
‘Nice to meet you, Katniss. I’m Cato Lynch’ he says with a smile. Cato is tall, has blond hair, green eyes and a nice smile. Annie was right, he’s hot. 

He takes me to a fancy Italian. I warned Annie that if he’d take me to a Chinese, I’d crawl back to my house. It was a little to fancy for my taste: there were way to much candles, someone was playing a violin (I was hoping it wasn’t Marvel) accompanied by a piano-player and the waiters were arrogant.   
When I was sighing for the fourth time in 10 minutes Cato asked if I really wanted to stay. ‘It really isn’t a problem if you want to leave’ he says, nice as he is.   
‘I’m sorry,’ I apologise, ‘it’s just a little to stiff for my taste’ I said blushing.   
He smiles, saying he took me here because he wanted to impress me. We agree that a blind date isn’t easy.   
However, it turns out that Finnick already told him a lot about me and that he had seen me on Finnick and Annie’s party the night Thom died. He even asked Finnick who I was, but Finnick told him I was already taken.   
‘So, this isn’t exactly a blind date?’ It was more a observation than a question. ‘I mean it is for me, but not for you?’ I ask.   
He starts to blush a little. ‘I guess that when you put it like that, it’s not a blind date for me. But what can I say? I liked what I saw’. Now it was my turn to blush, but I laugh a little as well.

When Cato gets the check he said we could go to a jazz bar he knew. ‘But only if you want to’ he adds.   
I say that it sounds like fun, so we get into his car and drive to the bar. I buy us a few drinks and Cato tells me about his youth and he asks about mine. He tells me he played in a band in college and I tell him that I once won a talent show in school by singing a Madonna song.   
He asks me if I still sing and I confess that I do, but only in the shower. ‘I do too! What do you sing?’ he asks enthusiastic. We were both a bit tipsy.   
‘James Taylor’ I say and Cato laughs at my expense. ‘There’s nothing wrong with James Taylor!’ I protest.   
‘What do you sing?’ I ask him.   
‘Aerosmith’ he answers.   
‘Aerosmith?! Where do you find the guts to laugh at me?’ I was laughing so hard, that I felt tears streaming down my face. I could barely control myself.   
Cato said that the guys in Aerosmith were the kings of rock-‘n-roll. I say that Elvis is.   
‘Yeah, but he’s dead’ as soon as he says it, his face loses some of its color. ‘O God, I’m so sorry Katniss’   
‘It’s okay – I mean I’m just as sad as anyone else that he’s gone, but at least I still have James Taylor’ I say. He smiles gratefully at me.

When we decide to call it a night we’re a little drunk. Cato leaves his car at the bar and we order a cab. When we arrive at my place he walks me to my door.   
‘Thank you for a really fun night, Katniss’ he says. ‘I hope you enjoyed yourself too’.   
‘I did’ I say and I give him a smile.   
‘Would you like to go on a second date?’ he asks and he looks hopefully at me. I say that I would like to and he kisses me. I return his kiss and then I pull back.   
‘I’ll call you’ he promises me before he walks back to the cab.

_I still love you Thom, a kiss will never change that._

 

* * *

 

 

I hadn’t spoken with Peeta in a couple of days, so I decided to go to the museum. The receptionist said that he was giving a tour, but that he was almost done. I decided to wait because I knew his lunch break was in 10 minutes. When he was finished he walked past the reception, without noticing me.   
‘Peeta’ I said. He looked up surprised.   
‘Hey, Katniss. What are you doing here?’ he asked.   
‘Well, I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days, so I thought that maybe we could get some lunch?’   
He looked like he was about to give an excuse, but he relented. ‘Give me a minute to get my coat’ he said.

‘How was your date?’ he asked when we were done ordering.   
‘It was fun’ I say.   
‘Madge told me you kissed him’ his smile didn’t reach his eyes.   
‘Madge talks to much’ I say. ‘How’s work?’   
‘Good, I’m actually restoring a painting of Botticelli right now’ he said proudly.   
‘That’s amazing Peeta!’   
‘But what did you think of your date?’. Apparently Peeta really wanted to talk about my date.   
‘He was nice’ I answer.   
‘Nice’ he repeated.   
This was starting to get annoying. He was obviously mad that I went on a date with someone, even though he was trying to hide it.   
‘Is there something you want to say, Peeta?’ I asked annoyed.   
‘No’.   
‘Than why are you being so difficult? Do you think I should join the monastery?’   
‘No, of course not!’ He apologised and said he was acting stupid and that he was happy for me. He told me he was going on a date with someone this evening. Now it was my turn to act, so I smiled and said I hoped it would go well.   
We gave each other a hug when we said goodbye and I felt really safe in his arms. I knew it was because we were good friends. Secretly I was glad Peeta was a little upset about my kiss with Cato and the whole way home I tried to convince myself I was glad because it meant he hadn’t forget Thom. 

 

* * *

 

 

Two weeks and three dates later, Cato invited me to have dinner with him in his apartment. He would cook and I would bring the wine. That meant one thing: we would take our relationship to the next level. I wasn’t going to lie: I was nervous, but also horny as a teenage boy.   
I changed into a light grey, almost silver, dress. Thom always said that this colour made my eyes pop and even Peeta complimented me in this dress. Not that it mattered what he thought, but he was a guy and he had good taste.   
I said goodbye to Buttercup and called a cab. 

‘Wow, you look amazing’ Cato complimented me when he opened the door.   
‘Thank you. Nice apron’ I said.   
It was my first time in his apartment and I had to say: it was gorgeous. It was really large, had high ceilings, white walls, dark floors and expensive art on the walls.   
He cooked us an amazing dinner and when we finished our meal we drank my wine. We were talking and suddenly our words turned into kisses. His hands were in my hair, our clothes left a trail to his bedroom and our naked chests were pressed together. His sheets felt good against my skin, but his skin even better. Three weeks ago, we didn’t even know each other and now we had shared this evening with music, wine, roses and sex.   
I had enjoyed the romance so much, but when I came to my climax, I felt so cheap. After Cato fell asleep, I cried on his bathroom floor over the boy who had waited nearly two years to have sex with me. I felt like I had cheated on Thom, so I lelt in the middle of the night, feeling like an adulterer.

The next day I decided I didn’t want to see Cato anymore. I called Madge and she was really sweet, even though she said that it was normal I was nervous and Cato deserved a fair chance. This wasn’t what I wanted to hear, so I called Annie. She said the same as Madge and added what a nice couple we made. Again not wanted to hear at all, so I called Peeta. He said he would come over to talk and he even brought some wine. I told him I’d spend the night Cato. ‘Continue’ he said, visibly afraid I would give him to much details about my night.   
I told him that Cato was nice, considerate, funny and that we got along great.   
‘Continue’ he said, visibly more relaxed with the turn of our conversation.   
‘But I don’t want to see him anymore’ I continued.   
‘Why not?’ he asked without showing emotion or an opinion. Annie and Madge hadn’t asked me this question.   
‘I just don’t have the courage yet. I’m not ready’ I said, sighing.   
‘Than wait until you do’ he said calmly. He was right.

Later that night I called Cato and said that I just wasn’t ready to have a relationship yet. He reacted really nice and he said that he understood, but it was a short phone call. Annie was devastated. I think she’d already planned my future with him and now she had to start all over again. Madge joked that she was glad, because now she could take him for a ride. So after three short weeks, I was single again. I felt like a sixteen year old girl and that feeling made me smile.

 


	7. One Year and the World Still Spins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! :)

Suddenly it was March the 16th again, the anniversary of Thom’s death. His parents had planned a little memorial service. I was telling myself I was too sick to attend and had told my parents that I wasn’t planning on going. I wasn’t surprised when Peeta came into my house. Prim must have told him were I hide my spare key.  
We drank our coffees in silence for a few minutes when I reminded him that I wasn’t going to the service.  
‘Yes you did say that, but I knew you’d change your mind’ Peeta says.  
‘Just because I showered and I put on some clothes doesn’t mean I changed my mind’  
‘Yes it does and your mother said that if I would show up without you, she’d hit me with her purse. I’m not taking that chance’.  
He smiled at me and I knew he was right. I had to go, even though I didn’t want to.. I knew it would be selfish of me if I stayed home.  
‘Well I can’t let that happen, can I? Let’s go’ I said reluctantly and we walked to Peeta’s car.  
_I couldn’t believe it had been a year since that night._

We toast to Thom’s life. We eat all of his favourite food and listen to his favourite music. My father sings a song of the Beatles and Madge accompanies him on the piano. I have a long conversation with Thom’s mother. She tells me how he was as a toddler, about the things he said and did when he was 3 years old. I tell her how he had been with me. Prim tells us the story about when she was 13 and she was crying because she had a fight with her best friend and Thom had taken her to an arcade to cheer her up. ‘That’s when I got hooked on Pac-Man’ we laugh. ‘I had such a great night’ she remembers smiling.  
It’s a great day, because for the first time, everyone who has lost Thom is together and is remembering him with warmth and smiles.

 

* * *

 

 

_I was walking on a yellow paved road in a forest. It reminded me of the forests where me and my father used to go hiking together, even though it couldn’t have looked more different. The trees were orange and were surrounded by moving, pink flowers. It was like they were dancing a bit. The sky was blue and the sun was purple. I hadn’t been to this place in a while._  
_‘Where have you been?’ I asked him. I was really happy to see him again._  
_‘Everywhere’ Thom answered._  
_‘I missed you’ I said._  
_‘I’ve missed you too. I can’t believe it has been a year’ he said._  
_We start walking._

_‘I still love you’ I said casually._  
_‘I know and you’ll always do’ he says cocky and he winks at me. He’s still arrogant._  
_‘I’ve slept with someone else’ I confess._  
_‘How was it?’_  
_‘It was okay, but it kind of sucked’ He nodded, we didn’t need to discuss it. I stopped and looked him in the eye._  
_‘I thought I’d never see you again’ I feel sad._  
_‘I’m always around’ he says smiling._  
_‘Nonsense, you’re gone’_  
_‘You know what I mean’_  
  
_We reach a baby-blue oak tree surrounded by yellow sand and sit in its shadow. ‘I’m so sorry, Thom’ I say._  
_‘It wasn’t your fault’ he says and he holds my hand. I know this is a dream, but I can feel his touch, his strength and his pulse. I feel a tear roll down my cheek._  
_‘Don’t cry’ he whispers and he wipes the tear from my cheek._  
_‘But this a dream, it's not real. It’s in my head’ I say weeping._  
_‘Yes, it’s in your head, but just because it's in your head, it doesn't mean it's not real’ he says wisely._  
_I smile and say ‘Dumbledore’_  
_‘Yes, I’m still a Potterhead!’_  
_We laugh._  
_‘I have to tell you something’ I say after a while._  
_‘You’re falling in love with someone else’. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement._  
_‘What? No!’ I wanted to tell him that I felt guilty about the fact that I didn’t see Michelle so much anymore._  
_‘Who do you think you are? Telling me what I feel?’ I yell._  
_‘Fighting with the dead. Only you can do that’ he says, laughing._  
_‘Being dead and still so damn annoying – that’s something only you can be!’ and we both laugh. He keeps holding my hand and we start bringing up memories._

_I feel time slipping by fast. ‘I have to leave’ I say. Thom agrees with me._  
_‘Don’t worry Katniss, I’m sure this won’t be the last time we see each other’ he says._  
_We hug each other tightly before he walks away in the direction of the sun._

_Me in love with someone else? Yeah, right! And he can say whatever he wants, but I know it’s my fault..._

 

 

* * *

 

 

It had been a month since I joined the skeet club. Gale and I were becoming friends fast. He was the oldest of 4 children and I could tell in the way he spoke about his younger siblings that he really cared for them. He hadn’t had an easy life growing up. His mother became paralyzed due to an accident and his father had been unemployed for a couple of years. Money had been tight, so Gale had been working since he was 13. He also loved classical music.  
I came to the conclusion he would be perfect for Madge. She was an only child, but she always said she wanted a couple of kids. Gale came from a large family and he loved children. They both hadn’t had an easy childhood, but both of them were stronger for it. They were hard workers and were ambitious. Gale and Madge even had the same taste in music!  
Gale told me he still hadn’t had a lot of friends in Dublin, so I asked if he wanted to join me and my friends for drinks the next day. 

‘Is there anything going on between you and this Gale?’ Madge asks me, when I call her that evening to tell her Gale is joining us the next day for drinks.  
‘No, we’re just friends’ I answer.  
‘That’s what they all say!’ Madge says laughing.  
‘Ha-ha, very funny Undersee’ I say.  
‘No, we’re to similar and I don’t feel a spark with him’  
‘Okay, if you say so’ she says, sighing. I know she wishes I did like Gale and would be in love with him. I bet that when she meets Gale, she’s happy I’m not.  
‘Yes, you don’t need to worry. I know he feels the same about me’  
‘Why would I worry?’ she asks confused.  
‘I can’t wait for you to meet him’ I say.  
‘Wait.. Are you setting me up? Dammit, Katniss, you know I’m on a break from men!’ she yells in the phone.  
‘Relax, I’m not setting you up’ I lie.

After my phone call with Madge, I text Annie to tell her that I’m bringing a friend from the skeet club.

(Annie - 9:07 pm) _What kind of friend? ^^_

(Katniss – 9:08 pm) _Just a friend, no need to get all excited over nothing. I promise I’d tell you if I did like him (or anyone else)._

(Annie – 9:09 pm) _Good! :) I’ll see you and your friend tomorrow!_

 

* * *

 

 

Finnick, Annie, Madge, Peeta and I are drinking some beers at the pub.  
‘When is your friend coming?’ Annie asks – again.  
‘I’m sure Gale will be here any minute, Annie’ I answer.  
As on cue, the door opens and he comes walking in. I wave and he sees me.  
‘Hey Gale, I was afraid you might be lost’ I say.  
‘I almost was. This isn’t an easy place to find, but I get why you guys like to come here’ he says and he takes another look at his surroundings. The pub is called the Hob and it looks like a pub from the 1800’s. You even get your beer in a tin cup. Gale introduces himself and I look at my friends facial expressions. Annie smiles sweetly while shaking his hand and Finnick gives him a broad smile. Madge looks a little shocked and is suddenly a little shy – _I knew it!_ Peeta on the other hand looks somewhat annoyed, what surprises me. Peeta is a very kind, open and talkative person, who enjoys good company, but now he’s just staring sulky into his beer.  
‘What do you for a living Gale?’ Annie asks. Gale tells us about the firm he just started and that he recently hired his brother. ‘I wouldn’t have hired him if he wouldn’t be qualified enough, but it’s great to have someone working in my firm I know well’ he says with a smile. ‘And I think it’s important to have your family’s back’ he continues.  
‘I think so too’ Annie says.  
‘Rory is his brother, he dated Prim’ I say.  
‘Really? Small world’ Peeta says uninterested. _Okay.._ I hope Gale doesn’t notices Peeta’s hostile attitude.  
‘Yes, isn’t that funny? I join a skeet club and I run into Rory’s brother’ I say with a smile, staring at Peeta. _Lighten up, dammit!_  
‘So, you’re not from Dublin? Where did you grow up?’ Madge asks, giving Gale a smile. Gale tells us about his hometown and when he finishes he asks Madge about her job. ‘Katniss mentioned you worked as a conductor in the theatre. I always liked classical music’ 

Madge and Gale really hit it off, especially after they find out they’re both a huge fan of Doctor Who. They’re already really cute together and I’m proud of myself. The evening goes by quickly and after a few beers Peeta loosens up too. He participates more in the conversation and even manages to be nice to Gale. After an hour or three we call it a night and Gale and Madge walk to their cars together.

 

* * *

 

 

Finnick’s dream had come true. He and Annie were moving to Kerry. Madge, Peeta and I went to their old house to help them clean and put the rest of their stuff in boxes. Annie was stressed out and yelling to everyone ‘To put everything in a box, dammit!’ and meanwhile cleaning every spot in the house.  
I was walking through their empty and ridiculous clean house and it felt so strange. I couldn’t believe my friends were moving to the other side of the country. When everything was in a box we sat down on the floor to eat our lunch. ‘I can’t believe you’re moving to Kerry’ I said for the fifth time.  
‘Me neither’ Finnick said excited. Annie remained quiet and everyone, except her husband, was painfully aware that she wanted to stay in Dublin.  
We kept waiting in silence for the movers to come. Finnick was in his own little bubble, dreaming of swimming, golfing and fishing. Annie looked nervous as hell and Madge and I were drowning in self-pity due to the fact that our friends were moving away.  
‘Hello?! Can someone please say something?’ Peeta had enough of our silence. No one said anything.  
‘Fine’ he said and he got one of the beers he brought with him. Madge seemed to wake up when she saw Peeta drinking his beer.  
‘Hey, what about us?’ she asked.  
‘Well look at that! Now there’s someone speaking again’ Peeta says.  
‘You’d be surprised if you knew what I’d do for a good beer’ Madge joked.  
‘No, I don’t think I would’ he said laughing and joking as well.  
‘Probably not, no’ Madge chuckled. 

I hated it when they were flirting, especially when they hinted to their night together in college. I asked for a beer too, to change the subject and Annie and Finnick decided to join us.  
'I'm going on a date this evening' Madge told us. This got our attention, because Madge decided that after Marvel, all men were dicks, because they all had one. 'With Gale' she continued. She looked a little nervous at me and I saw Peeta looking at me from the corners of his eyes. 'That's great Madge! I had a feeling you two would hit it off' I said smiling. She blushed a little. Unfortunately that's the moment the movers showed up. Suddenly it felt real – our friends are _really_ moving away..

After the movers load all of Finnick and Annie’s stuff in the trucks, we say goodbye one last time. Finnick is grinning from ear to ear and Annie is wiping the tears from her cheeks.  
‘It’s not the other side of the world, just the country’ I try. ‘We’ll still call each other and you’ll come to visit us and we’ll visit you’ I continue, now fighting my own tears. ‘Promise?’ Annie asks.  
‘Of course Annie’ Madge says, and the three of us join in a group hug.

 

* * *

 

 

Finnick and Annie are gone and Madge was off to her date with Gale, so Peeta and I decide to get a drink. Buttercup would be all right on her own for another hour or so. We were talking about Madge and Gale and our own sad single lives. After a few beers I started talking about the worries I had concerning my future. Madge had dated a lot of jerks before she met Gale, who was a good guy. I had met the perfect guy when I was 15, but now he was gone, so statistically speaking I had to date a bunch of assholes before meeting a decent guy. If I was lucky enough for that to happen. What if I was fed up with being alone with Buttercup and just decided to marry some jerk, just to not be alone anymore?  
‘That’s not going to happen’ Peeta assured me.  
‘How are you so sure?’ I ask.  
‘You’d never be satisfied with that’ Peeta answers. I smiled.  
‘You’re way to demanding’ he added. I chose to ignore this.

I noticed that Peeta was acting a little off. Something was bothering him.  
‘You’re not your usual self’ I say.  
‘How do you come to that conclusion?’ he asked playfully.  
‘Well, when you’re bothered by something you always scratch the back of your neck’ I say.  
He smiled and stopped scratching his neck. ‘It's kind of a delicate situation’ he started. Now I was curious.  
‘You know I work with about 10 women and 20 men’ he started. I nod.  
‘Well, you sleep with a few of the women and everything is fine, but then you sleep with a few more and, well, women talk a lot..’  
‘Yes..’ I say, urging him to keep talking.  
‘It turns out that a few of those women compared notes and one of them wrote something on the wall of the ladies’ room’  
‘What’s written on the wall?’ I ask, asking myself if I actually want to know.  
He cleared his throat. ‘Peeta Mellark has a good mouth’.  
I almost chocked in my drink and couldn’t help but laugh over Peeta’s humiliation. He was blushing and scratching the back of his neck again.  
‘Sorry’ I said. ‘That’s horrible’ I felt bad for him, he should’ve had a guy to talk with. He should’ve had Thom. I felt useless.  
‘Now, every time I walk pass a group of my female colleagues, they start to whistle. It’s degrading’ he says, looking at his drink. ‘What would you do?’ he asks me.  
Poor guy, I had no clue what he should do. ‘I would keep my mouth shut’ I say. He starts to laugh and I realise what I just said – keep your mouth shut. I feel myself starting to blush. After a few beers Peeta decided he wouldn’t hook-up with a colleague again and we toasted to a smart decision. 

 

* * *

 

 

When I finally get home, I find Prim cooking in my kitchen.  
‘What are you doing here?’ I ask her surprised.  
‘I have the afternoon and night off, so I decided to check up on you. See how you were doing, now that Annie and Finnick left’ she answers.  
My sweet, thoughtful sister – something is wrong. Not that she’s not a sweet and thoughtful person, but she seems a little down.  
‘You weren’t home so I let myself in – I hope you don’t mind –, took Buttercup for a walk and decided to make some dinner for us’. I tell her I don’t mind at all and that I’m happy she’s here, talking care of me and my dog.  
I give Buttercup a big hug, I haven’t seen her for the majority of the day. ‘Did you miss me?’ I ask Buttercup. She licks my cheek as an answer and I laugh.  
Prim and I eat the dinner Prim cooked for us and I tell her about the problems Peeta has at work. We both laugh at his misery. Poor guy.  
I notice more than ever that my sister has changed since Thom’s passing. She’s not as smiling as much as she used to do and while we talk she’s not as talkative. I know it also has to do something with Rory. Prim doesn’t want to burden me with her problems, because she’s afraid I’m still not my usual self. She’s right, I’m still not over Thom’s passing and I’m not sure that I’ll ever be, but I wish she’d talk to me. Let me help her, like I promised Thom.  
‘Prim..’ I start.  
‘Yes?’ she asks, looking up from her food.  
‘You do know, that if you want to talk with someone, about anything, I’m here for you, right?’  
‘Of course Katniss’ she gives me a tiny smile, but that’s all she says.  
I know that when she’s ready, she’ll come to me.  
We start cleaning our dishes. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think about my story and/or this chapter! I always love to hear what you guys and girls think! :)  
> (if you see a mistake, please let me know - I still don't have a beta)


	8. Bon Voyage!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All rights go to Collins and McPartlin. Hope you enjoy the 8th chapter of my mash-up! :)

Four weeks later I was going to my parents for a Sunday dinner. I was looking forward to it. My mother was a better cook than I was and my father always played the piano after dinner and we would sing a duet or two. Prim would be there too and I hadn’t seen her since the night she made me dinner.

We were eating chicken, a salad and roasted potatoes when Prim said she wanted to tell us something. She started to talk and we gave her our full attention.  
‘After Thom died I lost one of my favourite patients and I became somewhat down. I studied medicine because I wanted to save people who deserved my help and then twice in a few weeks someone died, who didn’t deserve it at all –and there was nothing I could do about it. It got me thinking that life is unfair, but also so precious. It also made me realise that life is so short – to short – and I want to do something with my life that counts!’ she starts.  
‘We always had a good life: we’ve had food on the table, a roof over our head, Katniss and I were able to go to college – you two always gave us what we needed and wanted. So, thanks mom and dad for that’ she says to our parents and they smile. I’m wondering where she’s going with this.  
‘But there are a lot of people who hadn’t had it as easy and good as us. Look at Thom’s parents, they lost two children! Rory’s mother had an accident and she became paralyzed and his father didn’t have a job for years. I always wanted to be a doctor and I still do, but now I want to help a different kind of people. People who don’t even have clean water to drink, who don’t get the medical attention we get, because they can’t afford it. I decided to join Doctors Without Border. I already quit my job and I just heard that I will be leaving in 5 weeks’ she concludes.

My parents and I don’t make a noise and are waiting for the punch line. _She’s kidding right? My sister didn’t quit her dream job to go to Africa, right?_  
‘What?’ I manage to say.  
‘Primrose.. Are you serious?’ my dad asks.  
‘Yes, I’m going to Zimbabwe. I’ll be helping people with HIV and tuberculosis’  
My mother starts to cry and I can’t fight my own tears anymore. I can’t believe my sister is about to leave me too.  
‘I’m sorry..’ Prim starts ‘I want to do help people who need and deserve it. I want to see parts of the world, expand my horizon. I just need to do this’  
‘Why can’t you help people here?’ my mother is crying so hard now, that ‘here’ sounds more like ‘heeerrreeeee’.  
‘Why would I, mom? The people in Zimbabwe deserve good health care too. In my opinion they deserve it even more. Right now would be the perfect time for me to do this, I don’t have a family of my own and I’m not seeing anyo-’  
‘Is this about Rory?’ my mother yells, cutting her off.  
‘No, of course not! I’m not going to Zimbabwe because Rory and I broke up! I’m going because I want to do this. I feel like I lost a part of myself and my passion for my work. I can’t go on like this’

I wanted to beg her to stay, but I knew it would be selfish. She needed to be reminded why she was a doctor. I wish she could remind herself that here, in Dublin, not in Africa, but I understood. I tell her this while wiping the tears from my eyes. ‘I’m so proud of you Little Duck’ I add. ‘I’m proud of you too, Primrose’ our dad says before he gives her a hug. ‘I love you so much, honey’ our mother says and she joins us in a group hug.

 

* * *

 

 

Madge called me three weeks later saying that we should go out again. ‘You, me, Gale, Peeta and a colleague of Gale, Castor. We could get something to drink and go see a movie’ Madge and Gale were now an official item and I was happy for them, but I was afraid that they were trying to set me up with this Castor.  
‘Are you trying to set me up with Gale’s colleague?’ I asked suspicious.  
‘No, I’m not. Don’t be so suspicious Katniss! Castor is new in Dublin and he doesn’t know a lot of people here, so Gale thought he would introduce him to his friends’ she answers.  
Since when were Gale and Peeta friends? I called Peeta to make sure he was going as well, so I wouldn’t be tricked into going to some double date. He said he’d come as well, so I texted Madge I would be there too.

So, here I was with Mage, Gale and Castor drinking some beers. Peeta still wasn’t here and I was getting annoyed because Castor was going on and on about Star Trek or Star Wars. I wasn’t really paying attention, because I’m not a fan of both. Madge missed all of my ‘for-the-love-of-God-help-me’ signals, because she and Gale were still in their honeymoon phase, so their full attention went to each other. I was ready to drown myself in my vodka tonic.  
A half hour later Peeta finally showed up, saying he lost track of time because he was painting a new piece of art. He introduced himself to Castor and Castor asked him if he liked Star Wars.  
‘No, personally I think it’s a big load of crap. Way to far-fetched’ he answers. Castor was dumbstruck and finally shut up. We finished our last drink and went to the cinema, where we would see ‘Silence of the Lambs’ again and I was sitting between Peeta and Castor. We were 5 minutes into the film when Castor started to talk to me again. God, I hated those people. Why on earth would you go to a movie if you’d just talk during the whole thing? I was getting sick of it, so I kicked Peeta. Thank God he got the hint and asked Castor if he could talk a little louder because otherwise he wasn’t able to hear anything.  
‘Nothing’ said Castor uncomfortable.  
‘O, sorry man. I thought you said something’ Peeta whispers.  
Peeta smiled at me and I tried to contain mine. 

Madge suggested we’d get some pizza when the movie was finished and when Castor said he had to go home, I ‘suddenly’ realized that I was hungry too. The four of us went to the Pizza Hut and Madge and Gale announced that they were moving in with each other. I was a little shocked, because they weren’t even dating for two months, but I was happy for them.  
We celebrated their news and then Madge and Gale left together. Peeta and I shared a cab.  
‘Isn’t it a little fast?’ Peeta said thinking aloud.  
‘If you know, you know’ I said wisely.  
He was staring out of the window. ‘How do you know?’  
‘You just know’ I answered.  
‘When?’ he asked.  
I was confused. ‘What do you mean?’ I asked Peeta.  
‘When do you know?’  
‘You just know, Peeta’ I said. He was silent again and kept staring out of the window.  
I was looking at the passing streetlights and daydreaming about the woods my father used to take me to. I obviously had no clue what I was talking about.

* * *

 

It was exactly 5 weeks ago when Prim told us that she was going to Zimbabwe. My parents were throwing her a going away party. Peeta, Madge and Gale were here too. Unfortunately, Finnick had the flu, so he and Annie weren’t able to come. Some of Prim’s colleagues and friends stopped by too, so the place was getting crowded. I needed some air, so I went outside and Peeta followed me.  
‘Missing her already?’ Peeta asked me.  
‘I’m just worried.. My little sister is going to Africa for Doctors Without Borders. That's a big deal. I’m so proud of her, but I’m going to miss her so much’ I answered.  
‘I know.. But she’s not so little anymore’  
‘She may be 23 years old now, but she’ll always be my Little Duck’ I say, wiping a tear from my cheek.  
‘Come here’ Peeta says and he gives me hug. I feel much better in his embrace.  
Peeta is so sweet and he smells so nice, like cinnamon. I end our hug before he notices I’m acting like a dog.

The airport was a nightmare. There we were, a family where the family members were wondering who was going to cry first. Prim was grinning. I knew she was excited, but I could also feel her fear. I look at my little sister and think how she has inherited the best qualities our family has to offer: my mother’s healing hands, my father’s level head, and my will to fight. There’s something else there as well, something entirely her own. An ability to look into the confusing mess of life and the ability to change this mess into something good.  
‘If there is one person in the world who can do this, it´s you Little Duck’ I tell my sister. Tears are streaming down my face and I give her a tight hug. My mother is crying as well and she gives Prim a hug.  
‘I´ll try to be home for Christmas, mom’ Prim says.  
‘Promise?’ my mom asks.  
‘I promise’  
My dad grabs Prim’s shoulders and tells her how proud he is of her. ‘I’m proud of you too dad’ she says while giving him a hug. We watch her walk away through the glass doors that will take her to Africa. She waves one last time and she’s gone.  
I turned to my parents and saw my dad fall apart. Tears were streaming down his face and he was making a noise I’d never heard before. My mother gave him a hug and I told him we’d see Prim again with Christmas. He nodded.  
  


* * *

 

 

A couple of days later Annie called me. She and Finnick were trying to get pregnant, but they still hadn’t succeeded. She was getting worried.  
‘Do you think I should get tested?’ she asked me.  
‘No, it’s way too early for that. It takes some people years before they get pregnant’  
‘That’s true’ Annie agreed.  
‘Besides, if you want to get tested, you both should get tested’ I said.  
‘You think that there’s something wrong with Finnick?’ she asks defensively.  
‘No, I didn’t say that! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the both of you! But what good will it do when only one of you gets tested?’ I ask a little panicked.  
‘Yes, I guess that’s true’ I wasn’t feeling so well, so I told Annie I had to go.

I took two painkillers and dragged myself to bed. When I woke up in the middle of the night I felt even worse. My throat ached, so I went to the bathroom to get some water. When I stood in front of the mirror I saw my whole body was covered with little red dots. I had the chickenpox! _No!_ I couldn’t believe it.  
My doctor arrived an hour later and he confirmed I had a mean case of the chickenpox. He told me to stay home for the rest of the week and he gave me some lotion. My parents were gone for the weekend and my sister was in Zimbabwe, so they couldn’t take care of me – I felt like crying. Madge hadn’t had the chicken pox, so she couldn’t come either. Annie and Finnick weren’t in Dublin and Sae had the flu herself.  
I was cursing all of my students, because apparently one of them brought the bacteria in my classroom, when I heard the doorbell ring. Buttercup started to growl, so I knew it was Peeta. ‘Peeta, go away!’ I yelled from behind my front door ‘I have the chickenpox, it’s highly contagious’  
‘I already had it as a kid, so I’m immune now’ Peeta says.  
‘Open the door Katniss, I brought some ice-cream, a few movies and some lotion’  
_My hero._

Peeta puts a DVD in the DVD-player and I start to eat my ice-cream. I’m wearing gloves so I can’t scratch myself, so eating the ice-cream is a challenge. My cheeks are covered with ice-cream and I clean myself with one of my gloves.  
‘Sexy’ Peeta jokes.  
‘Shut up’ I say.  
‘No, I’m not kidding. You look so sexy in your pyjama’s, covered in red marks and ice-cream. It would turn everyone on!’ he says laughing.  
‘Fuck off’ I was too sick to ward off his witty comments. ‘Stop making fun of me, I could die. Chicken pox is a very dangerous decease for adults!’  
‘You could die!’ he repeated for his own amusement, still laughing at my expense. ‘You’ll be sick for a couple of days and then you’ll be fine’  
‘Okay, but I still feel awful, so please stop nagging me’ I say.  
‘I wasn’t nagging you – you look stunning!’ Peeta says.  
I roll my eyes at him.

Peeta covered my back in lotion and made me cups of tea. We watched another movie together and when I needed to go to the bathroom he helped me take off my filthy gloves. He was so sweet for me. At ten o’clock Peeta helped me get in my bed and he checked if I had enough lotion on my nightstand.  
‘How on earth are you still single?’ I say thinking aloud. ‘You’d be such a good boyfriend’  
Peeta’s cheeks turn pink and I’m immediately aware of the tension hanging in between us. I act like I am half asleep, not knowing why he suddenly became so silent.  
‘Sweet dreams, Katniss’ he whispered.  
I closed my eyes, but I could feel Peeta staring at me a few seconds before he closed the door. _What was that about?_

He stayed for the night and the next morning I find him in my kitchen making some breakfast.  
‘I wanted to bring you some breakfast in bed’ he says disappointed. ‘Do you feel any better?’ he asks.  
I say that I do and that I’m even hungry. He gives me some toast and a cup of tea.  
‘Thom has been death for 1 year, 2 months and 4 days now’ I suddenly say.  
‘Really?’ Peeta asks. ‘Do you think he can see us?’ I ask.  
‘No, I don’t think he can’ Peeta answers.  
‘Really? You don’t think there’s a possibility that Thom can see us?’ I challenge him.  
‘No, I hope he’s in a better place’ he suddenly sounds sad.  
‘You’re right. Why would he stick around?’ I tried to smile.  
‘Someday you’ll be able to let him go, Katniss. I hope it’ll be sooner than later’ he says, staring at his toast.  
‘Yeah, me too’ I say.  
He leaves a little after breakfast. His mood has changed and I’m happy he’s going home. I felt silly and sad. _Me and my horrible people skills.._

 

* * *

 

 

Ten days later I was going to see Thom’s grave. I hadn’t been there in a while and I wanted to check up on my roses. The roses were blooming and they looked gorgeous.

_Thomas Micheal Adams_  
_25 years_  
_Now with God and his angles_

I wish he was here, with me. I started talking to him.  
‘Hey stranger’ I say.  
_Nothing._  
‘I’m sorry I haven’t been here in a while’  
_Nothing._  
‘Prim has left to Africa for Doctors Without Borders. You’d be so proud of her. I had the chicken pox last week, but Peeta took good care of me’  
_Nothing._  
‘I wish I could see and speak with you, just one last time’ I say and I wipe a tear from my cheek. ‘I haven’t seen you in my dreams in a while either. First you’d come every night. I hope you’ll come again’  
_Nothing._  
I was staring at his gravestone, hoping for an answer but I heard nothing.  
_O my God!_ I couldn’t remember his voice!

I ran to my car and drove as fast as I could to my home. Tears were pouring from my soul. I felt so ashamed. I got my old cell phone and listened to an old message Thom left me 2 years ago. _‘Katniss, it’s me. I’m running late because my boss decided to have an extra meeting about something unimportant. I’m sorry, honey. Could you get some Chinese for dinner tonight? I’ll be home around 8. I love you’_  
There he was again. Safely on my old phone and now in my brain again.  
_Why couldn’t I get my life back on track?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please let me know what you thought or felt in the comments below. :D xx


	9. Paris

Summer had passed and before I knew it, September had turned into October. It was my birthday weekend and I was turning 26. I had been looking forward to this weekend, because me and my friends were going to Paris. Peeta was in Paris for work, he was following an ‘Art in the French Renaissance’ course at a museum and when we found out that he would have an apartment for himself, we decided it would be the perfect place to celebrate my 26th birthday.   
Madge and Gale were picking me up and we would join Finnick and Annie at the airport. Peeta had already been in Paris for a week and it had been a long week without him. I hadn’t realized how much I relied on him.

We landed on a small airport nearby Paris and took a bus that would take us to the city. Peeta was waiting for us at the bus stop and he was talking and smiling broadly. I was looking forward to one of his hugs, but then I saw the reason why he was so happy. He was busy introducing a girl to our friends. She was tanned, had long golden blond hair, cascading in curls and had green eyes. She introduced herself as Cashmere Duboise and she gave Finnick two kisses on his cheeks when she shook his hand. Madge and Gale came out of the bus and suddenly I realized that I was surrounded by couples. _Great.._

Peeta tells us that Cashmere’s brother, Gloss, had donated money to the museum and that they met at a party thrown at the museum to thank all of the benefactors. Apparently, this Gloss, was a rich and famous French DJ.   
Peeta and Cashmere led us to the apartment. It had three bedrooms that were quickly taken by the couples, so I had to sleep on the couch. I’d rather sleep on a couch than to share a bedroom with one of the three couples. It was clear to me that everyone wanted to have as much sex while we were in Paris as possible. Thank God I brought my headphones.   
‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’ Peeta asked again.   
‘I really don’t mind’ I said smiling. I was in Paris, I didn’t care if I had to sleep in a barn.   
‘So…’ Peeta started.   
I looked up questioningly. ‘Yes?’ I asked hopeful, even though I didn’t know what I was hoping to hear.   
‘What do you think of Cashmere?’ he asked.   
‘She seems nice’ I lied. The girl was arrogant and she pushed her breasts in your face if she was trying to make a point.   
‘Well, I’m not sure I’ll see her anymore after Sunday’ he said, searching my face for a reaction.   
I wasn’t sure what he was hoping to see so I just smiled at him. ‘In every town a different girl’ I joked, so I had something to say.   
‘Yes’ he said, but he obviously didn’t think it was that funny.

Later that evening Cashmere took us to a peculiar little restaurant. ‘This is where the French eat’ she explained. I thought it was a strange comment – we were in France, who else would eat here? Peeta raised his glass and made a toast. ‘To our birthday girl. That she’ll always stay this beautiful’   
I blushed.   
‘To Katniss’ my friends said smiling.   
Cashmere looked at me like she didn’t know what Peeta was talking about. I could practically hear her think: _to stay beautiful, you have to be beautiful._   
I didn’t care what she thought of me and my looks and smiled gratefully at Peeta.

Cashmere’s brother wasn’t just a famous DJ in France, he also owned his own nightclub – something Cashmere reminded us of every 5 minutes and after dinner she took us there. There was loud music and a lot of dancing people. I ordered a vodka-soda and Cashmere told us that the VIP-room was open.   
‘Were going to the VIP-room?’ Annie asked excited.   
‘Of course, my brother is a famous DJ and he owns the place’ Cashmere answered haughtily. ‘Did you think we were going to a barn?’ she said, laughing in Annie’s face.   
‘I wouldn’t be surprised. Seems like you would fit right in’ Madge said. No one ever messed with Madge’s friends – I’m so happy I’ve always been one of them. Cashmere just stared at Madge, waiting for her to back down, but she didn’t. Cashmere surrendered and walked away.   
‘What a bitch’ Annie said and Annie rarely curses. Madge and I agreed.

When we walked into the VIP-room we saw Peeta and Cashmere talking to some guy. He was a classical beauty, with golden blond hair and green eyes. I figured he must've been Cashmere’s brother. We sat down in some fancy chairs and to piss off Cashmere, I sat down next to Peeta. Gale and Madge were slow dancing on a fast song and Finnick and Annie were talking with each other.   
‘Can I sit here?’ Cashmere’s brother asked.   
‘Sure, free country and all’ I joked. He smiled.   
He held up his hand and introduced himself. ‘Gloss’ he said.   
‘Katniss’   
‘One of Peeta’s friends’ he said.   
‘Yes and you’re Cashmere’s brother?’   
‘I am’.   
Someone asked him about his latest Top 10 hit and they started talking about his success in the music business. Apparently he was going on tour in America the next day so he started bragging about that. I had no clue who he was, so I got bored quickly and decided to light up a cigarette. Gloss snatched it out of my hands and started smoking it. ‘Thank you’ he said, giving me a million dollar smile. I just lit up another one.   
‘Want to dance?’ Gloss asked me.   
‘Maybe later’ I answered. I bet he wasn’t used to hearing that and I could see he was intrigued by my answer.   
‘Come on’ he said and he grabbed my hand. I could feel Peeta and Cashmere’s eyes in my back and when I turned to wave, they both looked pissed.   
Gloss took me to a private balcony looking over a gorgeous piazza. We lit up another cigarette. ‘You’re Irish, but you’re not a redhead’   
‘Smart observation’ I said smiling.  
‘It means you’re filled with fire. You’re a woman on fire’ he chuckled. ‘You’re single right?’ he asked.   
‘I am’ I said.   
‘Peeta told me about his friend, your boyfriend. I’m really sorry for your loss’ he said. I hadn’t seen that one coming and I became quiet.   
‘Sorry, it wasn’t my intention to cause you pain’   
‘You didn’t’ I say, looking at the millions of stars across the sky. It was gorgeous. I wanted Peeta to make a painting of this view.   
‘Are the skies this beautiful in Ireland?’ he asks.   
‘Sometime they’re even more beautiful’ I answer.   
‘We’re going to dance now, okay?’ he says. He leads me to the dance floor and pulls me close. He stared into my eyes and he ran his hands through my hair. We dance for a while before he asks me if I want to go to his house.   
‘Sure, why not?’ I answer.   
We walked pass Peeta and Cashmere and I noticed that they were staring at us. Finnick and Annie were dancing together and Gale was getting a drink.   
‘Are you two leaving?’ Madge asks us, visibly excited by the prospect.   
‘Yes, we are’ Gloss says and he winks at her.   
‘Goodnight Peeta’ he continues, smiling.   
‘Night’ Peeta says. He looked mad and Cashmere looked shocked, but I didn’t care.   
I pretended like I didn’t see people staring and pointing in our direction. I even ignored the girls who tried to touch Gloss while we walked to a cab. Apparently he really was _that_ famous. 

I sat down on Gloss’ couch while he made me a drink. We were about to kiss, but then something funny happened. We started talking – like really talking. He asked about Thom and I told him things even Madge didn’t know. He told me about the girl who broke his heart. She moved to Canada, leaving him behind and then she died in a fire.   
We also laughed a lot. We had the same sense of humour, same ideals and mentality. Of course we were really different as well. He was a famous DJ, I a teacher. He was arrogant and I’m shy, but we had a lot of fun. After a while, we moved to his bed and we fell asleep.   
A few hours later I woke up. He was already awake and he smiled at me. We started kissing and we took of each other’s clothes. All I can say is, that if he was as good as a DJ as he is a kisser, than I’m not surprised he’s so famous. And even better: I didn’t have to cry after.

‘Will we see each other again?’ he asked me when we said goodbye.   
‘No’ I said smiling.   
‘Too bad’ he said, giving me a smile.   
‘Thank you for a great night’ I said and I meant it. I’d needed this night of uncomplicated fun and pleasure.   
‘You’re welcome, Katniss’ I got into my cab and we parted our ways.

 

* * *

 

 

Madge and Gale were still sleeping. Annie and Finnick had left hours ago to a museum. I was in the kitchen making coffee for myself. I heard someone coming up from behind me.   
‘Where the hell have you been?’ Peeta asks me. His eyes are spitting fire and he was pointing his finger at me.   
‘Excuse me?’ I say defensively.   
‘What the hell were you thinking? I have been worried about you all night!’ he drops his finger, but his face still hasn’t lost its anger.   
‘You knew where I was, don’t be an ass’ I say.   
‘Exactly! And from what I’ve seen this week of Gloss, you could’ve been God knows where with God knows who. How could I know that he wasn’t done with you in an hour? You don’t know him!’ he yells at me.  
Every ounce of fun and unconcern I’d felt after my night with Gloss was gone. He made it look like it was ugly and wrong.   
‘You are such a hypocrite! You can bang everything that moves, but I can’t even have one night? No, because you’re such a stud and I’m just pathetic old me, right?! Save yourself the trouble of worrying about me Peeta, because I don’t need you!’ I’m fighting my tears at this point.   
He lost all the colour is his face. ‘I’m sorry..’ he starts ‘I didn’t mean it like that.. I was just worried’ His reaction was ridiculous.   
‘Than what did you mean?’ I yell.   
‘We’re friends..’ he muttered.   
‘So all of my other friends are going to yell at me too when they see me?’   
‘No’ he shook his head while looking at the floor.   
‘Than what is the problem, Peeta?’ I ask.   
‘I..’ he stopped and started to scratch the back of his neck. I waited for him to continue.   
‘I..’ he stopped again. _What on earth was wrong with him?_   
‘I’m sorry’ is all he says before he goes back to his room, leaving me alone in the kitchen, crying. _Dammit!_   
‘Katniss!’ Madge said cheerful when she walks into the kitchen. ‘I’m impressed! Gloss Duboise, the famous DJ! Sure, we’ve never heard of him, but millions of others have! And who are we?!’ her smile disappears when she sees my red puffy face. ‘What happened? Did he hurt you?!’ she demands.   
‘No, last night was great. This morning was great. That was, until I came here’ I answer.   
‘What? I’m not following you’ she says confused.   
‘Peeta’ I answer.   
‘What about him?’ she asks, still confused. I tell her about the fight we had just minutes ago while wiping the tears from my cheeks.   
‘Okay grab your purse Katniss, we’re going to get some breakfast’ she says when I finish talking. She leaves a note for Gale, saying that she left with me, but that he should still join Finnick and Annie for the boat tour on the Seine.

We had a great day and I almost forget the fight I had with Peeta. After an amazing breakfast, Madge and I shopped a little, but we spend most of the day just walking through Paris. I bought a new pair of jeans and a watch. Madge bought a new dress and a pair of shoes.   
At six o’clock we went back to the apartment. Finnick, Annie and Gale were already there. Annie told us about the Mona Lisa and that she’d bought a painting of the Seine that would be shipped off to Kerry. Finnick and Gale had become friends for life because they both had a small case of food poisoning, after they ate an undercooked hotdog. They were starving now and so were we, so we decided to go out for dinner. It was a nice evening, but I missed Peeta, what got me thinking about our stupid fight.

Finnick, Annie, Gale and Madge wanted to get some drinks in a pub, but I was too exhausted to tag along, so I went back to the apartment. I sat down on my couch and Peeta came out of his room and joined me. ‘You were right, I was an ass’ he says. ‘I never want to say or do anything that hurts you. I’m sorry’   
‘I know’ I say and I give him a smile. It’s impossible for me to stay mad at him.   
He still looks so sad, so I take him in my arms and we give each other a hug.   
‘Where’s Cashmere?’ I ask in the middle of our embrace. I feel him stiffen against me and he says that she’s gone. I remember Gloss telling me she was his personal assistant, so now that he’s on tour, she’s gone too.   
‘At least we still have each other’ I say and I smile at Peeta. He smiles back at me and his eyes are sparkling. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, because I'd love to know what you thought! :D


	10. The Heroine

It was almost Christmas and I wasn’t looking forward to it. For me it meant last-minute Christmas shopping and spending way to much money on gifts, listening to ‘Jingle Bells’ 40 times a day and grading my students tests. On top of that I had to attend a few boring Christmas parties. There were two thing I did look forward to: me and my friends were spending New Year’s at Finnick and Annie’s place in Kerry and Prim was coming home. I’d missed my little sister so much..

I was wrapping gifts when my phone rang. ‘Prim?’ I asked excitedly.  
‘Katniss, it’s Prim’  
‘Little Duck, how are you?’  
‘What? I- crrrrr stand you. What did crrrrr ay?’ I had trouble understanding her too, the phone line was terrible.  
‘I don’t ha- crrrrr time. I can’t come home for Christ- crrrrr’ Prim says.  
‘What? You’re not coming home?’ I say, incredible disappointed.  
‘I’m so sorr- crrr. I just can’t lea- crrrrr. Tell mom an- crrrrrr love them. I love you, Katn- crrr’ and with that, she was gone.  
I sat down on my couch and Buttercup found her spot next to me. ‘Did you hear that Buttercup? Prim isn’t coming home.. I wanted to see her so badly..’ I tell my dog. She licks my hand to cheer me up. ‘Aren’t you just the sweetest dog? I think I’m going to buy you some antlers. You’d look so nice all dressed up for Christmas’. Buttercup stops licking my hands.  
Okay, so maybe I won’t dress her up.

 

* * *

 

 

One of the boring Christmas parties was at Gale’s firm. I really didn’t want to go, but Madge had to attend, so she guilt-tripped me into going. ‘I promise it’ll be fun’ she said. ‘It’s a Christmas party, how bad can it be?’ My point exactly. Peeta was in full Christmas mode. He even looked forward to Gale’s party, because he would bring a date. She was tall, had emerald green eyes, flowing blond hair and had a nice rack – pretty much the worst nightmare of any woman. Her name was Glimmer and they’d met at work. She was a reporter for a magazine that was doing a piece about the newest exhibit at the museum. He’d needed an excuse to ask her out and Gale’s Christmas party was the perfect occasion. I was changing in a dress for the party when my doorbell rang. It was Peeta.  
‘Hey, you’re early. I haven’t eaten yet’ I said.  
‘Me neither. I just came from work’  
‘I ordered a pizza, it should be here any minute’  
We move to my living room and we drink a beer. ‘How was work?’ I asked, keeping an eye on Buttercup – making sure she’d behave now that Peeta was here.  
‘Fine’ he answered, but he didn’t look pleased.  
‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.  
‘Nothing’ he said, looking at his beer.  
‘Peeta’ I said stern. I knew something was wrong.  
‘My boss offered me a promotion’ he said.  
‘Peeta that’s great, congratulations!’ I said elated.  
‘Yes’ he said unhappily. There was no smile to be seen on his face. ‘The only problem is, that it’s a job in a museum in New York’  
‘New York?’ I repeated. He nodded. ‘Wow, that’s great’ I had no idea what else to say. I felt a lump grow in my throat and we both became silent. Thank God that was the moment the pizza guy showed up, so I had a good excuse to leave the room before I said something stupid like ‘don’t go’.  
When I brought back the pizza he said it was an amazing opportunity. ‘It is’ I said. ‘You can be really proud of yourself’ I hope I sounded convincing enough.  
‘When will you leave?’ I asked.  
‘At the end of January’ he answered, looking at my floor.  
‘January?’ I asked shocked. ‘That’s great’ I continued enthusiastic trying to hide my sorrow.  
‘You think?’ he asked me, now looking me in the eyes.  
‘Absolutely’ I said, trying to give him a wide smile.  
Peeta called for a cab when we finished our pizza and I went to the bathroom. ‘Fuck’ I said. I felt horrible and I was already missing him, but there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him too, but if he wanted to go, I couldn’t stand him in his way. I wasn’t his girlfriend, we were just friends..

We arrived a little after 9 and the party was already going strong. ‘Katniss, you’re here!’ Madge said enthusiastic while giving me a hug. I could smell the wine on her breath. ‘Jeez, lighten up Katniss! It’s a party’ Madge tells me when she sees the sour look on my face.  
‘Peeta is leaving’ I tell her.  
‘Already? But he just arrived!’ she says upset.  
‘No, Peeta is leaving to New York at the end of January’  
‘You’re kidding!’  
‘Do I look like I’m kidding?’ I ask her angrily.  
‘Did you ask him to stay?’ she asks me.  
I was confused. ‘Of course not. It’s none of my business. Why would I ask him to stay?’ I ask annoyed. Madge throws her hands in the air.  
‘I don’t know Katniss. I really have no clue why you would ask him to stay. I’m going to the bar’ and she storms off.  
_What the hell did she mean with that?_

I was drinking my second drink when Rory came up to me.  
‘Hey, Katniss. How have you been?’ he asks me. The last time I spoke with Rory was when he called me to apologise for the bar incident and that had been a while ago.  
‘I’ve been well. How are you doing?’ We talk about our jobs and our lives before he asks me about Prim. ‘She’s doing great. She’s working hard in Zimbabwe, but she loves it. She was supposed to come home for Christmas, but unfortunately she couldn’t make it’  
‘You must be so proud of your sister. I know I am. I never thought she’d go to Zimbabwe with Doctors Without Borders, but come to think of it, I’m not surprised. She always was selfless, sweet and brave’ Rory says.  
‘You miss her too, don’t you?’ I ask.  
‘Of course I do, before we started dating she was one of closest friends’ Rory answers.  
‘She misses you too’ I tell him. He gives me a sad smile. ‘Why don’t you try to call her or something?’ I ask. Now that the station she works at, has a wired phone, we were able to have actual conversations with her.  
‘You think she’d like that?’ Rory asks me.  
‘I know she will. I’ll give you the number you can reach her with’  
‘Thank you Katniss’ he says before we say goodbye.

After being hit on four times by drunken guy, I reached my limit. I wanted to go home, so I said goodbye to Madge and Gale.  
‘Thank you for coming Katniss’ Gale said.  
‘Did you order a cab?’ Madge asks me.  
‘No, I’ll stop one on the street’ I answer. I really needed to get out of there, so I didn’t even say goodbye to Peeta. He was busy sucking Glimmer’s face off anyway..  
There were so many people waiting for a taxi, that I decided to walk home. It would just be a 20 minute walk anyway.  
After walking for a while, I came into a much darker and less crowded area. I was walking pass a dark alley when I heard someone screaming. I stopped and listened carefully. ‘Shut up, you bitch!’ I heard a man say.  
‘Please don’t! Help!’ I heard a girl scream.  
I ran towards the noise as fast as I could and I saw a man lying on top of a young girl. Her shirt was torn and she had an ugly cut on her cheek. The man was trying to rip of the girl's underwear and with his other hand he tried to silence her. I quickly looked around and found an old broomstick.  
I grabbed it and ran towards the man. He hadn’t hear me coming, because he was to busy pulling off her clothes. I hit him with all the strength I could muster – again and again and again. He held up his hands, trying to protect himself and the girl got up quickly and fell against the wall.  
‘Get up! Get up!’ I yelled at her, still hitting the monster. She was terrified, but she got up, holding her ribs and she tried to run away. I gave him one final blow on his head and ran towards her, grabbed her hand and together we ran towards the street.  
‘Help! Help!’ I yelled and suddenly I saw a couple walking towards us. ‘Help us!’ I yelled at them and they did. They called the police and an ambulance took us to the hospital. 

The girl had a few broken ribs, her wrists were bruised and her face was bleeding. Someone called her mother and the doctor gave her something so she could sleep. A nurse was taking care of my swollen hand, when a police officer came to talk to me.  
‘Hey, Katniss. Do you feel any better?’  
‘I never told you my name’ I said suspiciously.  
‘Yes, you did. In the hall, 5 minutes ago’  
‘Oh’ I said. I felt numb and disoriented and I think I was in shock.  
‘That girl was very lucky you heard her screaming, but four the record, it’s never a good idea to attack a wrapist by yourself’  
‘I know, but I had to do something’ I said. I felt my face swelling up – I probably hit myself with the broom as well.  
‘Did you get him?’ I ask.  
‘We did. We found him passed out in the ally. Do you want us to call someone?’  
‘Peeta’ he was the only person I could think of.

Peeta arrived a half hour later. It was obvious that no one had told him why I was here.  
‘Katniss, what happened?’ he asked when he saw my injuries. Then he noticed the police officer. ‘What happened?’ he asked again, now slightly panicked.  
I was so relieved to see him. ‘I’m fine’ I said smiling.  
‘Than why are you here? Why is _he_ here? Did someone attack you?’ he looked scared for my answer.  
‘No, I was the attacker’ I said smiling.  
‘O God! Is she under arrest?’ he asked the officer.  
‘Peeta-‘ I said, but he cut me off. ‘Katniss, let me take care of this’ he said stern.  
‘No, she’s not. Some people would say that she’s a hero. Or should I say heroine?’ he winked at me.  
‘Sorry, but can someone please tell me what happened?’ Peeta asked confused.  
‘I’ll let you two talk’ the officer said and he left us alone.  
I told him what happened after I left the Christmas party and Peeta looked at me like he didn’t understand a word I had said.  
‘Jesus Katniss, you could’ve gotten yourself killed’ he said upset.  
‘I had to help her’ I said, while wiping a tear from my cheek, now fully realising how lucky I was that the bastard hadn’t touched me.  
‘I know’ Peeta said.

Before we leave the hospital I decide I want to see the girl again. To make sure she’s safe.  
She was sleeping and her mother was sitting next to her, silently crying. The girl was 17 years old, but she was so small for her age. She had a nice chocolate coloured skin, black curls and I remembered she had gorgeous brown eyes. Standing there behind the glass looking at the girl, I suddenly felt like an intruder, so Peeta and I left. He placed his hand on my lower back when we walked to his car. His touch felt so comforting. 'What happened to Glimmer?' I asked Peeta, now realising I had probably interrupted his date. ‘She wasn’t my type’ he answered. I wondered what his type was, but I didn’t ask and we left it with that. 

 

* * *

 

 

It all felt like a dream the next day, but when I saw my bruised face in my mirror, I knew it wasn’t. Sae stopped by for coffee and she brought a homemade apple pie. She knew she was always welcome when she brought one of those.  
‘Let me see your face’ she ordered. ‘How’s your hand?’ she asks.  
‘Better’ I answer and I get some plates for the pie.  
‘Peeta called me. I didn’t know I lived next to Walker Texas Ranger’ she said laughing.  
‘He called you?’ I ask.  
‘Yes, he’s really worried about you’ Sae answered.  
‘I’m fine Sae’ I say, giving her a brave smile.  
‘You’re not’ she says knowingly. She grabs my face in both of her hands. ‘It’s time to move on, honey’  
She hit a weak spot and I started to sob uncontrollably. I finally say what I wanted to say for over a year. ‘It’s my fault, Sae. If I hadn’t gone back inside to grab my scarf it would have never happened!’  
‘Listen up young lady, there is no such thing as ‘if’. You can’t change what happened – it is what it is’ she says stern.  
I shake my head. ‘He didn’t want me to go back inside, he just wanted to go home. It’s my fault he’s dead’ I say crying.  
‘No, it’s not Katniss! It’s not and don’t believe for a second someone holds you responsible’ she takes my hand in hers and squeezes it soothingly.  
I had to make another confession. ‘Sae, I don’t feel him in my heart anymore and it’s not even two years ago. I hate it. He deserves so much more’ I was still crying.  
‘I’ll ask you one thing. If you were the one who had died that night, didn’t you want him to move on and be happy?’  
Of course I did and she knew this. I nod. ‘Why?’ she asks me.  
‘Because I loved him!’  
‘And he loved you, Katniss’ Sae says.  
‘Sae? Do you think he can see us?’ I ask her. I wasn’t a superstitious person, but I wanted to know what she thought.  
‘He probably checks up on you once in a while. It must be highly frustrating for him’ she answers.  
‘What do you mean?’ I ask confused.  
‘Well, he has already moved on. It’s time to let him go, honey. It’ll only hurt the both of you more if you don’t’  
I knew she was right. It was time to let him go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think the girl was Katniss saved? What did you guys think of this chapter? :) xx


	11. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! :)

‘Hey, Katniss it’s Prim’ I hear my sister say when I pick up the phone.  
‘Prim! How are you doing?’ I’m so glad to hear my sister’s voice again.  
‘I’m doing well. I miss you guys so much, but working here is so fulfilling and I’ve met so much inspiring people’ she tells me. She sounds happy.  
‘Really? Someone inspiring in particular?’ I ask smiling.  
‘No, but I did receive a call from Rory. He told me you gave him the station’s number’ Prim says.  
‘Are you mad that I did? He told me he was so proud of you and he really wanted to talk to you’ I say.  
‘No, I’m not mad. I’m actually really happy that you did. It was nice talking to him again, but how about you? Is there someone special in your life?’ Prim asks.  
‘Only Buttercup’ I joke. Buttercup hears me saying her name and she looks up at me.  
‘How is Peeta?’ Prim asks.  
Suddenly I feel blue. ‘He’s moving to New York, for a job’ I tell my sister.  
‘Maybe he needs something to stay for’ she says.  
‘That’s none of my business, Prim’ I say.  
‘Maybe’ she says. ‘Thom has been gone for a while’ she adds quietly.  
‘I know’ I say. I know where she is going with this, but I’m not ready for that conversation just yet, so I asked when she was planning to come home.  
‘I’m not sure yet. I’m needed here by a lot of people’ Prim answers.  
‘You’re needed here too, Prim. And wanted. Don’t forget that’ I say.  
‘I know, I won’t stay here forever’ she says. ‘I love you Katniss and I’m really proud of you. We’ll talk again soon’ Prim promises me.  
‘I love you too Little Duck and don’t forget how proud we all are of you!’ I tell her before we hang up.

 

* * *

 

 

Peeta, Gale, Madge and I were driving to Kerry. I had been looking forward to this trip to Kerry from the moment we’d planned it. I was glad we were leaving Dublin behind and going to the countryside, but I was even more glad that I was sitting next to Peeta on the backseat. Being close to him always made me feel safe.  
After 5 long hours we finally reached Finnick and Annie’s mansion. I had to admit: I was impressed. It was a gorgeous, large and old house with an amazing view. Finnick and Annie were already waiting for us outside. Peeta was the first to get out of the car and he ran into Finnick’s arms. _Men.._  
‘Hey, Rambo’ Finnick said smiling before he gave me a hug.  
‘Hey Sugar Cube’ I say greeting my friend. It was my special nickname for Finnick from when we were in college. Finnick and I once went to a bar together and when we were done singing all of the songs in the karaoke bar, we decided to play ‘Truth or Dare’. In one of the rounds he chose ‘Dare’ and I dared him to put 20 sugar cubes in his mouth and to whistle our national anthem. He chocked after a few notes, spit the cubes out, fell of his chair and broke his nose. I laughed so hard, I don’t think he ever forgave me. It was the last time we went out with just the two of us.  
‘Katniss, how are you doing?’ Annie asked me when she gave me a hug.  
We walked to their kitchen and Annie made us all some tea.  
‘So you hit the man with a broom until he passed out?’ Finnick asked, looking impressed.  
‘Who knew you were so mean?’ Annie said with a smile.  
Peeta didn’t say a word and he didn’t look as impressed as the others were. I was glad he wasn’t, because I wasn’t planning on beating another rapist unconscious anytime soon.  
‘How is that poor girl doing?’ Finnick asked.  
‘I don’t know’ I answered. ‘I got a call from her mother. She thanked me and she said that she was taking her daughter on a vacation. That’s all I know’. I hoped she was at least doing a little better.  


After dinner we all went to bed quickly. Annie was drunk and we were tired from the drive to Kerry. Five minutes after I went to bed I heard a knock on my door.  
‘Can I come in?’ I heard Finnick ask.  
‘Yeah, sure’ I said and he entered my room.  
‘I wanted to talk to you about something’ Finnick starts. I always hated it when people started a conversation with that sentence. ‘I have been thinking..’ _Great.._ ‘It wasn’t really a smart move of you to attack a rapist all by yourself’ Finnick continues.  
‘I wasn’t planning on doing it a second time’ I say, giving him a small smile.  
‘Good’ he said, smiling back at me. Then he told me how upset Peeta had been. ‘He really cares about you, you know?’ his smile faded.  
‘I know’ I said, blushing a little.  
‘Do you even care about him?’ he asked me accusingly.  
‘Of course I do!’ Why would he ask me something like that? I was getting annoyed.  
‘He told me he’s moving to New York’ Finnick says.  
‘Yes, it’s an amazing opportunity’ I say.  
‘You told him this?’  
‘Of course I did’ I say annoyed.  
We were both getting annoyed with one another. ‘If you have feelings for him, and we all know you do, than I advise you to get your head out of your ass and tell him so’  
I couldn’t believe him! ‘Kerry made you mean!’ I said and I threw my pillow in his face. He laughed and he threw the pillow back.  
‘I’m just trying to help you open your eyes. Do me a favour and don’t tell Annie we had this conversation – she’ll kill me’  
‘Okay’ I muttered.  
‘Good night, Katniss’ he said as he closed the door.  
I lay down on my bed, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept thinking about how Finnick said that everyone knew I had feelings for Peeta. No one had ever said anything. Prim sometimes hinted that we were both single and Madge sometimes made a remark over our close friendship, but that was it. What if Peeta knew I had feelings for him? I started to blush. I needed to talk with Madge.

I knocked on Madge and Gale’s door and walked into their room. It was only 1am but they were both already asleep.  
‘Gale’ I whispered, trying to wake him up. Wow, that guy was snoring like a bear. How could Madge sleep through this? ‘Gale, wake up!’  
‘What the hell?’ he says, while rubbing his eyes. ‘Katniss? What are you doing here?’  
‘I need to talk to Madge, it’s really important’ I say. ‘Can you please sleep in my room so I can talk to her?’ I beg.  
‘Okay..’ he says, still confused.  
When Gale leaves, I wake up Madge by turning on the lights. ‘Katniss? What are you doing here?’ she asks still half asleep.  
‘I need to talk to you’ I answer.  
‘It better be important. Where’s Gale?’ she asks annoyed.  
‘I send him to my room’ I answer.  
‘Ok.. What’s wrong Katniss?’ she asks, now more concerned.  
‘I’m in love with Peeta’ I confess. She immediately sits up straight.  
‘Finally! It was about time’ she says smiling.  
‘What should I do?’ I ask her, slightly panicked.  
‘Tell him. He’s in love with you too’ Madge says.  
‘What?’ I was practically yelling. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’  
‘Because we both know you would have become hysterical and you would have started to hit me with something’ she answers.  
She was right, I would have been hysterical. I hadn’t been ready yet.  
‘But you’re ready now’ she says, as if she can read my mind.  
‘How should I tell him?’  
‘Just jump his bones’ Madge says laughing. I start to blush, I’m such a prude.  
‘Okay, than just tell him. He feels the same about you’ Madge tells me again. I smile broadly and I feel butterflies swirling in my stomach – I forgot how that felt like.  
‘Don’t you think it’s unfair towards Thom?’ I ask her. This is my biggest fear. I don’t want to disrespect my first love or his memory by dating his best friend.  
‘Absolutely not. Thom was always one of my best friends and I knew him almost as well as you did, so believe me when I say that he would be really happy’ she answers.  
I know she’s right, but I just really needed her to say that. ‘Thank you Madge’ I say.  
‘You’re welcome. Can you now please turn off the lights, so we can sleep?’  
I obeyed and quickly fell asleep next to her.  
_I’m in love with Peeta.._

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning we were having breakfast with each other. Madge and Gale were playing footsie with each other, Finnick was making eggs and Annie was nursing a hangover. I had no idea what Peeta was doing, because I was too afraid my face would turn into a tomato or that I would puke, if I’d let my eyes travel to his. Finnick had planned a whole day for us. We would go hiking in the woods, he had hired a boat to go sailing on a lake and before dinner he wanted to take us to a golf court.  
‘A boat?’ Peeta asked nervously. He wasn’t much of a water person.  
‘Yes a boat, Peeta. I promise you there’ll be life vests you can wear’ Finnick says grinning. Peeta scowls.  
Than Finnick turns to me. ‘I’m sure that if you fall into the water, Katniss would jump right in and save you’ he says, smiling wickedly.  
_Dammit Sugar Cubs!_ I can feel myself starting to blush. Peeta looks at me smiling – _holy crap those eyes.._  
‘Or not’ I joke, trying to sound normal.  
‘And here I was, thinking I could count on you’ Peeta says laughing.  
I giggle. _Giggle!_ Dammit, I never giggle. ‘When are we leaving?’ I ask Finnick, to change the subject, hoping no one noticed I giggled.  
‘An hour from now, is that okay with everyone?’ Finnick asks. 

We all get in Finnick’s Range Rover. Peeta is sitting in the front seat, next to Finnick. Gale, Madge, Annie and I are sitting in the back of the car.  
‘What’s wrong with you?’ Annie whispers.  
‘Nothing’ I whisper back, hoping Gale couldn’t hear us.  
‘You’re lying. We’ve been in this car for 5 minutes and you keep braiding your hair and you giggled at breakfast – you never giggle! O, and Madge told me about last night’  
‘I was going to tell you’ I say.  
‘About damn time!’ Annie says smiling.

We had been walking for over an hour and the woods were gorgeous. Unfortunately, I was too busy worrying about my recent discovered feelings, to actually enjoy my surroundings. Annie and Madge took the opportunity to talk with me about these feelings.  
They were excited and convinced that it would be a piece of cake. I was nervous and they told me how amazing I was. Madge came up with the idea to kiss Peeta a happy New Year, when it would be 12 o’clock tonight. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that plan..  
After a couple of hours, Finnick realized we were lost. This was the first time I had ever been lost in the woods. Normally I always knew approximately where I was and how to get back to the place where I started my hike, but I had been so distracted that I hadn’t paid any attention.  
Luckily, Gale was a skilled scout, so he brought us back to the car. We had been walking for four hours, so Finnick’s plans unfortunately all had to be cancelled. I was disappointed, but Peeta was relieved he didn’t have to go sailing.

We drove to a pub and spend a few hours drinking Irish Coffee before we headed back to Finnick and Annie’s. Tonight was New Year’s Eve and I was already exhausted. I went to my room to take a shower and change into something more comfortable.  
I wanted to tell Peeta about my feelings, but what if he didn’t return them? Yes, he had told Madge he was in love with me, but that had been a year ago and he had been drunk. Maybe his feelings for me were gone and maybe that was part of the reason he was moving to New York. I’d had waited too long – I’d missed my chance..  
If he didn’t feel the same and I would tell him, our friendship could end. I couldn’t lose his friendship. When I left my room, I’d decided I’d rather have a friend in New York, than to lose Peeta’s friendship forever.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just recently began my second story on AO3 called "My Second Life", maybe you can check it out? I'd love to hear how you guys feel about it! :)
> 
> What did you guys think about this chapter? :D xx


	12. Like Yin and Yang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's chapter 12! I hope all of you will enjoy this chapter! :D Rights ofcourse go to Collins and McPartlin!  
> If you havent yet, please check out my second story - My Second Life, love to hear what you guys think!

Peeta had cooked us an amazing dinner. We dined and drank like gods. After dinner we moved our little party to the living room, where we watched some television. I was sitting next to Peeta and I had the feeling everyone was waiting for something to happen between us. Peeta, thank God, didn’t notice a thing while he was drawing in his sketchbook. He was drawing one of the views we had seen that day. I was watching his hands while he worked, making a blank page bloom with strokes of his pencil. His hands are very manly: large and strong and I wondered how they would feel if they travelled around my body.. And his eye latches.. I became a little fixated on his eyelashes. They’re a light golden colour and so long, that I didn’t see how they kept from getting all tangled up when he blinked.  
I quickly returned my gaze to the TV, hoping no one had noticed that I was staring at him. I tried to calm myself with the thought that everyone probably thought I was looking at his sketch.  
It was a minute before 12 o’clock and we began to count down. Everyone yelled ‘Happy New Year’ at the same time and the couples started to ‘wish’ each other a Happy New Year. Peeta and I smiled at each other.  
‘Happy New Year, Katniss’ Peeta said and my heart stopped beating for a couple of seconds. He pulled me in a hug and I swear that made my heart start beating again. He kissed me on my cheek and broke our hug.  
‘Happy New Year, Peeta’ I said, giving him a small smile. The rest of the evening we listened to music and drank until we were almost drunk .  
  
Madge and Annie walked me to my room. They were upset that I hadn’t kissed Peeta a happy new year like we discussed I would when we went hiking. I apologised and said that it was too late now anyway.  
‘It’s not! What do you want Katniss? To be happy with the guy you love or to be miserable the rest of your live?’ Madge said upset. ‘Go to his room!’  
Annie nodded in agreement. ‘Tomorrow you’ll be headed back to Dublin and he’ll be leaving for New York in 6 weeks. It’s now or never’ Annie said.  
They left me alone in my room and when I was surrounded by darkness, I was confronted with the decision I had to make. I could go to his room and tell him how I felt or I could go to bed and forget all of this.  
Madge was right. I wanted to be happy – I deserved to be happy! I realised that what I needed was like the dandelion in the spring. A bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our loss. That it can be good again. And I knew that only Peeta could give me that. I brushed my teeth and put on my bathrobe and I walked to his door.

‘Who’s there?’ I heard Peeta ask when I’d knocked on his door. ‘Katniss’ I said when I found the courage to speak. The door seemed to open immediately. There he was – standing right in front of me. His blonde curls were a mess and his sparkling blue eyes were looking into my dull grey ones. Even though he was wearing sweatpants and a baggy shirt, he still looked so hot.. _Focus, Everdeen!_  
I told him I wanted to talk to him and he let me in. His room was amazing. One of the windows was actually a door that lead to a courtyard. I went outside and admired my view, a riverside. ‘It’s gorgeous’ I said, enjoying my surroundings.  
Peeta smiled. ‘Did I already show you my bathroom?’  
He showed me his bathroom. The tub was circular and the room smelled like Chanel. While I was cursing Annie for giving me my small room, Peeta was waiting for me to tell him why I had come knocking on his door at 3am in the morning. We sat down on his bed and he waited for me to start talking. My heart was racing and my muscles tightened. Peeta asked if I was feeling okay and he looked worried. I said that I was, with a hysterical grin on my face, what probably made him doubt my answer.  
This hadn’t been the strong start I had been hoping for, but I wasn’t backing down. I took a deep breath. ‘I don’t want you to go to New York’ I said. _Dammit, I wanted to tell him that I loved him!_  
His mood changed and he looked at me intently. ‘Why not?’ he asked slightly hoarse.  
‘Because I would really miss you’ I answered. Again not what I wanted to say. _Why was I so bad with words?!_  
I wanted to look away, but he kept my gaze. His eyes were wet and sad. Even though he was wearing a shirt, I could feel his heat radiating from his body. I craved him.  
‘Why, Katniss?’  
_Because I love you._  
‘Why would you miss me?’ he asked defiantly.  
‘Because..’ my voice abandoned me.  
‘Because what?’ he asked urgently.  
‘Because I love you’ I confessed. Finally.  
‘You love me?’ he asked sceptical. I nodded and he started to smile.  
‘You? Love me?’ he asked again.  
‘Yes’ I said, now smiling as well.  
‘Not just as a good friend?’ he asked.  
‘No, not just as a good friend’ I confirmed.  
He leaned towards me. ‘How long?’ he asked.  
‘A long time’ I confessed.  
‘I love you too’ he said smiling broadly.  
Our lips finally collided and we started kissing. Our hands started to travel over each other’s body and it felt so good. It wasn’t weird at all. It felt indescribably good. Like it was always supposed to be this way. We undressed each other quickly and it wasn’t awkward, there was no bumping into each other or any clumsiness. It was like we already knew each other intimately. It felt so naturally to be with him in this way. Like we fit together like yin and yang pieces.  
He was naked on top of me when he asked me again if I was sure. He was so sweet.  
‘Absolutely’ I said smiling and I pulled him in for another kiss. He was finally inside me and we both grasped for air. My back arched and Peeta took the opportunity to take one of my nipples in his mouth. The sensation of his lips around my nipple and the friction he was causing where both of our bodies were joined as one, brought us both over the edge. Peeta doesn’t just have a _good_ mouth, he has a _great_ mouth, a great _everything_..  
  
Afterwards, we were lying in his bed, in each other’s arms. I felt so content.  
‘What are you thinking of?’ Peeta asked me while he was playing with my hair.  
‘Why did it take me so long?’ I answered.  
‘You’re a little slow-witted sometimes’ he answered laughing.  
‘Shut up’ I said, laughing as well.  
We talked the entire night. About the past, the future and Peeta said he wasn’t moving to New York anymore. I was so happy I cried out of joy and I kissed him again.  
The next morning Gale, Annie and Finnick were sweet enough to bring us breakfast in bed.  
‘Good job Peeta!’ Finnick said smiling wickedly and giving his friend a thumps-up.  
‘We figured you’d be starving right about now!’ Gale said laughing.  
‘We love you, bye’ Annie said giving us a smile, while pushing the guys out of the room. Peeta and I looked at each other and then we burst out laughing. I felt like was sixteen year old again. 

 

* * *

 

 

It was a grey, cold day in January. My hands were blue due to the cold, while I was walking towards Thom’s grave. I wanted to say what was on my mind and leave again, but then I saw Michelle, Thom’s mother, cleaning his grave. ‘Katniss!’ she said, smiling warmly despite of the cold.  
‘Michelle’ I said and we gave each other a hug.  
‘I haven’t seen you in a while. How have you been?’ she asked me. I felt so guilty and I started to apologise. ‘Stop, Katniss. There’s no need to apologise. I’m just really happy to see you again’  
‘Me too’ I said. I’d missed her.  
I helped her clean Thom’s grave and we started to talk about my students and her bridge classes.  
When we finished cleaning we went to a little café and ordered coffee’s. ‘You look good Katniss, happy’ Michelle said and the guilt returned. ‘Are you?’ she asked.  
‘I am’ I admitted.  
‘Good, I’m happy to hear that’ she said. I knew it was selfish, but I didn’t want to tell her about Peeta and the fact I was happy with Thom’s best friend, while he was dead and buried.  
Turned out, I didn’t have to. ‘How’s Peeta?’ she asked.  
‘He’s doing good’ I said blushing.  
‘Your mother told me about you and Peeta and I’m so happy for you the two of you. I was worried you wouldn’t find anyone to love again’ I felt like I was about to cry. She was so wise and sweet. ‘I still love him’ I said.  
‘I know. I do too, but he’s gone and we’re still here’ she said while squeezing my hand.  
‘Peeta is amazing’ I said grinning.  
‘Well, I’m not surprised – he had long enough to practise’ she said. We both laughed shamelessly and toasted with our coffee’s to that statement.  
We hugged each other goodbye and when I was driving home, I realised I hadn’t had the chance to talk to Thom. But I knew I didn’t have to, he knew and he was happy for me.

 

* * *

 

 

In February Peeta moved in with me. We’d agreed to take things slow, but then we realised we really didn’t want to. First I was a little worried about living together in the house that I had once shared with his best friend, so Peeta asked if I wanted to move. But I loved my house and he did too and the years I had spent here had been amazing, so I didn’t want to leave. We did buy a new bed, but when I told Peeta I just couldn’t throw the old one away, he suggested we could put my old bed in the guest room and throw the old guest bed away. He wasn’t jealous or annoyed by my point of view. He understood and that made me love him even more.

Everyone was overjoyed when we made the announcement, except for Buttercup. She never really was a fan of Peeta and now that he was always around and he was getting a lot of my attention, made Buttercup’s dislike for Peeta even bigger. So, it wasn’t a surprise when she started ‘protesting’. Buttercup had ripped Peeta’s sneakers apart, peed on his pillow and refused to go with him on walks. She reminded me of a spoiled child..  
When Sae came over for some coffee, I brought up my little problem.  
‘It’s so weird, Sae. I never knew dogs could act like this. She really hates him..’ I told my neighbour.  
‘She’s jealous. Since you got her, it’s always been the two of you and you probably spoiled her too much’ Sae said wisely.  
‘That would make sense, but she never really liked him. What should I do?’ I asked.  
‘Let Peeta give her all of her meals and the two of you should take her on her walks together. She has to tolerate him first and then they’ll eventually become friends’ Sae said.  
I nodded. It made sense when Sae put it like that, but when she asked if I had ever thought about getting Buttercup a therapist, I started to doubt her sense.  
I never in a million years would have thought that I would have a conversation like this about my pet. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may seem like a bit of an ending, but it's not. There's still a lot going to happen in all of our heroes lives! Hope you all are looking forward to the next chapters! :D  
> What did you guys think about this chapter? Did you notice the few HG quotes? :)  
> Love to hear your thoughts on this chapter and MSL :)


	13. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! :) All mistakes are mine.

Prim had been gone for over a year. She still called us all as much as she could, but it wasn’t nearly as much as I wanted it to be and calling wasn’t the same as talking face-to-face. I missed her terribly. Peeta and I were having a Sunday dinner with my parents, when Prim suddenly called. My mother yanked the phone out of my dad’s hands so she could speak with her youngest daughter. After my dad finally finished talking to Prim, it was my turn. I told her Peeta and I had moved in together and she said that she wasn’t surprised and that she was really happy for the two of us. I passed Peeta the phone after I finished talking to my sister, because he kept nagging me. He left the room immediately so he could talk with her in private.  
On our way home I asked him what the two of them had been talking about, but he just gave me a cute smile and didn’t say a word. I was getting annoyed, but that only seemed to make him smile more, so I decided I would ignore him for a while. When we got home however, Peeta distracted me with sex and soon I had forgotten all about it.

Two Sundays later Peeta couldn’t join me at my parents, so I went on my own. My parents and I were having dinner and talking about Buttercup, when we heard the front doorbell ring. My mother rose and when she opened the door, my dad and I heard her scream. My heart skipped a beat and my stomach turned over. My dad jumped out of his chair and I ran behind him to the door. We expected to see my mother terrified to death, but she was overjoyed – even though she was crying. She was hugging my sister and next to them was a grinning Peeta.  
‘Surprise!’ Prim said smiling.  
‘Primrose!’ my dad said and his voice broke. He took his wife and his youngest daughter in his arms and he started to cry. I felt tears run over my cheeks.  
‘Did you miss me?’ Prim asked me before we gave each other a hug that seemed to last for over an hour. I was so glad my baby sister was home.  
The remaining part of the evening Prim told us about being a doctor in Doctors Without Borders, the people she had met and the places she had seen. Eventually my parents went to bed and Peeta, Prim and I talked some more. Prim was excited that Peeta and I were finally a couple and even living together. She told me she already knew Peeta had feelings for me.  
‘Remember when I told you that I had to give Peeta some stitches in the hospital? That’s when he told me’ she says. Peeta blushes.  
‘You promised you wouldn’t tell her!’ he says, feigning embarrassment. We laugh and I kiss Peeta’s cheek. Seeing Prim laugh like this, reminds me of the friendship she had with Thom and that thought makes me smile. Peeta notices and squeezes my hand to bring me back to the present. We keep talking for hours, but neither Peeta nor I ask her about her plans for the future. It was her first night back and we didn’t want to pressure her and I was a little scared she’d tell us that she was planning to leave again.

 

* * *

 

 

After Buttercup and I had shared a nice and long walk, I was doing some laundry when Madge suddenly showed up. It was a Sunday afternoon and she and Gale had been away for a romantic weekend. When Madge had told me that Gale was taking her away for the weekend to a romantic b&b I started having some suspicions.  
My suspicions were confirmed when she came in beaming with happiness. She held up her left hand and on her ringfinger I saw an engagement ring with a round diamond. ‘Gale asked me to marry him and I said yes!’ she yells. I yell and we start jumping excitedly in the air before I give her a hug. When we sit down with a glass of wine she tells me about the proposal.  
‘Katniss, it was amazing! Gale is such a romantic!’ Madge starts, ‘it was such a surprise. He took me out to dinner after we had spent the morning hiking and the afternoon relaxing in a spa. And when we walked back to the inn after dinner, he suddenly stopped and kneeled down. We were on the beach and the sky was lit up with like a million stars!’ Madge says with a distant look in her eyes that tells me she is back at that beach again. ‘He told me he loved me like he had never loved anyone else in his live and he wanted to spend the rest of his live loving me’ she continues smiling and she wipes of a tear.  
‘Madge I’m so happy for you! I love you so much’ I tell her while I also wipe a tear from my cheek.  
Madge grabs my hands. ‘It’s weird how things can go, don’t you think?’ she asks me. ‘For a long time I thought that the next wedding would be Thom and yours’  
‘Me too’ I confess.  
‘Do you think Thom would have liked Gale?’ Madge asks me.  
I nod. ‘Absolutely’  
She smiles. ‘Yeah. Gale would’ve liked him too’. She’s silent for a moment before she asks if I still miss him.  
‘Yes’ I say.  
‘But you wouldn’t change your life right now if you could?’ she asks me.  
‘I don’t have the power to do so. It took me a long time, but I finally understand _why_ I don't and I don’t want to change that fact either. I’d probably make a huge mess if I could..’ I say. ‘Life is just so.. complicated.. I’m just going to try to enjoy the rest of this crazy ride’ I say smiling.  
Madge smile too. ‘It’s good to see you so happy again’  
‘You too’ I say smiling. If someone deserves to finally have found true love and be this happy, it’s Madge.  
Everything was going to be alright, at least for a little while, in this rollercoaster life of mine. Peeta is my future and I’m in love with him. I think a part of me fell in love with him the moment I met him all those years ago. I did think he was incredibly hot and I smile at the memory.  
‘What’s so funny?’ Madge asks me smiling.  
‘Nothing, just that I think Peeta is hot’  
‘He sure is!’ Madge says giggling before she takes another sip of her wine.  
‘Gale is hot too’ I note. _Okay, the wine is definitely kicking in._  
‘Dear Lord, don’t I know it?’ Madge agreed.

Sae stopped by a few minutes later with a cake to complain about her husband. ‘You two are not going to believe what he did this time around..’ Sae starts. I offer her some wine but she declines so I make her some tea. Sae starts telling us that her husband is participating in a protest march this very moment, against the felling and selling of trees. I noted that this was a very important cause. Sae told us it was about Christmas trees.  
‘O who cares Sae? I’m getting married!’ Madge said smiling.  
Sae puts her tea on the table and turns with a serious expression towards Madge. ‘Do you love him?’ she asks.  
‘More than I love my piano’ Madge answers.  
‘Does he love you?’ Sae asks her.  
‘More than he loves soccer’  
‘Does he have an affinity for the Greens?’  
‘Not that I know of’ Madge answered, her infectious smile never leaving her face.  
‘Good. Then I wish you two all of the love in the world sweetie’ Sae says and she affectionately squeezes Madge’s hand.  
After an hour or so they both leave. Madge is going home to her fiancé and Sae has to get her husband out of a tree.

 

* * *

 

 

A few days later I get a phone call from Annie.  
‘Annie what’s wrong? Did something happen?’ I ask her when I hear her crying on the other end of the phone. I feel panic rising within me. After losing Thom, I always assume the worst has happened. The worst has already happened – why wouldn’t it happen again?  
‘I’m so miserable Katniss’ I hear Annie say. ‘I love Finnick so much, but I’m so miserable here in Kerry. I miss my family back in Dublin and I miss you guys so much. It’s just… I just hate it here!’ she’s crying so hard I can barely understand her.  
We all knew she wasn’t exactly happy with moving to Kerry, except for her husband who was clueless, but I hoped that in time she would be as happy in Kerry as Finnick is. I feel like such a bad and selfish friend for not asking her how she was really feeling, but Annie did what she always does – put up a happy face and take care of her loved ones, while neglecting herself in the process. ‘There’s nothing to do around here. I still can’t find a job, there aren’t any sport clubs I want to attend and I have to drive 35 miles if I want to buy a pair of jeans! I barely know anyone here.. I'm so lonely here..’ she continues and I hear her blowing her nose.  
‘Did you tell Finnick how you feel?’ I ask.  
‘No’ she answers.  
Of course she didn’t. She didn’t want to bother Finnick with her unhappiness or ruin his dream to live in a small town.  
‘But he’s your husband and he loves you. You should tell him, because he’s supposed to care about how you feel!’ I say and I suddenly feel really upset with Finnick. How can he be so blind to his wife’s misery? Sure, I didn’t know either, but I don’t see Annie every day and he is her husband! Annie starts crying even harder and she makes a confession. ‘Katniss.. I.. I.. don’t want to hurt him. We’ve been trying to have a child for over two years now and well.. nothing.. I don’t want him to think that I think he’s failing in that department because I’m not pregnant yet’  
‘You two are trying to have a child?’ I ask in disbelieve. ‘Why didn’t you tell us?’  
‘I don’t know.. Thom died and we just wanted to tell people when we’d be expecting. I guess that neither one of us thought it would take this long. It’s just that.. that I always wanted to be a mother and Finnick knows this. I don’t want him to think that I’m unhappy with him because I’m not pregnant yet, even though I wish so badly that I am’  
‘Than tell him this. Tell him you’re unhappy because of Kerry, not because you’re mad or disappointed with him’ I tell her.  
‘You’re right, I know you’re right and I’m going to tell him. I just don’t want to hurt him’ Annie says.  
‘I know..’ I’m silent for a few seconds before I begin to talk again. ‘You’re so concerned about his feelings, but maybe he should be concerned for yours now for a change’ I say. ‘If there’s one thing I have learned these past few years, it’s that life’s too short to be unhappy, Annie’  
She's silent for a couple of seconds. ‘You’re right, Katniss. Thank you for listening’ she says quietly.  
‘I’m always here for you, okay? I’m just one phone call away’ I tell her.  
‘I know. I love you Katniss’ Annie says.  
‘I love you too’ I say before I hang up the phone. I can’t stand the thought of Annie being so unhappy and I wish I could do something to change this, but I know it’s all up to her now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next few chapters there will be more Everlark moments and even more Odesta & Gadge drama.  
> How did you feel about this chapter? :) Love to hear your thoughts!


	14. In Sickness and in Health

After our conversation Annie was determined to talk with Finnick. Unfortunately, the result was a huge fight. Annie wanted to move back to Dublin, but Finnick wanted to stay in Kerry. She told him she was homesick, he told her that he hated the city. He said she hadn’t tried enough to adjust to the life in Kerry. He had made a lot of friends and she bluntly refused to even try to make new ones. He stated the obvious: they had an amazing house in Kerry, they wanted to have kids and she had agreed to move to Kerry. She told him it was harder for her to make new friends, but when he asked, she couldn’t explain why.  
She noted that they still had an apartment in Dublin and enough money to buy another house if they wanted to. They still weren’t pregnant and there were better schools in Dublin. They yelled and they screamed. They never had a fight like this before. Finnick was disappointed that she wanted to quit and not give it another try in Kerry. Annie was disappointed that her husband was either blind to her pain or that he just didn’t care enough. Annie always gave Finnick what he wanted, but she couldn’t do it anymore. At 4am in the morning she packed her bags and drove to Dublin. Finnick woke up on the couch and found a note with the word ‘Choose’ written on it.

It had been two weeks after Annie had left and Finnick still hadn’t called her. Annie was heartbroken. She had lost 6 pounds, because she couldn’t even stomach soup.  
‘I left and he doesn’t even care’ she called me crying.  
‘No, he loves you. He’s just upset and he needs some time..’ I didn’t know what to say, but I tried to stay positive, even though I was really upset with Finnick as well.  
‘Where is he?’ she wailed.  
_Good question._  
‘Why can’t he meet me halfway?’  
_Even a better question._  
‘Does he even love me?’  
_A frightening question._  
I didn’t want her to be all alone all the time, so Madge, Annie and I were having a girls night in her apartment the following Friday. We were drinking wine, eating ice-cream and discussing Madge’s upcoming bachelorette party, what was a great topic to make Annie forget her problems, at least for a little while. Madge had asked Annie to be her maid of honour. She figured that Annie could use the distraction of helping plan a wedding and that she would do me a favour if I didn’t have to help. She was right, I wasn’t a girly girl and planning a wedding sounded like a nightmare, but Annie loved it and she would do a way better job than I would’ve done.  
‘I don’t want a crazy bachelorette party. No strippers, no penis-shaped items, no stupid shirts. I just want a nice night with my friends, eating a lot of junk food, doing some games and then we go dancing!’ Annie nodded and wrote it all down in a notebook.  
‘Do you want a limo?’ she asked.  
Madge pondered. ‘Yes, this will be my only bachelorette party after all’ she said smiling.  
‘Who do you want to invite?’ I asked.  
‘My cousins, a few colleagues and Clove and Bristel from college. O and Prim. Is she still going to be in Dublin then or is she going back to Africa?’ Madge asked me.  
‘Well, she doesn’t know yet. She wants to go back to Africa, but she also wants to stay here..’ I say, suddenly feeling sad. I wished she’d never leave again, even though I couldn’t be prouder of what she had done with Doctors Without Borders. If she wanted to help them again in Africa, I would support her decision, but first she had to make one. The remaining part of the evening we talked about the party and the wedding. Madge and I tried our best to cheer Annie up and to let her know we had her back.  
After 11 Peeta drove me home. Annie had fallen asleep on the couch and Madge would stay over. Peeta made me bath and I stayed in there for an hour enjoying the hot water. He brought me a cup of tea and sat next to me on the floor, just like Thom used to do. He offered to rub my back, just like Thom used to do. He took care of me just like Thom had always done and I realised I was really happy.  
While I was lying in bed with his arms around me, I told him about Annie’s weight loss due to her unhappiness.  
‘I would move to the moon for you if you wanted to live there’ he said, his eyes full of love. I lost myself again in his eyes and this time I let myself.  
‘I love you’ I whispered before I kissed him. It still felt like it was the first time. 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day Madge, Annie and I were shopping for dresses for Madge’s engagement party.  
‘Do I look fat in this dress?’ Madge asked for the 13th time.  
‘No, you don’t look fat in any dress’ I answered for the 13th time.  
Even though all the women in my life (my mother, sister, Madge and Annie) loved to shop, it never became a hobby of mine. Madge had convinced me to buy a new dress as well, so I decided to buy a little black dress. Even I couldn’t go wrong with a choice like that, considering I had the fashion sense of a cow. Annie had bought three dresses, one of them being a knee-length pastel coloured dress with a sweetheart neckline, that she was going to wear to the engagement party. She said that shopping with her husband’s money was a great way to numb her pain, so she made sure the three dresses came with new accessories and matching shoes.  
My feet were killing me and I was starving, so when Madge finally bought a dress (a dark blue one, with long sleeves), I didn’t say it looked a lot like another one of her dresses. She would’ve disagreed with me anyway.  
We were finally having lunch in a pub and I noticed that Annie wasn’t eating, but playing with her food. ‘You should eat something, Annie’ I say.  
‘I’m just not that hungry’ she tells her salad.  
Before Madge or I can make a comment, Madge’s phone starts to ring. It’s Gale’s office, so she answers the call with a smile on her face. I see her smile die on her face.  
‘Gale’s in the hospital. He collapsed at work’ she explains with fear in her eyes. She grabs her coat and her purse and I tell her I’ll drive her. Annie says she’ll stay and pay for the meal and that she’ll meet us at the hospital. We leave the pub without another word.  
‘Everything’s going to be alright’ I tell her.  
‘I know’ she says quietly, but her words sound empty.  
We run into the hospital and almost collapse on the information desk. Madge’s mother died due to a heart attack and I knew she was convincing herself that Gale was doing the same thing this very moment. Madge is shaking and her voice had left her, so I ask the nurse what has happened to my friend’s fiancé. Madge is holding on to me like I’m a safety net while the nurse checks the computer.  
‘He’s in surgery’ she answers.  
Surgery is good, it means he’s still alive. Madge’s mother never made surgery and Thom didn’t either.  
‘Is it his heart?’ Madge asks crying, while breaking all the bones in my left hand, afraid for the nurse’s answer.  
‘No, it’s his appendix. He’ll be out of surgery in a few minutes’ the nurse says smiling.  
‘His appendix? Not his heart?’ Madge asks in disbelief. I see the colour returning to her face. She suddenly starts to laugh hysterically and that makes me laugh. I’m just so relieved.  
‘Excuse me, but this is a hospital. If you can’t contain yourself, you should leave’ the nurse says angrily.  
‘Sorry’ I say and I take Madge to the waiting room. 

‘I’m sorry’ Madge says, ‘it wasn’t my intention to laugh like that. Appendicitis is very serious, but I was just so relieved it wasn’t his heart’  
‘Me too’ I say smiling.  
When we walk into the waiting room, we see Rory already sitting there. Next to him is Prim, holding his hand.  
‘Prim?’ I ask surprised.  
‘Katniss? What are you doing here?’ she asks, surprised as well, and she quickly lets go of Rory’s hand.  
‘I was with Madge when she heard the news and I drove her here’ I answer. ‘What are you doing here?’  
She slightly blushes ‘I-..’ she starts, but she gets cut off by a doctor.  
‘Are you Mr. Hawthornes family?’ the doctor asks. ‘The surgery was successful and he’ll wake in a couple of minutes. You’re welcome to go to his room’  
‘Thank you’ Madge says before she goes to Gale, with Rory following her.  
‘Let’s give them some space’ I say to Prim. We don’t have to be there when Gale wakes up and I want to talk to my sister in private. ‘Were you with Rory when he got called?’ I ask her.  
She nods. ‘Yes.. we-uh.. were having lunch together and I thought that maybe Rory would appreciate having a doctor coming along’ she explains.  
‘Why were you and Rory having lunch?’ I ask with a slight smile.  
‘Can’t friends have lunch together nowadays?’ Prim asks me with a defensive tone.  
‘Yes, but when they tell about that lunch, they normally don’t blush’ I say.  
‘I’m not-‘ Prim starts, but this time she gets cut off by my phone.  
My phone tells me it’s Annie. ‘Annie? Are you here? Gale is-‘  
‘Is this Katniss Everdeen?’ an unfamiliar voice asks me.  
‘Yes? Who is this and how did you get my friend’s phone?’ I ask annoyed.  
‘This is Zac from the pub. Your friend just fainted and she was out for a while, so I called an ambulance and they are going to bring her to the hospital’ Zac, apparently, explains.  
‘What..?’ a million thoughts and emotions run through my mind. ‘Is she awake? What hospital?’ I ask worriedly. Fear burns in my heart.  
‘She is. The paramedics are taking her to St. James now’ he answers before we end the call. Good, that’s the hospital we are now.  
‘Prim, it seems like I need a doctor by my side now’ I say. She looks questioningly at me. ‘Annie fainted at the pub. The paramedics are taking her to this hospital now’ I explain. 

I text Madge what happened to Annie, but that she should stay with Gale and that I’ll call her if I know more. A half an hour later I’m in Annie’s hospital with Prim.  
‘Luckily it’s nothing serious’ Prim explains, after she took the liberty to look over Annie’s chart. ‘You have to take better care for yourself. You were dehydrated and your levels show us you haven’t been eating properly the last week or so. Add to the mix that you’ve been very stressed out lately and it’s no wonder you ended up here’ Prim says and she squeezes Annie’s hand affectionately.  
Annie starts to cry. ‘I’m sorry..’  
‘This is not your fault!’ I say and I can feel the tears coming. Seeing Annie in even more pain, breaks my heart even more. ‘God, I was so scared..’ I say and I give her a hug.  
‘I’m sorry’ Annie says again.  
An hour later, Gale’s asleep, so Madge comes to check up on Annie. Annie has to stay the night and she’s really tired, so we leave to give Annie her much needed rest. Rory is Prim’s ride home, so we say our goodbye’s in the hospital.  
Madge is livid and decides to call Finnick when we get back to my place. ‘Look what he did to her!’ she yells when we are in my car. ‘She’s so upset that she ended in the hospital! Why isn’t he reaching out to her? Why isn’t he trying to make amends?’  
Peeta had been calling Finnick almost every day for the last two weeks and it turned out that Finnick, just like Annie, felt depressed and a victim due to their separation. Peeta was trying to convince Finnick to make the first move, but he wouldn’t budge. As far as Finnick was concerned, Annie had left him, so she should be the one to make the first move. Finnick was stubborn and was used to Annie being the one to give in.  
But tonight, Madge and I finally succeeded where Peeta had failed. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise in the next chapter, everyone is much happier ;) but that might chapter might take a while, because I'm going to Berlin for a week :D  
> How did you guys feel about this chapter?


	15. Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little shorter than usual, but I hope you all enjoy! I'm very excited about this chapter and I hope you guys and girls are too! :)

‘Finnick?! It’s Madge. Don’t you dare hang up on me!’ Madge yelled in the phone. ‘Listen, Annie is in the hospital. She has been a wreck for the last couple of weeks. Waiting for a call from you, that hasn’t come yet. That girl loves you so much and she’s so miserable right now, that she can’t stomach any food, has barely drank anything and now she’s in the hospital! She’s your wife and she needs you. You need to drop this selfish act of yours and get your ass over here, where your wife is’ Madge was silent for a minute and listened to Finnick. ‘He wants to talk to you’ Madge said while handing me the phone.  
‘Hey’ I said quietly.  
‘Hey’ he said quietly as well. ‘How is Annie?’  
‘Physically or emotionally? Both terrible Finnick’ I was silent for a second. ‘Finnick, Annie loves you so much and she always did her best to make you happy. I know you love her just as much, but it’s now your turn to return that favour’  
Finnick started to cry. ‘I love her so much. I was just so angry with her for leaving me.. But you are right, it’s now my time to take care of her and make sure she’s happy. I can’t lose her!’  
‘Then go to your wife and tell her this’ I said.  
We talked for a minute more and then we ended our conversation.

Our phone call had worked. Five hours later Finnick was sitting next to his wife giving her the ‘Choose’ note. The word ‘choose’ had been crossed through and he had written the word ‘You’. Annie was happy, but she made it perfectly clear that if Finnick wanted to stay her husband, they had to make a lot of changes. They talked for hours. Finnick apologised for being selfish and confessed to Annie that when he heard she was in the hospital, it had been the scariest moment of his life. They finally agreed to live most parts of the year in Dublin and they would spend the summers and Christmases in Kerry. Finnick told Annie what he had told me one the phone and Annie told him that she loved him too.

 

* * *

 

 

It was the day of Madge’s bachelorette party and I woke up before the alarm had started to ring. This wasn’t anything unusual, I’d always been an early riser, but when I woke up, I still felt tired. Peeta was still sleeping peacefully – he looked so cute, it made me smile – and I considered waking him up to talk about the bachelorette party, but I knew that he wouldn’t be very happy with me if I did.  
I got out of bed and a half hour later Peeta found me bathing in the bathtub. He offered to make me some breakfast, but just the thought of some toast alone made me feel nauseous. He offered to rub my back since my whole body seemed to ache. When I got out of the tub, Peeta noticed that I looked pale, but the water had been warm, so I assured him I was fine. I tried to eat a banana, but even the sight of the yellow fruit made me want to throw up.  
_Please God, not the flu. Not today_ , I silently prayed when I got into the car to drive to work. I figured that if I had the flu, my students would be sick too, but I had no such luck, which meant that I had the pleasure of teaching 30 noisy students. At lunchtime I ate a sandwich, what turned out to be a huge mistake, because I ended up vomiting in the ladies room. It was now clear to me I had a stomach bug and I prayed it wouldn’t strike to violently before tomorrow. 

‘Everything alright, Ms. Everdeen?’ Thresh asked after the class had ended and his classmates had left the room.  
‘Yes, I’m fine’ I answered smiling.  
‘Hmmmm..’ Thresh had said.  
‘What do you mean with “Hmmmm”, Thresh?’ I asked.  
‘So, you’re not ill? You look a little pale, Ms. Everdeen’  
‘Are thinking of becoming a doctor, Thresh?’  
‘No’ Thresh answered smooth. ‘I’m going to be a manager of a pop sensation, make millions and retire when I’m 35. Have you seen Octavia Smith, Ms. Everdeen? She’s a class below mine and she sings pretty well. Some good music and a sexy outfit and bam – she could become the next Ariana Grande’ he said grinning and added that it was a pity I wasn’t 10 years younger.  
His comment made me laugh and I decided to ignore it, because Thresh always made me laugh and there had been days (before Peeta of course, and when I had been really down) I thought it was a shame he wasn’t ten years older. He left and I started to wonder how long it would be before I’d read his name in the tabloids.

Peeta was home before I was and he welcomed me home with roses, his homemade cheese buns (my favourite baked goods) and Belgian chocolate.  
‘And?’ I asked expectantly.  
He was beaming. ‘The Trinket Gallery has ordered 9 of my paintings for their next exhibit!’ he answered excitedly.  
‘O my God Peeta! That’s amazing!’ I yelled. ‘I’m so proud of you! I just know that your paintings are going to the best in the exhibit and that you’ll become the most wanted painter in Ireland!’ I pulled him into a hungry kiss and we ripped each other’s close off. We celebrated his amazing news in bed with champagne and the Belgian chocolates, but at 8 o’clock I had to leave for Madge’s bachelorette party. I was feeling a lot better and I was filled with love and champagne. I was ready for a night full of laughter, dancing and booze.  
Madge had invited old college friends and some of her colleagues and together we met at Annie’s apartment (Finnick was out with Gale and Peeta) where we ate a lot of junk food, played games and when we were tipsy enough, Annie called a limousine that took us to the biggest club in Dublin. We drank cocktails, shots and beers and we all danced until our blisters had blisters.  
At 4 am we went back to Annie’s apartment where we drank some wine. We talked about Madonna, Celine Dion, men, phone-sex, Madge’s wedding, bad boyfriends, babies and the future. Annie, being the maid of honour, made a toast. ‘To all the men Madge has turned down tonight and to all the men she’ll turn down the rest of her life! We wish you the best a marriage has to offer for the rest of your life’ she said smiling.  
After everyone had left, Madge and I stayed with Annie until dawn. We talked about our past, our years as teenagers, our time at college, the summer we spend working in the USA, the people we had met in our lives and the people we had lost. Life is a bumpy ride, full with love and loss and we all agreed that Madge had deserved her happiness. She deserved the best, because for Annie and me she was the best, the kindest, most loyal and most talented friend we could wish for and Gale was a good man. They were an amazing match and Annie and I were sure that Madge and Gale would be very happy together for the rest of their lives. 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day I was suffering. I never had a hangover that was this bad. My head felt like it had survived a bomb. A weird side effect of this hangover were painful breasts and I was horribly nauseous, but after I had emptied the contents of my stomach in the toilet, I felt a little better. After I took a shower – where I noticed I had brown circles around my nipples – Sae stopped by to ask about the bachelorette party. Peeta was working at the museum and Buttercup was taking a nap in her dog basket, so the two of us sat at the dinner table and drank some tea.  
I told her about the night before and my awful hangover, what made her laugh out loud.  
‘It’s not funny Sae. I had to grade tests today and all I did was sleep and puke!’ I whined.  
‘Well, serves you right, honey. Seriously, Katniss? How old are you? What did you expect when you drink your weight in alcohol in one night?’ she answered laughing.  
‘You know I’m not usually like this, but it was Madge’s bachelorette party’ I said while rubbing my eyes. The bright afternoon light didn’t help my headache.. ‘The weird thing is that I have these dark circles around my nipples and my breasts are sore..’ I continued.  
‘Dark circles? And your breasts are painful?’ Sae asked.  
I looked up to meet her gaze. ‘Yes, isn’t that odd?’ I asked.  
‘How have you been feeling lately?’ she asked pensively.  
‘Fine. Well not really. Yesterday I felt like I had a stomach bug and last week I could’ve sworn I had a small case of food poisoning’ I answered. ‘And I was dizzy’ I added.  
My answer was received by a moment of silence, which is very unusual for Sae. ‘You are dizzy? Katniss, it’s all very clear’ she said with a sigh.  
Nothing was clear to me.. 

‘When did you have your last period?’ she asked.  
Now I understood where she was going. I would’ve burst out into laughter, but my hung-over state made that impossible. I told Sae it had been two months, but I’ve always had an irregular cycle – especially after Thom had died – so me skipping two months wasn’t something surprising.  
‘I still think you should take a pregnancy test. Dark circles are an unmistakable sign’ she said stern.  
_Shit._  
After Sae had left I tried to forget our whole conversation. _I couldn’t be pregnant. Right?_ But sitting alone at home, trying my hardest to forget our conversation (what obviously had the opposite effect), made me crazy, so at 4pm I left my house to buy a test.

 _Here we go again._  
I came home to an empty house and went straight to the bathroom. I drank a glass of water, opened the box and peed over the stick.

**3 minutes.**

I yawn. I’m still so tired, I barely have the energy to think. That’s probably why the first 60 seconds pass by so quickly.

**2 minutes.**

My mind drifts of to Peeta. How sweet and kind he is. He makes me so happy. This morning he made the impossible happen: he made me laugh, even though I felt like my brain was dying. I can’t even remember what he said.

**1 minute.**

Wow, time is going by quickly! I wonder how I would feel if I was indeed pregnant and surprisingly, the thought doesn’t make me panic. I could do this. I have Peeta and if he doesn’t want to be a part of this, I could do this on my own. I’m surprisingly calm.

My phone tells me that the 3 minutes have passed. I immediately turn over the stick and see the thickest and bluest line I’ve ever seen in my life. Holy crap, I’m pregnant. _I’m pregnant!_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Are you happy? :)  
> I recently started a new fic called 'Missed Opportunities and Wrong Decisions', if you have time, check it out! I'd love to hear what you guys think! xx


	16. One Plus One Makes Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading! :)

Practically two seconds after I had called Sae to tell her the news, she came running through the front door. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a smothering hug. ‘Didn’t I tell you?’ Sae said grinning. ‘How are you feeling?’  
‘Besides the headache I feel fine’ I answered smiling. I had been worried about the amount of alcohol I had drank the night before, but then I remembered this girl I had known at college. She had been pregnant for 6 months before she learned she was expecting and she had been drinking alcohol like her life had depended on it during those months. The baby was born completely healthy, but I wasn’t going to drink a drop of alcohol again during this pregnancy.  
‘I’m so happy for you, honey. This is so exciting!’ Sae excitedly said.  
I started to grin, because she was right. This was exciting. _I was having a baby!_ I couldn’t describe how I was feeling, but the word ‘wow’ came to mind. The weird thing was, I wasn’t hysterical at all, like I expected I would be. I was calm and composed.  
Sae ignored me when I said I wasn’t hungry and made me something to eat, because, as she kept reminding me, I was now eating for two. I wondered what the best way was to tell Peeta, what made me realise I had told Sae before I’d told my boyfriend and that made me feel guilty. When I confessed this to Sae she laughed.  
‘Please, dark circles around your nipples? I even knew it before you’  
I laughed – I was such an idiot.

It was 6 o’clock when Peeta got home from the museum. I had just finished making dinner and together we sat up the table while he was telling me about his day.  
‘You know what would go really well with this meal?’ he asked with a mischievous smile. ‘A beer. You want one?’ he asked while he walked to the fridge.  
‘No’ I answered smiling.  
Peeta sat down with his beer and asked me how my day had been. ‘Well, I took a test today’ I said.  
‘What kind of test?’ he asked and he put beer to his lips.  
‘A pregnancy test’ I answered. He chocked in his beer and the liquid came running out of his mouth. I gave him a napkin.  
‘I haven’t been feeling all too well lately’ I continued.  
‘I know, and?’ he said. He didn’t look alarmed of even in shock, just curious. Like it could be something positive.  
‘Sae told me to take a test’ I said.  
He didn’t move a muscle. ‘And?’  
‘She was right’  
‘She was right?’ he asked and I saw pure excitement taking place in his eyes.  
‘I’m pregnant!’ I said grinning, because I knew his eyes, I knew his face and I could tell he was happy.  
He put down his beer. ‘Are you sure?’ he asked, sounding a good kind of afraid.  
‘It was blue’ I answered smiling, my voice thick with unshed tears.  
‘I’m going to be a dad!’ he yelled excitedly. He got out of his chair and walked towards me. ‘We’re having a baby’ he whispered.  
‘Well, I hope were not having two’ I joked. I could feel my eyes well up.  
‘Are you happy?’ Peeta asked me holding my face in his hands.  
‘Yes’ I answered with tears running down my cheeks. ‘Those are happy tears. Are you?’  
‘Immensely’ he answered and before I could say more, he silenced me with a kiss.

Just to be sure, Peeta and I had bought a second test and when that one was positive too we made a doctor’s appointment. At the doctor we found out I was six weeks pregnant and we decided we would tell our friends and family at three months, after the critical stage. A lot of people lost their first baby, but we didn’t want to think about that. We’d never discussed it, but having this baby was the best thing that could have happened to us. I had told Peeta about the test I had taken the day Thom had died and for the first time, I acknowledged how guilty I had felt. But this was different, we were older and wiser. We were better prepared and stronger. It didn’t mean I didn’t love Thom, it just meant that I hadn’t been ready at the time. I was ready now. Peeta had held me in his arms and my guilt faded.

 

* * *

 

 

Peeta and I had agreed we would keep our news to ourselves and Sae had promised to keep her lips sealed, but there was one person I needed to tell. I walked over the path and carefully avoided the graves I had to pass to reach Thom’s. But I wasn’t alone – my sister was there to.  
‘Little Duck’ I said as a way of greeting her.  
‘Katniss?’ she looked up surprised.  
‘What are doing here?’ I asked, even though she could only have one reason.  
‘I believe the same as you. I haven’t been here in a while and I wanted to tell him about my dilemma’ she answered.  
‘Dilemma?’ I asked.  
‘Yes. Rory and I got back together and he asked me to move in with him, but I still haven’t made up my mind about returning for Doctors Without Borders yet’ Prim answered.  
‘Well, what makes you more happy?’ I asked.  
‘Rory makes me really happy’ she reluctantly admitted. ‘But if I stay I’d feel so guilty and I don’t even have a job’  
‘Is there another reason to go back to Zimbabwe besides feeling guilty if you stay? That’s not really a good reason to leave everything you love behind’ I said, suddenly feeling really angry and sad. _Damn hormones!_  
‘Of course there is! I love the work I get to do for DWB, but I also love Rory’  
‘Then don’t choose, do both’ I advised.  
‘I want to, but how?’ she asked, looking at me full with hope.  
‘Move in with Rory, but of course only if you really want to, and when you know your relationship is strong enough, go back to DWB for a couple of months’ I answered, as if it really was that simple.  
‘But I don’t have a job’ Prim reminded me.  
‘You’ll find something’ I assured her.  
She nodded and steered the conversation in a different direction by asking me what I wanted to tell Thom. Peeta and I had agreed to not tell anyone about our pregnancy, but I desperately wanted to tell my beloved sister. And what if she decided to go back to work for DWB? Than I had to tell her over the phone and the news that your only sibling is having her first child shouldn’t be delivered like that. I want to see her face when I tell her and hug her afterwards.  
‘I wanted to tell Thom..’ I started slowly and I saw curiosity grow in Prim’s eyes, ‘that you’re going to be an aunt’ I said smiling.  
Prim’s eyes widened. ‘You’re pregnant?’ she said. I nodded. ‘I’m going to be an aunt?’ she asked smiling broadly.  
‘Yes’ I answered and I covered my stomach with my hands.  
Prim was beaming and tears escaped her eyes. She told me she was really happy for me and Peeta and that she was super excited she finally was going to be an auntie. She said she definitely wasn’t going anywhere until she could hold her niece or nephew for the first time and hugged me tightly.

 

* * *

 

 

_I was walking on a yellow paved road in a forest. It reminded me of the forests where me and my father used to go hiking together, even though it couldn’t have looked more different. The trees were orange and were surrounded by moving, pink flowers. It almost seemed like they were dancing a bit. The sky was blue and the sun was purple. Even though this place couldn’t exist in our world, it felt just as real as any other forest I had ever been to._  
_I had been here quite a few times already, so I knew where I had to go. I started walking towards the purple sun and there he was._  
_‘You’re back!’ he says smiling broadly._  
_‘I am. I really wanted to see you’ I say, like it was the most normal thing to visit the dead._  
_‘Now I’m curious’ Thom says and he winks._  
_‘So much had happened. Madge got engaged to a guy named Gale. I set them up’ I tell Thom proudly._  
_‘My little Cupid’ he says smiling._  
_We reach the baby-blue oak tree surrounded by yellow sand and sit in its shadow, like we always do when I come to visit. Thom lays his arm around my shoulders and pulls me in close. ‘I met him at the Skeet Club. He’s Rory’s brother – Prim got back together with him by the way – and he’s really nice, you would’ve liked him’_  
_‘Good’ he says._  
_I turn my gaze to Thom and see he’s looking intently at the sun. ‘I still love you’ I remind him._  
_‘We’ll always love each other’ he says while giving me a loving smile._  
_‘You were right’ I admit after a moment of silence. ‘When you told me I was falling in love with someone else’ I’m avoiding his gaze, because I’m afraid to see the look in his eyes._  
_‘That makes me happy, Katniss’ Thom assures me. ‘He loves you just as much as I did’_  
_‘And how much is that?’ I ask smiling, but Thom just laughs. ‘So I don’t have to tell you I’m pregnant?’ I ask nervously._  
_‘No need’ Thom says smiling and he winks._  
_‘And you’re happy about it?’_  
_‘Enormously’ Thom assures me and I know he means it. ‘Come Katniss’ Thom says and he pulls me on my feet and we start walking on a yellow paved road._  
_‘The Wizard of Oz’ I say laughing._  
_Thom stops and looks me in my eyes. ‘Would you like a pair of silver slippers?’ he asks me in all seriousness._  
_‘No, that would be a little too crazy’ I answer sheepish._  
_Thom laughs and seeing the twinkle in his eyes and his broad smile reminds me how good we had it together. We keep on walking until we reach a door. A door I’m not supposed to open._  
_‘You have to go Katniss’_  
_‘No, I just got here’ I complain.  
‘Don’t worry Katniss, I’m sure this won’t be the last time we see each other’_  
_We hug each other tightly and then I have to leave._

 

* * *

 

 

Peeta wasn’t upset when I admitted I told Prim about the pregnancy. He laughed and said he wasn’t surprised, because every time someone asked him how he was doing, he had to bite his tongue. I was now three months pregnant and we decided to tell our parents the good news soon.  
We didn’t want to tell our friends yet, because Madge and Gale’s wedding was approaching quickly and we didn’t want to steal their spotlight. Not telling Finnick and Annie yet had a different reason. I felt guilty how quickly Peeta and I got pregnant, while they had been trying for over two years without results. I knew this was stupid. I couldn’t hide my pregnancy for Annie forever and I knew she would be over the moon for me, I was just afraid it would hurt her too much, so we decided to tell our friends after Madge and Gale’s honeymoon.

Telling Peeta’s dad was a piece of cake. He’s an easy-going man – forced I presume. Before Peeta had turned four, his wife had left him and he had to raise three boys on his own. He was proud of Peeta and to celebrate they smoked a cigar together.  
‘I knew you could do it, son’ he had said.

‘I bet your father is going to cry’ Peeta says smiling when we drive to my parents for a Sunday dinner. Prim and Rory couldn’t make it, so we decided today would be the day to share the news. Prim already knew I was pregnant, but Rory didn’t and we wanted to keep it that way. He was Gale’s brother after all.  
‘I bet it’s a boy’ Peeta says. He parked the car in front of my parents’ house and asks if I’m ready.  
‘No’ I answer.  
‘Then let’s go’ he says grinning.  
We walk into the house and my mother immediately detects something is different. I can’t seem to hide my nervousness and Peeta is grinning like he’s a clown on drugs. ‘What’s going on?’ my mother demands.  
‘I’m pregnant’ I have no desire to postpone what Peeta and I want to tell them.  
My parents both look like they’re waiting for the punch line, but when they realise there isn’t one, they both start congratulating us. My mother actually starts to jump out of excitement and kisses both our cheeks.  
‘I’m going to be a granddad!’ my dad keeps saying and I can tell he’s really happy, but he never starts to cry, so Peeta owns me ten bucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you just love it when Everlark is expanding? I know I do! ;)


	17. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to dedictate this chapter to all of you readers who have read this story, especially to the ones who left kudo's and comments. It truely means the world to me. I've kind of had a hard time lately and your positive feedback and love really did me good, so I hope I can send a little love back to you guys and girls! Thank you :-* xx

It was 9.30 in the morning on the day of Madge and Gale’s wedding. I was kneeling on the bathroom floor, throwing up my stomach contents in the toilet and cursing Peeta and his healthy sperm. After I had put on some make-up I walked to the kitchen where Peeta – looking incredibly hot in his tux – was making breakfast.  
‘You look amazing’ Peeta said when he saw me.  
‘I look like a pig’ I wined. For anyone who didn’t know I was pregnant, it just looked like I had gained some weight. I didn’t look pregnant, just small and round. The bridesmaid dress I wore was made of silk, so it wasn’t really complimenting my hips either. For a minute I had considered to bail, but it was Madge’s wedding and I was one of her bridesmaids, so I was determined to fulfil my duties – even if I felt like a pig.  
‘I always did like bacon’ Peeta joked and he imitated a pig. Incredibly childish, I know, but it made me laugh. Suddenly I was famished and when Peeta gave me some toast, I felt an entire different kind of hunger.. _Damn hormones!_

 

* * *

 

 

Madge had looked like an angel, in her white ball gown with a sweetheart neckline when her dad had walked her down the aisle. Gale, who had been really nervous before the service, visibly relaxed when he saw his bride walking towards him. The wedding service went perfectly. The musicians played ‘Here Comes the Bride’ at the exact moment they were supposed to, Madge’s father wiped a tear from his cheek after he had given his daughter away to her husband-to-be and after Gale and Madge lit up a candle together, the church didn’t burn to the ground.

I was standing between the bride and Annie, not feeling all too well. I was warm, my feet hurt and I was dizzy. I desperately needed to sit down and drink a glass of water. _Just a couple more minutes. Don’t faint._ _Please don’t faint._ I had no idea what the priest was saying, but it must’ve been beautiful because everyone was clapping and then Gale and his new wife walked down the aisle together. _Just a few more steps._ The photographer was taking pictures of the newlyweds, but at the moment he had said ‘Cheese’, I had run out of luck and collapsed on the floor.

I woke up on lying on my back, staring into the faces of Peeta, Madge, Gale and the priest.  
‘I’m so sorry’ I mumbled. ‘The church is so warm’  
Peeta helped me off the floor, but apparently my dress was done for the day and as a sign of protest, ripped apart when I stood up. Peeta quickly gave me his blazer before he escorted me outside. Madge and Gale followed us to make sure I was okay. I apologised again and begged them to get back to their guests and to ignore me. ‘You’re just trying to steal my spotlight’ Madge joked. I laughed and told her in all honesty that no one could do that, because she just looked to beautiful. She laughed at my obvious embarrassment and agreed with Peeta that it was a good idea that I would go back to the hotel for a while.

When I took of my ripped dress in our hotel room, I immediately felt better.  
‘Do I look fat?’ I asked Peeta, when I saw my body in the reflection of the mirror.  
‘Didn’t I just tell you this morning you looked beautiful?’ he asked smiling, but then his smile turned into a frown. ‘Is that what’s going on here? Are you on a diet? You know you can’t do that when you’re pregnant!’ he said stern.  
‘If I was dieting do you think I would’ve eaten fried chicken with fries and extra fried chicken on the side at dinner last night?’ I laid down next to him on the bed.  
He seemed to think about this for a moment and then he agreed with me.  
Peeta had loosened his tie and had rolled up his sleeves. I could see he felt heated and he looked even hotter. I suddenly felt a whole lot better. I kissed him and he smiled. I kissed him again and unzipped his pants. His smile grew, he rolled me over and my boobs stopped hurting so bad. We were ripping off our reaming parts of clothing and he was driving me insane. His hands we’re all over my body except on the spot I craved him most. I pressed his hips with my hands on mine and when our centres touched, he moaned. I loved that we could still make each other feel like this – this need, this want, that was rushing through our veins whenever we were close to one another.

We had changed position and were standing against the wall when Annie and Finnick walked in our room. We both didn’t notice they were in our room until we heard Annie scream.  
‘Excuse us’ Finnick said discretely while he pushed his wife out of the room.  
Peeta and I heard the door close, looked at each other and we burst out into laughter. We got dressed, Peeta smartly in his tux and I in a dark green knitted dress.  
We saw Annie and Finnick again in the hotel lobby. ‘So, you’re feeling better?’ Annie asked cheerful.  
‘Yes, I do, thank you’ I answered with crimson cheeks.  
Peeta and Finnick grinned at each other and we went to the bar. I ordered a water, Annie an apple juice and the guys something stronger. The newlyweds arrived soon after. Peeta and I had missed the photo-shoot at the church, but Madge wasn’t bothered by it. I apologised for the dress, but Madge didn’t care – she was happy I was feeling better. Annie thankfully kept quiet, she just smiled wickedly before she took another zip from her drink. The photographer took pictures of the happy couple with their guests, before dinner was served.  
Between courses, Rory, being Gale’s best man, and Annie, Madge’s maid of honour, both gave a speech, followed by Madge’s father and Gale’s mother. Being Madge’s best friend, I promised her I would give a speech too. It was the least I could do, after being friends with her for 20 years. The only problem was, I hated speaking in public and I was nervous as hell. I looked nervousely at Peeta and he sqeezed my hand encouragingly before I got on my feet to give the toast.

‘Madge and I have been friends almost our entire lives. I can’t even remember the time when we weren’t. We were there for each other when we needed a shoulder to cry on and together we celebrated our highlights and the rest of our lives. I always thought she was the most considerate, sweet, talented and smart person I know and I’m so happy she finally found someone who thinks so too. Finally someone who deserves her, because Gale, you truly are a great guy and you are a great guy for Madge. I just know that the two of you are perfect for each other and that you’ll have a very happy life together. So, kudos to me for setting the two of you up’ – people laughed – ‘To Madge and Gale and may this day be the beginning of their happily ever after’  
‘To Madge and Gale’ the guest said in unison and we all raised our glass.  
‘Thank you’ Madge mouthed to me, before she kissed her husband again.

After dinner, Madge, Annie and I went to the bridal suite. Madge wanted to reapply her make-up, Annie was helping her and I needed to puke. I turned on the taps to cover up my noise, but it were sprinkler taps – a lot of power and no noise. I heard Madge and Annie talking, but when I started to vomit, they grew silent.  
‘Katniss?’ It was Madge.  
‘Yes?’ I asked as cheerfully as possible.  
‘Are you feeling okay?’ I wanted to say ‘Great’, but it started with ‘Gr-‘ and ended with me vomiting some more.  
Annie was now starting to panic and she knocked loudly on the bathroom door. ‘Open the door, Katniss!’ she yelled dramatically.  
‘It’s open’ I said.  
They both came in looking really worried. Madge looked petrified. ‘Did you have the mussels as the starter?’  
‘Yes, they were delicious’ I answered.  
‘O my God, it’s food poisoning! And half of our guests had the mussels as the starter!’ she looked like she was going to cry.  
I was washing my face while I flat out denied it was food poisoning.  
Madge and Annie were looking at me intently. ‘Katniss, are you doing drugs?’ Madge asked in all seriousness. I looked up from the sink to make sure she wasn’t joking.  
‘What?’ I asked in disbelieve.  
‘Well, first you faint, then you go to the hotel to have sex-‘  
‘Annie!’ I yelled embarrassed.  
‘It was Finnick!’ she said, looking offended.  
‘And now you’re puking all over the bathroom’ Madge continued.  
‘Of course I’m not on drugs’ I said offended.  
‘So, it’s not food poisoning or drugs?’ Madge asked relieved. I told her again it was neither one of those things.  
‘Then when were you planning on telling us that you’re pregnant?’ she asked with a bright smile.  
‘Now’ I sighed.  
‘You’re pregnant!’ Annie yelled.  
‘Four months’ I admitted.  
Madge asked if I was sure and I told her the doctor had confirmed my pregnancy. Annie asked if Peeta knew and I told her that he did and that he was just as thrilled as I was. ‘I’m so happy for you’ Annie unselfishly said while giving me a hug. I could tell her smile was sincere and I was comforted by her reaction.  
‘I’m going to be an aunt!’ Madge yelled. Annie and I didn’t dare to tell Madge otherwise and 10 minutes later we left the suite.

Peeta and I were dancing on a ballad and he was holding me tightly. I could feel Annie staring at me. She wanted me to admit to Peeta I had told Madge and her about the pregnancy, so she could give him a hug and drag me to the other side of the room to talk about babies for the rest of the night. Finnick and Annie were dancing next to us. Annie caught my gaze and mouthed ‘Tell him’.  
‘Peeta’ I started and he brought his ear to my mouth. ‘I told Madge and Annie about the baby. Well they guessed it. I know we said-‘  
‘I told Gale and Finnick too’ he said smiling.  
‘What?’  
‘I couldn’t wait any longer’ he said innocently. He smiled broadly and his eyes seemed to be dancing out of happiness. His eyes were so gorgeous.  
‘I hope this baby has your eyes’ I said. Telling Madge and Annie, my best friends, had made this baby even more real. _One plus one equals three._  
‘No, I hope this baby has your everything’ Peeta said, while wiping a happy tear from my cheek.  
He kissed me and when our lips parted, I gave Annie a thumps up. She and Finnick, followed by the bride and groom, came over to congratulate us with lots of hugs and kisses. My heart, that was once shattered completely, finally felt whole again.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a month after Madge’s wedding and she had just returned from her honeymoon with Gale. They had spent three weeks on Crete, the Greek island.  
Annie and Madge were taking me shopping for some maternity wear, because I finally looked pregnant, which meant that none of my clothes fit me anymore. We went from store to store and my desperation grew by the minute. I hated maternity clothes. I liked to wear dark colours – like black, grey and a dark purple with the exceptions of green and sometimes red. Unfortunately for me, almost all of these clothes were pink and had a floral motif or ruffles. _Ruffles!_  
‘You look great’ Annie said and she tried to smile encouragingly.  
‘I look horrible’ I wined. I was wearing a fuchsia pink shirt with polka dots and pants that were too tight around my waist, but too loose around my thighs.  
I went back to the fitting room to undress myself, but it seemed like forever before I found the power to do so. I was constantly tired. I had expected that pregnancy would be tiring, but this kind of exhausting exceeded my expectations.  
‘Katniss are you okay in there?’ I heard Annie ask.  
‘Yes, I’m fine’ I said and I tried to acknowledge the fact that I fell asleep in a fitting room with one arm still in the fuchsia pink shirt.. _O God.._

I didn’t have the energy to go to another store, so we decided to grab some lunch. Madge was telling us about her honeymoon and she showed us pictures of the places she and Gale went to on Crete. Madge blushingly told us _everything_ on the honeymoon had been perfect.  
Annie received a text that made her smile so wide, it made me wonder if her cheeks would hurt if she kept smiling like that.  
‘What was that?’ I ask, unable to hide my curiosity.  
‘Finnick wanted to know if I already told you guys’ Annie answers smiling.  
‘Told us what?’ Madge asks excitedly. She never was a patient person.  
‘That..’ she begins and she looks us both in the eye, ‘I’m pregnant!’ she tells us.  
‘Really?’  
‘O my God!’  
‘Yes, two months’ Annie tells us, pure happiness evident in her eyes.  
‘Annie that’s amazing, I’m so happy for you two!’ I say and I start to cry out of joy for my friend. Madge and Annie decide to join me and there we are, the three of us crying like children in a crowded restaurant.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as well, I still love writing this story - and my others :) xx


	18. You Are My Muse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited about this chapter because it's the first and last chapter in someone else's POV! :D  
> Enjoy and happy reading! :)

 

 

 

**(Peeta's POV)**

 

 

 

Katniss is now almost seven months pregnant. She’s growing bigger and bigger and now everyone in our lives knows we – not that we can hide it anymore – are expecting our first child. When Katniss told me she was pregnant, I was overjoyed. It was the best day of my life. I can still hardly believe I’m starting a family with the girl of my dreams.  
But as Katniss is lying in my arms in our bed tonight, I can’t seem to fight off my inner demons that are taking a hold on my thoughts. _What if I screw it up? What if I’m not my father’s son, but my mother’s?_  
  
After the initial excitement of Katniss’ pregnancy had quieted down a bit, the realisation of being a father had hit me. _What if I can’t handle it? What if I abandon them, just like she abandoned us?_  
After my mother had left us when I was 5, I had felt heartbroken, but I quickly realised that her absence meant the absent of fighting and screaming parents. Her absence meant peace and soon a period of happiness started for me and my older brothers.  
I always suppressed the fact that my mother had left me and this had always worked for me, but now that I was having a child of my own, my fears and questions started to rise. _What if I fail?_ My dad had told me that I look like her, I have her hair colour and her smile. _What if I share her inability to be a good parent?_

I try to do what I’ve always done – ignore these feelings and fears until they disappear. But it’s not working anymore. They keep coming back, stronger and stronger. _Why did she leave me?_  
I know why she left my dad. They got married out of obligation instead of love. She had gotten pregnant and their parents made them get married. Their second child had been an accident and I was born in the hope another child could save their marriage.  
I haven’t had a problem with my mother’s absence in a long time. I turned my back on her when she turned hers on me, but what if this means I can turn my back on someone I care about too?

Katniss is my first long-term girlfriend, what doesn’t make this less frightening. What if I’m not meant to be this person – a long-term boyfriend, a dad? I’m not Thom. Every girl I’ve dated was out of boredom, not out of love. But I know I love Katniss. I loved her long before I was allowed to. First I hoped I was just longing for the type of relationship my best friend had with Katniss, but I knew I was lying to myself. It had been hard, being in love with your best friend’s girl, and when he died, I was drowning in my guilt. I felt guilty about every second I felt hopeful. Hopeful I could be with Katniss after Thom had died, hopeful she could be mine. I had tried to avoid her, but it was too hard. It was so hard I turned to the bottle to relieve me of my pain.  
Now I finally have what my heart truly desires, but what if I’m not capable enough to be a dad? I’m not the most stable person in our group of friends. I’m not supposed to be the first dad in our group.  
_Please God, don’t let me ruin this!_

I can’t fight off the tears any longer that haven’t reached the surface since I was a kid.  
‘Honey, what’s wrong?’ Katniss asks. My sniffing woke her.  
‘Nothing, sweetie, go back to sleep’ I say, trying my best to sound normal, but even to my own ears I sound broken.  
‘Look at me’ Katniss says and she takes my face in her hands. ‘Talk to me Peeta. What’s wrong?’  
I take a deep breath. I can’t hide this anymore. ‘I’m scared’ I admit and I tell her about my biggest fears – turning into my mother, screwing up, leaving them.

‘Peeta, you have nothing to worry about’ Katniss says while she wipes off the tears that run down my cheeks. ‘You are the most reliable person I know and you are not your mother’s son. You’re your father’s son in every way. You are kind, gentle, smart and you love with all of your heart – just like your dad. You love everyone around you so much, you can never turn into your mother’ Katniss assures me. ‘We have something your parents never had and this child will only make us stronger. I love you so much Peeta. Trust me if I say that you are amazing and that there is no one I love as much as I love you’ Katniss kisses me and I can feel her love pour into my body and soul. When our lips eventually part she says: ‘That is until this baby comes, of course’  
‘And you’re not going to screw up. When we told our family and friends that we were having a baby, no one thought: “He’s going to fail or he’ll be a horrible father”. They all thought: “That’s amazing, Peeta is going to be a wonderful dad”’  
She wipes a tear from my cheek and continues: ‘You know how I know that? Because I thought so too!’  
For the first time in my life I don’t know what to say. People think I’m blessed with a silver tongue, but now that Katniss is telling me this, I can’t find the words to express what I feel. Her faith in me and her love for our family overwhelms me.  
‘Thank you’ I whisper. ‘I love you too, so much. And I love our baby too’  
‘I know. That’s exactly why you’ll never turn into her’ Katniss says and now I know she’s right. ‘No shut up and let’s sleep’ she says and she lays her head on my chest.  
I chuckle and wrap her arms around me. I felt better now, she put me more at ease. I was going to be okay, I was my father’s son after all – not my mother’s! As long as I had Katniss by my side, I could conquer the world and be a good man and father.  
I plant a kiss on her head and take her hand in mine. I can’t help but notice how empty Katniss’ ring finger looks like to me.  


 

* * *

 

 

‘My dearest Peeta, how have you been?’ Effie Trinket, owner of the Trinket Gallery, asks me when I pick up my phone.  
‘I’ve been doing really great’ I answer honestly with a bright smile.  
After I came clean to Katniss about what was going on and on in my mind the other night, all of my fears disappeared. I should’ve talked to her sooner, but I didn’t want to worry or upset her – the pregnancy alone was hard enough on her, not that she ever complained. But I underestimated her. She’s tough. She understood me and she believed in me. That meant more to me than I can express in words, but I still needed to talk to one person in particular – my father.  
So, I went to him and asked him how he felt about me becoming a father.  
_‘You’ll be a great dad, Peeta’ he had said._  
_‘How do you know? What if I’m like.. like her’ I asked the floor._  
_‘Are you afraid you’ll do to Katniss and the baby what your mother did to us?’ I visibly winced._  
_‘Yes’_  
_‘You won’t’_  
_‘How do you know?’ I asked and I looked up._  
_‘Because I know you. And I know your mother. You may have her smile, but you don’t have her heart’ he answered._  
_My dad believed in me. Katniss believed in me. It was time I started to believe in myself._

‘How have you been Effie?’ I ask.  
‘Absolutely wonderful! I’m so, so excited for the opening of the exhibition! I just got an rsvp from the Cinna and he’s coming too’ Effie excitedly answers.  
‘He’s that popular designer, isn’t he? Great job Effie!’ I say surprised.  
‘Yes, isn’t it amazing? He has very famous friends, so if he likes one of the paintings, it could open up the world for one of the artists’  
‘Indeed’ I agree.  
‘I was actually calling to ask you if your girlfriend will be your plus one for the opening?’ she asks.  
‘Yes, Katniss is really looking forward to it’ I answer. She still hasn’t seen any of my paintings for the exhibition yet because I want it to be a surprise for her. I smile at the memory of that cute scowl she sends my way every time I tell her she can’t see the paintings yet.  
‘Wonderful. I was worried that with the pregnancy, it would be too much for her’ Effie says and she brings me back to the present. ‘I can’t wait, Peeta, especially not until I see the portrait you made of me!’ she squeals.  
I laugh. ‘Yes, thank you again for that order. I promise you’ll love it’  
‘I know I will, I’ll see you soon’

After I hang up the phone something Effie said keeps running through my mind – your girlfriend. _Girlfriend. Girlfriend._ Thinking of Katniss as my girlfriend doesn’t make me as happy as it used to. It’s just not enough anymore...

 

* * *

 

 

‘Ready?’ Katniss asks me while she fixes my tie. She smells amazing.  
‘Ready as I’ll ever be’ I answer.  
‘Don’t be nervous’ Katniss says. _If you only knew why I was this nervous._ ‘Your paintings are gorgeous and I’m sure these are magnificent as well. I can’t wait to see them’ Katniss continues.  
‘Well.. you’ll see them in an hour’ I say and I kiss her forehead.

‘Welcome, welcome ladies and gentleman’ Effie says before she officially opens the exhibition.  
Katniss squeezes my hand and smiles at me while Effie gives her speech. I’m so nervous about tonight that I can’t hear a word Effie says.  
I’m not nervous about my paintings. If people don’t like them, there’s nothing I can change about it now. If they do, that’s great. I’m nervous about what will happen after the opening.  
Effie has finished her speech and people clap. There are almost a hundred people here and there are 7 other artists who are displaying their art here tonight. Katniss and I walk to my paintings, she’s run out of patience.  
  
‘So..’ I begin. ‘I didn’t want you to see my paintings before tonight, because I wanted to surprise you. Every painting has a meaning to me and I wanted to tell you about these meanings tonight’ Katniss smiles and I see her well up.  
The first one is the portrait I painted of Effie.  
‘I’m very curious to know what the meaning of this portrait is to you, Peeta’ Katniss says laughing. I laugh as well.  
‘Okay, so this one is the only without significance. Effie loved it by the way and she bought it’  
‘Peeta that’s great! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you’ Katniss says smiling and she gives me a kiss. ‘This is the first one’  
‘It’s me’ Katniss whispers surprised.  
‘Yes, it is. It was in that café in New York when we spend that summer there with our friends. You looked so gorgeous, so natural – it was hard not to stare at you’ I confess with a slight blush ‘When we got back to our motel, I immediately made some sketches and now I finally turned it into a painting’  
I painted Katniss looking into the distance and with her hands folded on the table. I used a thick paintbrush and a lot of browns for the background and the table, so her gorgeous silver eyes really come to justice.  
‘I love it’ Katniss says, looking mesmerised by the painting.

I show her the second painting. ‘This is one of the terraces we visited in Paris. I really liked the authentic street and terrace’ I explain.  
‘Yes, I remember that you were sketching when we had something to drink there’  
‘Even though it was daytime, I chose to paint it as night, because I really wanted to paint a starry sky’  
‘It reminds me of a van Gogh’  
‘Really?’ I ask excitedly.  
She nods. ‘It’s really impressive, Peeta’

We move to the next painting.  
‘That’s me again. With Buttercup!’ Katniss says surprised.  
‘Yes, it was that time you finally let me come on your hike with Buttercup in the forest. It was just so amazing – to see you two walk in that beautiful scenery. I could see how much you two care for each other. I was almost jealous’  
‘Please, you totally were’ Katniss says and she winks. I laugh. ‘This one is amazing too’

‘Recognise this one?’ I ask Katniss.  
‘Yes, it’s Finnick and Annie’s courtyard’ she says surprised. ‘With the view on the riverside’  
‘I also painted some red roses on the painting, the symbol of love, because this painting is about the night when you told me you loved me for the first time’  
‘Peeta..’ Katniss says and two tears stream down her face. ‘  
Shhh… I love you’ I say. I wipe the tears away and show her the fifth painting.

The fifth painting is the view we have when we look out of our bedroom with a sunset. But it’s not just any sunset.  
‘It’s our first sunset together after I moved in’ I explain.  
‘All of the paintings have something to do with me’ Katniss says confused.  
‘Yes. You are my muse Katniss. You are my everything’  
‘You are my everything too’ she says between sobs. I give her a tissue. ‘Show me your next painting’, she orders, now smiling.

This is not a painting, but a delicate and realistic drawing of two mockingbirds in their nest with their egg.  
‘Your favourite kind of bird’ I say. I point to the mother. ‘That’s you and that’s the father – me. The egg is our own little baby bird’ I say and Katniss laughs. I stroke her belly. ‘It’s amazing, Peeta. It’s us in bird form’ she laughs again. ‘I love it. What are the last two paintings about?’  
‘Our future’

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it worth the wait? Did you guys and girls love it?  
> (What did you think of Peeta's demons and paintings?)
> 
> If you have time, I'd love for you to check out my other stories! :)


	19. Dandelion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest chapter I've written so far for this story! Hope you guys and girls are excited and as always I wish you a happy reading! :D All mistakes are owned by me ;)

I’m blown away. I always knew that Peeta was extremely talented, but the paintings he has shown me tonight are so gorgeous. I’m not good with words, so I’m not going to even try to describe how his paintings, his love is making me feel right now.  
I always knew what kind of a man Peeta is and it hurts to think that Peeta doubted himself so much the last couple of months. I also feel guilty that I didn’t notice he was suffering. I was so wrapped into myself and my pregnancy and how it is effecting me, I forget to check how it was effecting him.  
And now we are here and Peeta is showing me through his paintings how right I was in believing in him and how much he loves me and this baby. Paintings he made for a gallery that were supposed to make him famous with art collectors and such, but he chose to dedicate them all to me. _I don’t deserve him._

‘I love it. What are the last two paintings about?’ I ask.  
‘Our future’ he answers.  
‘Our future?’ I ask surprised, but with a smile gracing my lips.  
‘Yes’ Peeta answers smiling broadly. He lays his hand on my lower back and guides me to the next painting. Even though there’s still a barrier between my back and his hand, my skin has been lit on fire by his touch and this fire is taken a hold on me. _Focus Everdeen!_ It’s not hard to focus again, I can’t wait to see the next two paintings, but I’m also a little nervous. _What does Peeta think our future will look like? What does he want it to look like?_

And then my eyes lock with grey eyes, so familiar to my own that it takes my breath away. The painting I’m now currently admiring, is a painting so realistic it looks like a photograph.  
It’s a young girl, about 4 years old. She has my grey eyes and long blonde curls similar to the man who’s hand is still on my back. Her hands are holding the skirt of the simple white dress she’s wearing so it won’t touch the ground. She’s walking bare feet on grass and she’s smiling broadly. My eyes meet hers again and even though her eyes remind me of my own, they can’t be the same. I always believed my eyes to be quite dull, but hers _sparkle_.  
I now see that she’s wearing a flower garland of dandelions on her head. It looks like a crown and it makes her look even more like a princess.  
‘Who is she?’ I whisper.  
‘She is a figment of my imagination’ Peeta answers.  
‘She’s not real?’ disappointment washes over me. I still can’t take my eyes of my dandelion princess.  
‘Not yet’ Peeta answers. I find the strength to take my eyes from the painting and look questionably at Peeta. ‘I believe that this is our daughter. When I try to picture our baby, she is what I see’ Peeta explains.  
‘I thought you said you expected our baby to be a boy?’ I ask smiling.  
‘Yes, I did, but now I think our baby is a girl’ he answers.  
‘And this is how you’ll think she’ll look like?’ I ask.  
‘Yes’ he answers, his eyes still locked on our princess.  
‘She’s so gorgeous’ I say, my eyes locking with hers again. ‘Why is she wearing a dandelion crown?’ I ask.  
‘Someone once told me that the dandelion has more intelligence than most humans. At the time I had no idea what she meant, but now I know she’s right’ Peeta explains. ‘On the surface the yellow of the dandelions symbolises communication, clarity and a quick wit, but there is so much more. Dandelions are also symbolic for positivity, survival and rebirth. They give people hope’ he continues. ‘Just like you gave me hope’  
‘I gave you hope?’ I ask slightly confused.  
‘Not just hope. You gave me so much more. Faith. Love. Happiness. When you told me you loved me you gave me all of those things, but especially the hope to be a good man and to have a good life. With you’ his voice cracks a bit.  
I look up and see his blue orbs swimming in unshed tears. ‘You gave me hope too’ I admit. ‘After Thom died I didn’t think I would ever be happy again or even survive. You were the only light in my life when I was surrounded by darkness. You gave me hope I could be happy again. You saved me’  
‘We saved each other’ Peeta says and he kisses me with an intense need. I almost forget where we are, so I end the kiss.  
‘Show me the next painting?’ I ask impatiently and he laughs.

The last painting is one of a lighthouse at night. The waves are attacking the shore like they’re at war, but the sky is at peace. The only light in the painting comes from the light of the lighthouse and the reflection of the millions of stars in the waves that decorate the sky. It’s a gorgeous painting and I immediately recognise where it is, but I’m confused. I’ve never been there with Peeta, but this painting is supposed to portray our future together so that must mean he wants to take me there.  
‘What does this one mean?’ I ask.  
‘I’m taking you there tonight. In fact, I’m going to take you there in ten minutes’ Peeta says with a mischievous glint in his eyes.  
‘Ten minutes?’  
‘Yes. I’m going to say a quick goodbye to Effie and then we’ll leave’ he answers.  
‘Peeta, we don’t need to go. This is your night. I wouldn’t mind to spend the rest of our evening here tonight’ I try to assure him.  
‘But I would’ Peeta says with a smile. ‘I’ll see you in ten’ he kisses my cheek and leaves me by myself to wonder why we need to leave so soon.

I’m taking in all of the paintings one by one. I could do this the rest of my life – admiring Peeta’s paintings without a break. It’s a treat to my eyes. My eyes are wandering over the painting Peeta made of me in New York when someone decides to join me.  
‘Is it you?’ the man asks. I turn to him to answer the stranger. He’s a man in his forties, with a tanned skin and dark brown hair. He looks completely normal in his black outfit, but it’s the gold eyeliner that betrays who he is. Even someone as fashion-clueless (Prim has always described me as this) as me, knows who he is.  
‘Yes. How did you know?’ I ask.  
‘How could I not? You two look exactly alike. These paintings are all very realistic. Do you know the artist?’ he asks me with a friendly smile.  
‘Yes, he’s my boyfriend’ I tell him with a proud smile.  
‘I see’ he says. ‘You are his muse’ ‘That’s indeed what he told me’ I say, slightly blushing. He holds up his hand. ‘Cinna’ he introduces himself. I shake his hand and I introduce myself. ‘Katniss. What a lovely name’  
‘Thank you’  
‘Are you and Mr. Mellark also the mockingbird with their egg in the nest?’  
I smile. ‘We are. You are very perceptive’  
We talk for a couple more minutes and Cinna even asks me about my pregnancy. I normally get very uncomfortable talking about my pregnancy with strangers, but with Cinna I feel at ease. He has a very calm and sincere personality that I can’t help but make my own while talking to him.  
I feel a familiar hand on my lower back coming home again and when I turn my head my greys meet his sparkling blues.  
Peeta introduces himself to Cinna and Cinna makes a compliment about his paintings. They talk for a while and really seem to hit it off. Not that I’m surprised because if someone can hit it off with someone like me, they can get along with anyone on this earth. Than Peeta excuses us, but before we can leave Cinna asks me something.  
‘Katniss, I’d like to ask you something. I’ve been working in the fashion field for quite some time now, but I’ve never made a collection of maternity wear. I have of course no clue how it is to be pregnant and that’s why I’d like to ask you for your help’  
I’m dumbstruck for a minute. Even Peeta doesn’t know what to say. ‘Are you serious?’ I’m finally able to ask.  
‘Yes. I know we’ve just met a couple of minutes ago, but you seem like the type of person I want to work with’  
‘I know nothing about fashion’ I admit.  
‘You don’t need to. I’d design all of the clothes, I just need your honest input if you would wear something like that. Maybe you could add some personal touches. I promise it won’t be anything with rainbows, ribbons or unicorns. You don’t seem like the person who’d wear something like that’  
Peeta and I laugh. ‘I’m not’ I agree.  
‘Why don’t you think about it. Here is my card’ he says. He hands me his card and bids us goodbye.  
Peeta and I stare at each other in shock for a moment before Peeta remembers he wants to take me to the lighthouse. He takes my hand in his and leads me to our car.

 

* * *

 

 

‘Are you really taking me to the lighthouse right now?’ I ask, still a little disbelieving.  
‘Yes’ he answers smiling broadly, but there’s a second emotion now present as well. Nervousness. I can see it in his eyes, in the way he’s tapping the steering wheel with his fingers and I can even slightly hear it in his voice.  
I try to make him come clean about why he’s taking me to a lighthouse an hour away so late in the evening, but he keeps his lips sealed. I turn on the radio and I sing along with the song. Peeta starts to smile again and he grabs my hand.  
‘I love it when you sing. Everything in this world stops to listen when you start’ Peeta says, while his eyes are still on the road.  
I laugh at him. ‘Yeah right’  
‘I swear! Every time you sing the birds stop singing to listen, Buttercup stops doing whatever she was doing and rushes over to hear you better and I get under a spell. You paralyse me’  
‘Then I should probably stop singing right now, since you’re driving’ I say smiling.  
‘Please don’t ever stop singing. Promise me you’ll sing to our baby all the time and that you’ll teach our children how to sing like that as well’  
‘Children? As in multiple?’ I ask laughing.  
‘I hope so’ Peeta admits with a slight blush. We’ve never talked about having more children, we’ve never even talked about having this child, but the thought about bringing more babies into this world after this one, makes me smile.  
‘We’ll see’ I say.  
‘Really?’ Peeta asks excitedly. He reminds me of a kid that gets promised to get candy for dessert.  
‘Only if this baby is so awesome that we’d want to have a second one and if the delivery is something I’d consider doing a second time’  
‘Deal’ he says grinning. I love how happy I can make him. _I love him._  
I start to sing along with the radio again and a half hour later we get out of our car.

_Wow._ It’s so beautiful here. Peeta’s painting was gorgeous, but nothing beats the real sight. Not even a picture with a million megapixel. You’d still miss the feeling of the wind in your hair and the smell of the sea. I’d still miss the feeling of absolute peacefulness and freedom when I get here. I haven’t been here way too long. My dad took me here as a kid once in a while and when I grew older I showed this place to Thom. I told Peeta how much this place meant to me, so that’s probably why we are here, but I still don’t know exactly _the reason_ why.  
‘Come on’ Peeta says and we walk towards the lighthouse.  
‘We’re going inside?’ I ask surprised.  
‘We’re going inside’ Peeta confirms.  
‘Isn’t it closed?’ I ask.  
‘Not for us. I called in a few favours’ Peeta explains and he knocks on the door. A minute later the door swings open for us. ‘Hey Ronald, thanks again’ Peeta says when we close the door behind us.  
‘Not a problem Peeta’ Ronald, apparently, says and he winks at me like he knows something I don't.

We get into the elevator – I’m not able to walk all those stairs in my condition – and the excitement that was already bubbling inside of me on the way over, starts to boil over. I still don’t know why we’re here, but the view on top of the lighthouse is to die for – day and night.  
Peeta wraps me in a hug and I kiss his jaw and then the doors open. We walk out of the elevator and onto the balcony. The view is amazing. It’s like someone has made this starry night especially for us tonight.  
The dark sky is covered with stars and there’s even a full moon. I can see the dark sea beneath me touch the beach calmly, not in a furious way like on Peeta’s painting.  
‘Look Peeta a shooting star!’ I say. ‘Let’s make a wish’  
I close my eyes and fill my lungs with the fresh air that surrounds us and breath out again. _I wish for this baby to grow up healthy and happy._

‘Katniss?’ Peeta says to get my attention. I open my eyes and lock mine with his.  
He smiles at me and gets down on one knee.  
‘What are you doing?’ I ask confused. Then realisation strikes me. ‘O my God..’ I say in disbelieve.  
‘Katniss-‘ he starts, but I interrupt him.  
‘What are you doing?’ I say, my voice think with tears and my eyes already swimming in them.  
‘If you’ll let me speak, you’ll find out. Okay?’ he asks and he grabs both of my hands.  
‘Okay’  
‘Katniss, I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known you. I’ve loved you even before I was allowed to and I know that this love will always fill my heart. I know that I’ll love you forever. You are the most important, special and wonderful person in my life and I never wish to be parted from you again. I can’t stand to be away from you and I want you to be at my side until the day we die’  
Tears are now streaming freely over my cheeks. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe that I’m so lucky that he wants _me_ to be his wife!  
He lets go of my left hand and gets a small, black box out of his coat and opens it.  
I gasp. In the box is a beautiful engagement ring with a marquise diamond. _O my God!_  
‘Katniss Everdeen, will you marry me?’  
He looks at me with anxiety and nervousness in his eyes and a nervous smile. Doesn’t he know there’s absolutely no reason to be nervous? Doesn’t he know I’d even say yes if he started to grow a tail? I can’t make him wait any longer and I don’t want to, so I answer him.  
‘Yes Peeta, of course! A thousand times yes!’ I say.  
My answer makes him smile so broadly, I worry his face is going to split in two. He puts the ring on my left ring finger, gets up and kisses me senseless. I’m so happy.

_I’m engaged!_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So happy I finally got to write this chapter! :D How do you feel about this one? xx


	20. The Circle of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dramatic, I hope you enjoy! All mistakes are mine.

As expected, the night of Peeta’s exhibition gave all of our friends and family a lot to talk about. Not only did Peeta sell all of his paintings – except the paintings of me in New York, our dandelion princess and the one of the lighthouse (I begged Peeta to take those of the market) – we got engaged and a famous designer asked me for his help in designing maternity wear.  
My mother was thrilled Peeta was ‘making an honest woman out of me’ (her words not mine) and my dad was super excited he finally got to walk one of his daughters down the aisle. I made Prim, Madge and Annie all my maid of honours, simply because I couldn’t choose and I told them they could plan my wedding if they wanted to. And boy, were they excited! I did tell them that Peeta wanted to pick out his own tuxedo, we would choose the cake and that we wanted a small wedding in a church.

Of course the fact that the Cinna gave me his business card gave Prim, Madge and Annie even more to talk about and my objections to taking the offer were ignored.  
‘I don’t know anything about fashion’ I tried.  
‘So?’ Madge asked.  
‘It’s not like maternity wear is actually fashion. They are just clothes women wear for 9 months a couple of times in their lives – if they’re lucky’ Prim had said. ‘Besides you don’t have to design the clothes, you only have to give your opinion, right?’  
‘You owe us this Katniss!’ Annie had practically yelled. ‘You might be popping out your baby in a few short weeks, but I still have 3 long months to go which means I still have to wear these ridiculous clothes for months. You just got the power to change that!’  
‘Yes, please don’t make me look like a rainbow if I ever get pregnant’ Madge begged.  
So a week later I made the call and accepted Cinna’s offer. He was thrilled and told me he would start designing the clothes immediately after finishing his latest project. That sounded good to me, because honestly, with teaching, grading papers and being pregnant, I couldn’t take on another responsibility. I was still so exhausted all the time. Cinna assured me he would start in a month or two and there was a big chance I would already have my baby by then.

 

* * *

 

 

I was eight months pregnant and I was fed up with it. At my last doctor’s appointment Peeta and I found out I was suffering from a dangerously low anaemia. Even though the words ‘dangerous’ and ‘anaemia’ scared me, the doctor didn’t seem overly worried and he gave me some medication and a list of iron rich foods.

A week had passed and I felt a whole lot better. Sure, being pregnant still wasn’t that fun, Peeta had to drive me everywhere and he had to tie my shoes, but at least I didn’t fall asleep during dinner anymore.  
Prim and Rory had decided to go on a vacation to Spain for 2 weeks. I was jealous I wasn’t going with them, because if anyone needed a break, it was me. I was also afraid I would get into labour while my sister was in Spain, but she assured me that I’d still be pregnant for at least two weeks when she would return from Spain and I believed her. She was the doctor in our family after all. She also promised me she would be on the first flight home if I got into labour, because even a holiday in Spain couldn’t stop her from being at my side while I gave birth.

It was a Saturday morning and Sae and my mother both had dropped by for a cup of coffee. I was in a bad mood, was suffering from lack of sleep and my body was aching all over.  
‘Braxton Hicks contractions’ Sae had said while she was putting some sugar in her coffee.  
My mother agreed with her. ‘Absolutely’  
‘It’s just your body preparing for childbirth’ Sae added.  
‘Don’t worry honey. The baby probably won’t be here for a couple of weeks. Both you and your sister were both born two weeks after your due date’ my mom said to me.  
Sae had remembered something she wanted to share. ‘When I had my daughter, the epidural didn’t work.. It was a nightmare that lasted for 19 hours..’  
My mother smiled, although I _really_ didn’t understand why. ‘When I had Katniss the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. She didn’t cry and she was turning blue.. It was one of the most scariest moments of my life. With Prim it wasn’t much better. I had a forceps delivery with her – horrible!’  
Sae laughed. ‘And then they say you forget!’  
‘Why do you think we only had two?’ my mother said and they both laughed.  
I was sick of it. ‘It’s about time the two of you left’ I said.  
They both looked up confused. ‘What’s wrong?’ my mother asked.  
‘I don’t want to hear those horrible stories!’ I yelled. ‘I don’t want to hear about epidurals that don’t work or how babies can die during childbirths’  
They both looked at each other in understanding. ‘Honey, when we got pregnant we didn’t know anything or we just knew a little.. Ignorance isn’t always a blessing’ my mother said. _Knowledge isn’t either.._  
They agreed to drop the subject and we started to talk about my engagement and Peeta’s paintings.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s half past 8 and I’m late for work. ‘Peeta!’ I yell. ‘Get out of the bathroom! Your hair looks fine! I’m late for work!’  
‘I’m done. I’m done’ Peeta says and he runs out of the bathroom. ‘Let’s go honey’ he says with that crooked smile of his.

We are finally in our car and then those Braxton Hicks start tormenting me again. ‘Ooo’ I moan in pain.  
‘What’s wrong?’ Peeta asks and I notice he’s slowing down the car.  
‘Nothing. Just Braxton Hicks’ I explain like an expert.  
‘Who’s Braxton Hicks?’ Peeta asks confused.  
‘No one, it’s just my body getting ready for the baby being born’  
‘Okay..’ Peeta says uncertain.  
‘Ahhhhhhh!!!’ I yell.  
‘Jesus, are you sure you’re fine?’ he asks worriedly. If I wasn’t in so much pain, I would’ve thought his concern was adorable, but now I have to suppress the urge to punch him. ‘Besides the fact that my body has blown up like a balloon, I need to pee every five seconds and every muscle in my body aches, I feel perfectly fine’ I assure him.  
‘That’s my girl’  
_Sexy bastard._

I’m teaching Thresh’s class after lunch. My morning had passed me in the blink of an eye and those Braxton Hicks contractions came faster and more painful than they had before.  
I’m asking my class to get their textbook, when a sudden, burning pain overwhelms me. ‘Aahhh!’ I yell. It seems to be the only thing I can say.  
Thresh gets up from his chair. ‘Are you all right, Ms. Everdeen?’ he asks worriedly.  
‘Yes, I’m fine Thresh. Aaaaahhh!’ I cringe away in pain. I try to get out of my chair and Thresh makes his way to me and helps me. ‘Goddamit!’ I yell when another tsunami of pain goes through my body.  
The whole class laughs and Thresh yells that they have to shut their mouths and tells Johanna Mason to get the principal and an ambulance.  
It happens while Thresh massages my lower back. First I feel the wave, then I hear the wave and when I look down to my feet, I see the wave hit the ground: my water just broke. All of the girls become very pale and all of the boys become even paler. Patrick Snow faints.  
Johanna return with Principal Paylor and Thresh tells her my water just broke and that my contractions are 5 minutes apart. The meaning of his words struck me. _O God, it’s really happening! Right now!_  
‘I already called an ambulance Katniss’ Principal Paylor tells me. ‘Everything is going to be okay. Let’s get you outside’ She puts me on my desk chair and pushes me to the main entrance. ‘Is there anything else you need me to do?’  
‘Yes, I need you to call my family and friends. Especially my fiancé’ I say while doing that yoga breathing thing for pregnant women. The last thing on my mind is how I look like at this moment while the principle pushes me out of my workplace on a desk chair while I look like I peed myself.

‘Push!’ the obstetrician yells. Peeta is holding my hand and I squeeze the life out of him while I’m pushing a new life into the world.  
‘I can see the head’ my midwife says.  
‘O God!’ I yell.  
Peeta’s mesmerized. ‘I can see the head, Katniss! I can see the head. You’re doing great, honey’ he says while smiling broadly. He’s as enthusiastic and happy as a child in a candy store.  
I, on the other hand, feel like screaming my head off like they do in the movies, but I realise I don’t have the willpower nor the energy to do so.  
‘One more push Katniss!’ the doctor says.  
I give one more push and there she finally is. Our daughter.

The doctor lays her down on my chest and I take a good look at her. She’s perfect. Ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes, but nothing like our Dandelion Princess. Instead of my grey eyes, she has Peeta’s striking blue ones and instead of his blond curls, she has my my dark hair colour. She’s screaming and even Peeta is crying while he sends a quick text to our friends and family. I’ve never been happier while I hold her in my arms.  
The midwife takes my baby to clean her and I immediately miss and crave her. _I adore you._ Peeta follows her while my doctor finishes his job. I’m on cloud nine when I feel something strange happen.  
My legs feel wet and within a few seconds I feel a wave. My eyesight gets blurry and my hearing becomes hazy, like someone pushes me under water.  
My doctor yells something about something being ripped. A nurse adjusts my bed so my upper have is horizontal and my legs are in the air. Machines fill the room and are being hooked on me. They all make a lot of loud noises.  
I feel the blood pour out of me and my heartbeat slowing down. _What’s going on?_  
Even though I’m in this bubble, I hear my doctor saying something about my placenta being torn, a lot of blood loss and my anaemia making it more difficult to get it under control. _I want my baby._  
I can’t seem to fill my lungs with air anymore and it feels like I’m suffocating.  
I feel myself slipping away rapidly and I hear one machine next to me making a long, hard noise.  
 _Something is really wrong..._

And then the darkness swallows me until everything is gone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End. Or is it? ;)


	21. Between Life and Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm both happy and sad while posting this chapter. Sad, because this is the last one and happy because this is my first wrap on my first story!
> 
> I want to dedicate this chapter to everyone who has either commented, left kudos, bookmarked or just read my story. Thank you for joining me on this ride and thank you for making my dream come true! :-* 
> 
> I'll stop babbling now, you probably want to know what happens to Katniss ;)

I’m walking on a yellow paved road in a forest. It reminds me of the forests where me and my father used to go hiking together, even though it couldn’t have looked more different. The trees are orange and are surrounded by moving, pink flowers. It almost seems like they are dancing a bit. The sky is blue and in the middle of it, there burns a purple sun. I smile because I haven’t been to this place in a while. I face the sun and I let its warmth warm me. I feel happy.

I have been here quite a few times already, so I know where I have to go now. I start walking towards the purple sun and there he is.  
‘Katniss!’ he says excited. ‘What are you doing here again?’  
His smile is contagious and I feel my lips turn into a smile. He still looks the same, as good as he ever did. Just like I remember him. I’m the only one that’s not the same, that has changed. ‘I don’t know’ I admit. ‘But I’m glad I to be here again’  
We give each other a long and tight hug. ‘  
You look amazing’ he says when he lets go of me. He always knew exactly what to say.  
I smile. ‘Peeta says I’m like an expensive wine’ I say. ‘I just get better and better while I age’  
‘Yummy!’  
I laugh. ‘Stop flirting. You’re a ghost’  
‘It’s never too late’ Thom says and he winks. His smile reminds me of how good we were together once upon a time.  
‘I just had a baby’ I suddenly remember.  
‘You did. She’s gorgeous’  
‘She is’ I say and I smile proudly.  
‘Names yet?’  
‘A lot, but none of them suit her’  
Thom bursts out in a fit of laughter. ‘Women! Women are hilarious! How can someone look like a name?’  
‘You just do!’ I say and I give him a scowl he knows to ignore.  
We continue our walk holding hands. My crotch hurts and my legs feel sticky, but I ignore this.  
‘What’s the female variant of Thomas?’ I ask.  
‘Tammy’  
‘O’ I say disappointed. ‘Well, I’m not going to name her Tammy’  
‘I wouldn’t either if I were you’ he advises me.  
‘What about Michelle? From your second name?’  
‘And my mother’s name?’  
‘I like your mother’ I say.  
‘I do too’ He seems to think about the name for a moment. ‘Yes, I like ‘Michelle’ for her’  
‘Me too’ I say smiling.  
‘How does Peeta want to call her?’  
‘Bindy’ I roll my eyes. ‘So he doesn’t get a vote’ We both laugh and continue our walk on the yellow bricks. ‘The Wizard of Oz’ I say smiling.  
Thom stops and looks me in my eyes. ‘Would you like a pair of silver slippers?’ he asks me in all seriousness.  
I laugh. ‘All right then. It is a special occasion after all’  
Thom smiles and the silver slippers appear on my feet. We both smile and his smile reminds me of the love we once shared. I feel carefree and happy.

We reach the baby-blue oak tree surrounded by yellow sand and I expect us to sit in its shadow, like we always do when I come to visit, but Thom keeps walking.  
‘Where are we going?’ I ask.  
Thom smiles at me in reply and suddenly it occurs to me that I’m not supposed to be here. The carefree feeling and the happiness that just warmed my insides vanish and make place for fear.  
‘Am I dead?’ I ask afraid. I let go of his hand and stop in my tracks.  
‘You still have time’  
‘Thank God’ I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding. ‘Wait.. Am I dying?’ the fear returns.  
‘I don’t know’  
‘No! I can’t die’ I start to panic. ‘I don’t want to die’  
‘You still have time Katniss’ Thom reminds me calmly.  
I nod fiercely. ‘Yes. Yes.’ I look him in his eyes. ‘Did you have time?’  
His eyes fill with sadness. ‘No’ he admits. ‘No, I didn’t’  
He takes my hand in his again and he takes me to a colourful castle. He opens the door for me and we walk inside. The walls are decorated with images of our past. They’re not like Peeta’s paintings – these ones move. They remind me of the paintings and pictures in Harry Potter.

The first one is of the night of our first kiss when we were 15. All teeth and tongues and our noses bump a few times. ‘We had absolutely no clue what we were doing’ Thom says smiling.  
‘No’ I say quietly. I try to enjoy this little trip down memory lane with Thom, but I can’t. _Not today. I can’t die today._  
We move on to the next phase of our life. The next painting is the day of our graduation. We’re standing under a tree at the basketball court. We’re laughing and I’m jumping up and down out of excitement. We start to kiss passionately – this kiss a whole lot more enjoyable than our first one. There are people surrounding us, but neither one of us notices.  
‘This one goes on for a while’ Thom says grinning.  
I laugh. ‘Yes, I remember’  
‘I’ll show you the paintings of today. Come on’ Thom says and he takes me to a different room.

I see myself holding my baby girl. My hand has a mind of its own and finds its way to my baby’s head on the painting. _I miss you._ I see the midwife taking her away from me to clean her and this time I can see what happens to her. My baby gets cleaned and wrapped into a blanket and then she’s handed to Peeta. He gives her a kiss and then a nurse comes in. She tells Peeta what’s happening to me and he almost drops her.  
Peeta quickly gives our baby to the nurse and rushes over to me. My whole room has changed. My doctor is yelling and I’m hooked to machines that make a lot of noise. Peeta keeps shaking his head, like he’s telling the universe that this is not happening. That it’s all a lie. I can see that he’s not able to breath anymore and I can hear and feel his heart beat rapidly in his ears.  
I see my parents driving to the hospital. My mom is calling Prim to tell her that I’m in labour and I hear Prim yell to Rory that they have to pack their stuff immediately. My parents arrive in twenty minutes and when they’re done arguing about what kind of balloon they are going to buy for me, they walk to the elevators.  
They walk towards my room, but a nurse stops them at my door. When they hear what’s happening my mother’s knees give and she collapses on the floor and the balloon she was holding hits the ceiling.  
I see Madge reading Peeta’s text – _**It’s a girl!**_ – and I see her calling Gale before she gets into her car to race off to the hospital.  
I see Annie reading a book when she gets Peeta’s text. She smiles broadly and calls her husband.  
‘What’s happening now?’ I ask scared.  
‘I can show you if you’d like?’ Thom asks me.  
I nod and he takes me to the next room.

I’m lying in my own blood while the doctor gives me CPR.  
I see Finnick and Annie sitting on their couch. Annie is crying and Finnick gives her a kiss on her crown. Finnick has his hand on Annie’s belly and he strokes it lovingly.  
I see Prim and Rory in a cab driving to the airport. Prim is crying and praying to God to save me.  
I see my parents in the waiting room. Both terrified and heartbroken.  
Next to them are Gale and Madge. Madge is crying hysterically and holding on to her husband for dear life. She’s begging me to come back.  
_I want to._  
Peeta’s sitting a few chairs further away in silence. I can see his face grow older by the minute and I can feel his heart breaking. He’s sitting motionless in his chair and he’s staring into the distance, just like he did the night we lost Thom.  
I see my baby, barely an hour old, all alone lying in a crib. Already forgotten.  
‘I can’t leave her’ I tell Thom.  
‘I know’ I see the doctor, now using a defibrillator to waken my heart.  
‘Clear!’ he yells and the moment I see the machine touch me, I feel the lightning bolt go through me.  
Thom smiles at me and he turns away from me.  
‘Where are you going?’ I ask confused.  
‘Emerald City’ he answers smiling.  
‘But I need you’  
‘Not anymore’  
‘I'll always love you’ I remind him.  
‘We’ll always love each other’  
We smile at each other and then he leaves me. I hear the doctor yell ‘Clear!’ again and then the darkness swallows me again.

 

* * *

 

 

When I finally wake up, my baby is 26 hours old. I cry for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I missed my daughter’s first day. I promise her, that as long as I live, I’ll never miss one day again. Peeta can’t seem to let the both of us go. He holds our daughter in his arm and with his other one, he holds my hand.  
‘I wouldn’t have survived if I lost you’ Peeta keeps saying.  
‘I wouldn’t have been lost’ I tell him.

I could’ve died and no one knows why I didn’t. Maybe it just wasn’t my time, maybe Prim’s prayers reached God in time or maybe I was just lucky. Whatever it was, I’ve never been more grateful and happy.  
I tell Peeta I’ve decided how I want to call our daughter. Michelle Rose Mellark. Michelle after Thom and his mother and Rose after Primrose.  
Peeta agrees with me that’s a much better name for our daughter than Bindy would’ve been.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (You might have wondered why the majority of this chapter wasn't in cursive like it usually was when Katniss visited Thom. That’s because those were all short visits in a dream, this was real life) 
> 
> Have you forgiven me? ;)  
> What do you think of the baby's name? :)
> 
> Epilogue: Yes/No ?


	22. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow.. It really is over now. Bitter sweet..

**(5 years later)**

  
I still can’t believe it has been 5 years since Michelle (or Micky, as we like to call her) came into this world, changing Peeta and my world forever. A lot has changed, but even more stayed the same. After Peeta’s exhibition at the Trinket Gallery, he was asked by Effie for a second exhibition and that one made him quite famous. He sold all of his paintings that night, was requested for interviews in several art magazines and got a shipload of clients who wanted to hire him for portraits and other paintings.  
Peeta and I decided to move to another town after we got married. Peeta needed more space to paint and we now could afford to live in a bigger house. We both quit our jobs when we moved to the old and romantic town, surrounded by a fairy tale like forest.  
Peeta finally works as a freelance artist and I got a job teaching at a new school. Sometimes I’m lucky enough to teach a kid like Thresh again. Speaking of Thresh, he now has his own radio show! I was so surprised to hear his voice over the radio and I’m so proud, but absolutely not surprised. He was always supposed to be huge.

Finnick and Annie bought a small manor a few miles away. It’s great to have our friends so close by. Finnick now has a new hobby: rally driving, much to Annie’s dismay. Next summer he’s planning on driving through some desert all by himself. Poor Annie. Not that she has much time to worry about her husband’s adrenaline filled dreams. A year after they had their son Richard, they became a family of four. Annie gave birth to a sweet little girl and they named her Jane.

Madge and Gale went through a rough patch a couple of years ago. His accountant firm went bankrupt, but before that Madge had a miscarriage. She was all alone in her misery because her husband was always out working, trying to save his firm. She was devastated, but after a long period of growing apart, she decided she wanted to leave him. On the night that she was packing her suitcases, Gale came home on time and found his wife packing her stuff. He was shocked to see the drastic move Madge had decided to make and begged her to talk to him. She did and they talked the entire night.  
Gale confessed that marriage had made him jaded and that trying to save his firm was taking over his entire life. He apologised for making her feel all alone after she had her miscarriage. He explained to her that it was because he was also heartbroken that they lost their child and he didn’t want to cause her more pain.  
Madge told him she needed her husband back and Gale agreed. He filed for bankruptcy and a few months after that, the two of them moved to London for a job so amazing Gale couldn’t decline. Madge got a new job at the ‘Royal Conservatory London’ as one of the teachers.  
She’s now expecting twins and in two months their family will grow from 2 to 4.

Sae died last summer. She had a heart attack in the car while she and her husband were driving to a peach mars. She was studying the map with a compass in her hand and her husband had smiled at her for being so zealous. She had laughed and poked him in his arm and the next moment she was gone. It was a day before her 65th birthday. Sixty-five may seem young these days, but she felt old.  
Maybe it was because I didn’t see her as often after we moved, but Sae kept looking older. She died happy. She had lived a good and long enough – for her – life. I still miss her voice and her smile.  
Her wake was amazing. Her family was planning on throwing her a surprise party and even though she passed away, the party was still on. We all shared our favourite memories of Sae and there was music and food. We laughed, we danced and we sung. We celebrated her life and that was exactly how she would’ve wanted it.

And then we still have Prim and Rory. Prim always wanted to go back to Africa to help Doctors Without Borders again and when Rory lost his job at Gale’s firm, they decided to go together. Rory is now teaching English and Prim is healing the sick. They got engaged 6 months ago and when they return home in the winter, they plan on getting married. I haven’t seen my sister in over a year and I can’t wait to see her and my soon to be brother-in-law again. I missed them both incredibly much.

Yesterday Peeta and I were lying on our bed. I turned to him and I got lost in his eyes for the millionth time. He got older, all the boyish is gone. When I look at him now I see a handsome man with a strong jaw. He now has a few wrinkles that all tell a different story. Stories I was lucky enough to witness. He may have wrinkles and his hair is starting to turn grey, but his eyes are still the same blue they were when we met in college. And they still sparkle.  
He smiled at me and caressed my face. ‘The first time I ever laid eyes on you, I was a goner’ he admitted.  
I laughed. ‘The first time you saw me, you barely noticed me’  
I remember how Thom desperately wanted to introduce me to his new best friend, but Peeta was way too busy hitting on a cute blonde.  
‘That wasn’t the first time’ Peeta confessed and he successfully shut me up. ‘It was at school a few days before that. I was drinking some coffee on a bench when I saw you exiting the building. You were radiant, just like the sun and it was _obvious_ you didn’t know that. Gorgeous girls who know they are gorgeous always seem to have a somewhat arrogant facial expression, but you didn’t – still don’t’ he sighed. ‘Your eyes seemed silver due to the light and I couldn’t wait to sketch you. Two seconds later you dropped your books. I wanted to help you, but I was paralyzed. I was under a spell you didn’t even know you put me under. You picked up your books and sat down under a tree. You lit up a cigarette and started to sing along with your mp3’  
I laugh. I always forget that just because people can’t hear my music, it doesn’t mean they can’t hear me sing along.  
‘The moment you started to sing, I was a goner. I was in love’ Peeta says.  
‘I didn’t know that’ I confess. I get lost in his eyes again and give him a kiss. ‘I hated every girl you’ve ever been with. I even hated Madge for a couple of seconds’ I admit without remorse.  
‘I know’ Peeta says smiling.  
‘I love you’ I said.  
‘I love you too. There was nothing we could do about it’ Peeta says and he strokes lovingly over my belly, where Micky’s brother is currently growing.  
‘No, we couldn’t help it’ I said, thinking of Thom.  
‘Till death do us apart’ Peeta said smiling.  
‘And after that’  
‘Forever and always’ Peeta agrees.

_Always._

 

 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your love and support! :') I enjoyed sharing this story with you all so much and I hope you enjoyed reading it! 
> 
> Hope I'll see you all in my present and future fanfics! :-*
> 
> What did you think of the epilogue? Was it enough?


End file.
